What should you do when you feel you made the wrong choice with life?

Question

Well i can not put my whole life in this question but my problem is that me and my husband had has some problems and now we are ok but i found stuff that he was doing at work a month ago before we made up i tell you what he did he was answering personal ad and i guess he was trying to found a side piece i am very haurt but this and i dont know if i should bring it up also when we fought in the past he made me look stupid thinking he wasnt doing dirt and stupid me begged him to stay with me i am so pathetic i just feel i have no place or no one to go to i live in texas moved here from ny and i have no famil down here also have a four month old son and he is the only one working help me please

Answer 1

I know ur hurt, id be hurt to and upset just like u, but if things are going well and in ur heart u know he didnt do anything even if he was preparing to, id try and keep this buried inside atleast for now, he could of realized he was about to make a huge mistake and learned from it.. why rock the boat if things are going better now????? Id keep a watchful eye with out him knowing to make sure that this is a thing of the past, and make no mistake if i ever found anything else to lead me to believe he was still interested in seeking this situation out, he'd be out in a heartbeat.. as far as u not working, that it easy to fix.. even if u have to start at the bottom just to bring in some money, to support urself and ur child, then he will have to help pay child support, and for most if not all day care bills.. so its do able, its scarey at first not doubt , but once u get into the habit of doing it urself it gets easier, but i really hope it never comes to that i really hope that ur husband had a moment of temporary insanity, and realized how wrong he was for it.. i say give it a shot before u question him on this one..but keep ur eyes open just in case..

Answer 2

Depends on if bringing this up is going to help or hurt the relationship. It also depends if it was laying around or if it was hidden away in his personal stuff and you were snooping around.
Personally, I wouldn't bring it up, your trying to work things out and by going back it may not be wise. Move on and put your energy into rebuilding your relationship and looking after yourself.
Going by your comments I think you need to build back your self worth and need to seek some kind of outside enjoyment. You need to love yourself and you need to believe that you are a good person and are worthy. Go out and meet some people, try a Mom and tot swimming program, go the park, go for walk, go shopping, church, enrol in something that you would love to do. Find something that you enjoy and do it, there is no reason you should stay at home and feel sad or worthless, meet people and create friendships.Remember if your happy then everyone around you will be too.
With your marriage keep the communication open and make sure he is not talking down to you (you are not a child). Set aside some time to get out together and make it count. Find that spark you once had for each other and give it your all. Marriage is work and should not be entered lightly, the true rewards are there if your both up for the challenge.
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Answer 3

Start thinking of ways to make better choices. No one has to stick with a bad choice in life but since a baby is involved then you must make all future choices carefully and with good planning . Start by getting in touch with people close to you and opening up about your situation to them. You never know, one of them may be a stronger sense of support than you now think. If that does not work, then start investigating your options as a single parent: how much living expense will cost, what kind of job you can get and money you can earn, is daycare available and how much will it cost?, are there any public assistance programs you could qualify for. It is not an easy road, but if you are strong and seek the right support then you will become a stronger person and will be in control of your own life and your son's future too.

Answer 4

Most women stay quiet just to have a place to stay. I think thats wrong. But if I were you I would try to find out whats going on for real because if he was answering ads over you and him fighting, then he is sure quick to move on. It doesn't seem like family means much to him at all. I would fly back to your family in NY if I were you. What are you going to do if he does leave you? What if he takes the baby from you? You have alot to think about. It's so much harder when there is a baby involved. I would leave and get legal custody of the baby right away!

Answer 5

Not having other options is a really bad basis for a good marriage.

Go to your local community College and have them do a career evaluation (It's free). This will show where your strengths and weaknesses are. Look inward and find that which fuels the passion in your soul. Now, use this information to plan a strategy for your education and/or training to prepare you to work with that passion.

As far as your child is concerned, you must weigh the pros and cons of him/her growing up in a household without love but with a father. It's a tough call.

You deserve to be loved and respected. You can make it on your own. Help is available.

Answer 6

Sounds like you need the support of friends and family, and I know that's difficult when you have no one but him. I know it's tough when you feel isolated and all the stress that it creates.
If you bring up the personal ads, you know it will only create more friction, and if you don't get it off your chest it's something that just eats you up inside.
Call your family. See if you can stay with some family members for a little while until you are more emotionally ready to make a decision about the future of your marriage.

Answer 7

First of all let him know that you ran across the personal ads, you would like him to explain that and is it on going. You then need to find out if you are happy being in the place that you are at now. I mean do you love this man enough to want to work out the relationship. These are things that you need to sit down and discuss with you man before making any type of decisions.

Answer 8

I don't feel this is a problem your going to get solved in just a day and need to start thinking of yourself and your child. Start saving as much money as you can without him knowing to make yourself feel more secure and not financially trapped. Make a little extra money by just babysitting another child in your home. If he is not abusing you physically and verbally then you can do this in a matter of months. Keep in touch with your family as often as you can so as not to feel so isolate from them. If you were financially free and not dependent on him it would be my guess you would not of begged him to come back to you, plus the fear of being alone and raising your child alone. Do what you can to make it secure for you and your child to be able to make it without him should he ever leave again. But for right now I would ignore what he did when you were broke up. Best wishes for you and your baby.

Answer 9

i understand and know what your going through. I'm sorry you have to go through it i my first thought is to tell you to start looking into local help and find a job i know it's hard with a young baby but something as to give if you'r not happy now what are you going to do in 10 years. I was forced into marriage by my mother and my sister-in-law because i was pregnent and my husband wanted my daughter more than i did so to keep me from makeing what they thought where "stupid" choices they thought they where doing the right thing now here it is 10 years later both our mothers are dead we're careing for my father and we have a 10 year old daughter and all i want is out and have now met someone who truly loves me and wants to help me out .

Answer 10

More than a few. Now I'm paying for them. I'm also starting over and have moved to the ocean to live my life and spend the rest of my life in peace.