My husband and I were totally crazy about eachother the day that we met. We were both into the idea of getting married and spending the rest of our lives together right off the bat. There are soooo many other reasons people get married other than raising kids together. We have always been on the same page when it comes to the subject...we are NOT kid people. Babies make me very uncomfortable and just the idea of ever getting pregnant makes me ill. Why is it that no one will accept that it's just going to be the 2 of us? Everyone keeps saying "oh, you'll change your minds" and "it'll be so good for you two". What the heck is this crap? Why is this so unacceptable? Is the world's population dying out? NO! It's not!
2007-01-31 07:39:59 · 20 answers · asked by Laura C 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should not have kids that you don't want and it is no one else's business. Come up with some type of reply to get that message across ("That's our decision").
2007-01-31 07:44:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am with you 100%!!!!!!!! I am 44 and my husband is 47. We do NOT have children BY CHOICE. I heard all of the same comments you have and more! I have had people have the gall to tell me that I don't know my own mind! They have said, "Oh have one, you will feel differently once you do. Your whole life changes." That last line sums it up- I (we) do NOT WANT OUR LIVES TO CHANGE!!! People also assume that at my age, I couldn't have possibly made a DECISION not to have them, but that I am UNABLE to have them. I just respond with the truth. I don't get that "warm and fuzzy inside" feeling when I see a baby. I find the thought of being pregnant VERY unpleasant. Over the years I have found that some that harp on us having kids truly can't comprehend why not. OTHERS, especially freinds, when questioned, are really just jealous that we have a "spur of the moment do anything we want" HAPPY life. One is famous for saying things like- YOU GUYS can afford that, home, car, vacation, etc. because you don't have kids. They always add, "Must be nice!" Give them some of their own medicine. I reply to them, "Yes, it IS wonderful, tell me again why YOU DECIDED TO HAVE KIDS???" That usually stops them. ;) I also get this a lot-"You only look so young and still have a great figure because you didn't have kids." I have 3 much older sisters and 2 of them have kids and the third one is identical to me. We come up with fun answers for those that constantly question our choice not to have children. I have a rare form of arthritis and have been on various meds for the last year and a half. I suddenly started tembling and was sent to a neurologist. He ignored all of my physical symptoms and started the visit with- "How many children do you have?' Odd question considering why I was there, but I said, "None, by choice." He never did proceded to check for medical issues but refered me to a psychologist even after I assured him I take my BC pill by a pre-set alarm every night! More effective if you take at the EXACT time each day! ;) The only reason I have not had my tubes tied is that I have periods from hell without them. The trembling? It was a side effect from an arthritis med that wasn't agreeing with me! So, you are not alone, just in the happy, childless by choice minority! If someone is rude and keeps on pushing about how "unfortunate and sad" my decisions is, I will reply " What I find unfortunate and sad is that there are women that just keep on having kids with numerous men, like they are rabits, just so they can draw a larger welfare check." THAT is unfortunate and sad. Another lady once said, "NO ONE will ever love you like your child will; 100% and unconditionally." I felt sad for HER as I thought, My HUSBAND does and has for 23 years!!! IMO, THAT is the best prerequisite for having children that I know of- we just don't WANT any!!! :)
Sorry for spelling errors- spell checker is down- but HAD to answer this one!
2007-01-31 08:44:25 · answer #2 · answered by 8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on knowing your own mind and your own preferences for YOUR future. Too many people end up miserable because they give in to others' expectations of them. May I recommend your husband get a vasectomy? I did, and it sure is an easy, inexpensive (over the long term), and effective form of birth control.
Next time someone says, "You'll change your mind," look her in the eye, and seriously say, "You want to bet?" Follow it up. "I will bet you $100 right here and now that I will not be pregnant at this time next year." If they balk, say, "OK, two years from today." Go to three, four, five years, all the while keeping a serious expression and holding your hand out in the "Let's shake on it" pose. The person will have to either put up or shut up, and you will either be richer or in peace.
2007-01-31 07:55:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Laura, I feel the exact same way as you. My husband and I do not want children. We love each other very much but do not see kids in our future. We used to hear "you'll change your mind one day" all the time, but they have finally stopped. We are in love completely and in our twenties. We've been married for nearly 4 years and we still feel the same way. I don't think anyone should have to have kids just because you are married. You are entitled to how you feel about kids in your future. I am uncomfortable at the thought of ever being pregnant to. Don't worry about what other people think. You both need to do what you want in your life, what you are entitled to. I'm glad to know that I am not alone in this situation. :)
2007-01-31 08:27:36 · answer #4 · answered by Jess_DH13 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not a rule, it's just that having a kid, in the family makes it the perfect picture for everyone to see, and people are loaded with what they call (pre-judgment) which means that they judge you because of your social appearence, and they have their own world that they want to become real.
You also have to learn that you were a child too, and your mother loved you and took care of you, now it's your turn to take care of an angel, there might be some problems and difficulties, but love to a child (family) is greater than diapers.
2007-01-31 07:48:41 · answer #5 · answered by adrienguychristian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People expect you to have kids when you are married.Because that is what they think is expected of everyone.My Mom was having fits before my hubby and I had our son.She was raised in a age when most married people we having their first kid 9 months after the honeymoon.You should just blow people like that off it isn't any of their business what you do in your marriage.I love my son and never would be happy without him.But I know not every woman is met to be a mommy.Some woman just don't have a strong maternal instinct.It is good that you and your husband know that you don't want to have kids.It is better not to have children at all than to have children that aren't wanted.
2007-01-31 08:06:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your stand on this opinion is rather enlightened. My aunt lived with her boyfriend for several years, and then got engaged this Christmas. She told me in private that part of the reason that they didn't get married before was so that they could avoid the whole "when can I expect grandkids?" discussion. I think that maybe if you just avoided the subject, people would get over it, and if a coworker ever mentions anything, just ask them if they ever considered the fact that there are too many people on earth as it is.
2007-01-31 07:47:35 · answer #7 · answered by Emily B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you and your husband are choosing not to have children if you don't want to. People should not bring kids into the world they are unable or don't want to raise. Though I look forward to having kids of my own someday, I definitely commend you and your husband for enjoying your own lives and everything. Don't listen to everyone else's criticisms.
2007-01-31 07:49:46 · answer #8 · answered by Green-eyed Nikki 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Turn the tables on them. When they start on the baby stuff ask them if they have planned out their will and funeral because you never know. When they tell you its too early you can say "Oh you'll change your minds" and "It'll be so good for you two". Trust me they will stop harping you about having kids.
2007-01-31 07:44:25 · answer #9 · answered by Michael K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i guess i dont see your point. i mean why wouldnt u want to have a child with the man u love. that child will carry on the both of u. i have a ? for u. dont u want to have grandchildren and great grandchildren when u r older? i have kids and i cant wait until the day comes that they have there own babies and i have a little one calling me grandma. plus, having kids brings alot of joy to your life, if u never have kids u will never get to experince that. there is nothing more great than having all those 1st moments, when they say there 1st word, and crawl etc. plus, when your children r little u r there whole world, they depend on u. i love my children and plan on having many more.
2007-01-31 07:51:28 · answer #10 · answered by greengrass 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that bothers me too. But for another reason, I tried to have a baby and kept having miscarriages. It got really hurtful to hear people say "what's taking you so long to have a baby?" I mean, how rude is that question? I think the "when are you going to have a baby?" question is the most irritating one known to man. I don't know what to suggest to you, but I understand how much it bugs you.
2007-01-31 07:46:56 · answer #11 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋