How to save my marriage?

Question

my husband and I are at a tight spot right now. He thinks I hate him, we haven't really talked in 2 days, he sleeps on the couch, it just gets worse everyday. here are some details he had alot of problems in the beginning of the marriage, he was a drunk, and a womanizer, I stuck by him because I knew he could change. Well he did, hasn't had a drink in more than a year and the abuse has stopped. He thinks I always disrespect him when I say things to him but I'm just being honest with what I say. ihave tried to do everything he has asked for be sweet, nice dont worry about everything, but then he takes advangate of my kindness and makes me even more mad. I really want to save my marriage but I'm clueless, my mom just easily tells me to leave him but I dont want to I want to fix our problems, he just thinks he is perfect now and doesn't do anything wrong. I know I do alot of things wrong but when I try to do right it goes unseen...I need some advice.

cheating isn't something to worry about, we at least have trust.

Answer 1

A husband needs to feel appreciated, respected, needed, supported, encouraged, and needs affection from his wife. If he was like this before you two married, then you set yourself up for this and had it coming. People don't change after they get married, we expect them to, but they don't. People can change for the better if they really put their heart into it. There are things in the relationship that you are doing that is destructive. I suggest two books, The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You'll be able to relate.
You need to do some changing too. It's not just one person that needs to change. You have to want to change, you have to stick with it, and stick with it to make it a part of your daily life for good. Think about the things you are doing that's pushing your husband away. I hope you and him do some thinking...

Answer 2

Being sober for a year really isn't all that long in the larger scheme of things. On the other hand be grateful for every single day he has been sober and pray for the days ahead when he still will be. As for the respect issue he has - you may want to examine the manner in which you are delivering your stuff to him. Often times, I have learned over the years that my wife's communication skills lack, say a gentle hand. And therefore I have often misinterpreted what she's actually telling me. I admire your commitment to working thing out so If I were you I'd explore seeing a third party to mediate with the both of. Maybe a family counselor of sorts could help. Good luck.

Answer 3

Sure looks like you are in a tight spot. But its nice to see that even though you are in such a situation, you are sticking by his side. That really shows you love him alot, no matter what happens. I am not married yet but from reading your problem, the advice i can give is to stay with you husband and try your best to solve your problem. As you said he has stopped drinking, you know that he can change. He has the ability in him to change. All he needs is motivation, support and push in the right direction. Ofcourse no one is perfect; everyone has their faults. World is not perfect. I suugest that if you have any pictures or any videos that shows the fun times you both shared, maybe you can bring them out and refresh his memories of how much you do love him; not hate him. Try to support him and encourage him and not blame him. Show him examples of what he is doing wrong, so that he can see it from his own eyes instead of thinking you are blaming him. Maybe i am going all over the place but i hope it helpes to save you marriage. I wish you all the very best.

Answer 4

Nothing we say here will help. You need to see a marriage counselor. Both of you have some communication issues that need to be addressed by a professional. I think that it is worth a try. Your mom sees you unhappy and she just wants to protect her daughter. But if you feel you want to save your marriage then you should give it a shot at therapy. Not all marriages begin great, but it does not mean if BOTH of you are willing to give it your all then it could end up great. If all else fails, then you can walk away knowing you did everything in your power to save it.

Answer 5

It sounds like your husband still has a little bit of the "womanizer" in him. Problems just don't go away without being resolved. It's good that you want to save your marriage, but you need someone to help you guys really hear each other out and understand each other. Get into counseling immediately.

Answer 6

The first thing you should know is that alcohol abuse does mess you up in the head and unless he had proper counceling his old tendencies will still be there. I know how you feel. Mine was the same but not abusive, but an addict. We've been together for 5 years and it's an uphill battle. The good times are few and short for that matter. But love keeps us together. Slowly things improve but don't expect them to get 100 percent better. You just get better at dealing with them.

Answer 7

Hello, have two talked about a marriage counselor maybe that ca work for you if he con ciders it or your place of worship maybe that can work too.or just communicating with each other is very much the key to long and happy marriage.it's hard to leave the one you love but also he has to open up and communicate that's very important to air out both of your difference's and don't yell or argue it's always good to have a third person a marriage counselor there to hear both sides. Good luck Friend..

Answer 8

A marriage consists of two people, each only having control to the extent of themselves, and not over the other. A marriage can be saved only if both people respectively want that goal and work towards it. Try individual therapy first, get your own head together, chances are that each of you are trying to look to the other to fill an individual unfilled need which only the individual themselves can fulfill, and not any other person.

Answer 9

Of course he is going to think you hate him if you are not talking... You need to talk to him and love him where he is at... Seek counseling and help for you and this marriage or it will end up falling apart. You are not perfect and he is not either BUT you can only work on changing yourself to be the partner and wife you need to be for him. You have to treat and love him the way you would want him to treat and love you. Why in the world is he on the couch ? Did you kick him out of the bed?

Answer 10

For better or worse, tell death do you part! Communicate, talk to him.

Tell him everything, exactly how you feel (Right or Wrong, bad or good). Make him realize that Marriage is TEAM WORK, and if he wants his marriage as bad as you do he will do something about it. Sometimes, people's head get blown up, BUT! Some must pop it for them to send them back to reality... Marriage is a two way street, work together!