The thought of having sex really scares me, and I don't know why, or how to get over it. I'm 24 years old, I've never been sexually abused or anything like that. Any time a guy tries to touch me below the waist I just end up getting upset and pushing them away, even though I do want things to go further. What should I do?
2007-01-31 07:51:46 · 24 answers · asked by Jen 5 in Health ➔ Women's Health
I have problems with social anxiety and have suffered severe depression which is now improving. I see a psychiatrist once every couple of months, but I'm too embarrassed to bring up this issue with her.
2007-01-31 07:59:40 · update #1
Best thing to do is wait for the right person and get married...Things will become easy then...
2007-01-31 07:56:30 · answer #1 · answered by MK <>< 5 · 4⤊ 3⤋
I cannot believe the amount of people advising you to wait until you get married, as if that will be some miraculous cure to your difficulties. Complete madness. Then you will have a double problem of added guilt if it doesn't work out as if by magic.
You need to tackle this problem, sweetie, really you do. I think it would be good to speak to your psychistrist about it. Don't feel embarrassed - he or she will have heard this kind of thing and much, much weirder a thousand times over (in fact, might they even have guessed it is an issue to you?)
If talking to someone is impossible, there are so many books out there. You don't mention if you enjoy touching yourself, or whether you have orgasms, but I think that is where you should start. Get really familiar with your own body and what feels good to you.
When you get to a situation with a boy and you feel yourself getting upset, surely the best thing to say is that you feel really anxious about it. If the boy is nice, he will feel sympathetic and protective towards you. (It must make them wonder what they have done wrong to upset them when you push them away for no apparent reason).
I have a feeling that if the fear is out in the open and shared, it might diminish quite rapidly. And think what a weight it would be off your shoulders to get this issue sorted.
Sex is a lovely and natural thing. Best of luck, it is a great step you have taken to ask for help.
2007-01-31 08:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first time is always a scary time and it's normal to feel like you do. If you don't want to do it then don't, when the time is right and it's the right guy then it will feel like the most natural thing in the world - may still be as nervous as hell tho.
Work up to it, allow a little touching, then the next time a little foreplay then go for the full house - no need to rush into it, enjoy the build up and the anticipation of it.
Giving yourself completely to someone is not something to rush into and it has to be someone that you trust.
Good luck.
2007-01-31 08:02:31 · answer #3 · answered by L D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, have you tried going to a counselor? It may help.
You could try also having a glass or two of wine. It'll relax you and hopefully you won't be so uptight that it'll be a miserable experience for you.
Finally, it could just be your intuition telling you this is not the right guy. Too many women just do it to get it over with and end up regretting the whole sex thing because they weren't psychologically ready. Maybe when you meet the right guy you'll know and you won't be uptight or scared anymore.
2007-01-31 07:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, you should talk to a pro. Take all the advice you get here with a grain of salt.
If you are really afraid of sex, that's not "usual". One thing you might try is sex alone (masturbating), you may just feel uncomfortable with yourself.
If you have a good friend that you trust, explain it to them, and ask for their help. Be prepared, though, sex with a friend changes the relationship.
Maybe you are gay? OR, perhaps it is not sex but males you are afraid of. I don't know enough about it to give you good advice.
Perhaps there is some kind of abuse in your past that you are unaware of. This is fairly unlikely, but it has happened before.
Maybe you are just not ready. 24 or not, it is possible.
It could be an issue of trust and have little to do with sex. Maybe you are not afraid of sex, but you are afraid to trust anyone that far.
I haven't been to this site, it just came up on a search engine:
http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/category/sex/
but it might have some answers for you.
2007-01-31 08:10:26 · answer #5 · answered by Gordon M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a trust issue to me. How do you feel about your own body? You might have self image issues. The best thing for you to do is be comfortable with yourself and trust your partner.
2007-01-31 07:56:56 · answer #6 · answered by ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
again wait for the right person.you'll feel so much more comfortable when you have someone you trust.don't be embarrassed to bring it up with her,she may be able to help and boost your confidance.don't feel ashamed you can't be the only person in the world who feels that way.
2007-01-31 21:41:53 · answer #7 · answered by Jinxy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you like anything else: giving handjobs, blowjobs. Do you hate being touched on your privates, or do you hate everything about sex.
Maybe you have sexual aversion. Go see your doctor. Check out this site:
http://www.sexwithoutpain.com/sexual_aversion,_phobia_or_fear.htm
2007-01-31 07:59:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe sub-consciously, you are not ready. Take the time to know yourself( Not that way, mentally, and physically.). Once you feel comfortable with just you, you will feel comfortable with someone else.
2007-01-31 08:09:44 · answer #9 · answered by l_smith_1987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to wait for the right person at the right time to do the right thing. Then everthing will be OK. Good luck!
2007-01-31 07:56:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
i think it would be wise if you spoke to her about it after all it is her job, but you shouldnt stress about it when the times right and your comfortable with the right person all that fear will fade away its nothing to be ashamed about i respect you for holding out if you had put out i can garanty that them blokes wouldnt be with you now save it for the one who will respect you, you will feel better for it.
2007-01-31 09:52:11 · answer #11 · answered by bex 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋