Can someone tell me what is wrong with a couple living together before they get married?

Question

Me and my boyfriend believed to test the waters before you dive right in. meaning move in together before we make any lifetime committments. and the idea sounded great. However, my mother who is an extremist christian (in my opinion) told me that living with a man without marriage is against the bible and a sin. So because me and my boyfriend live together we are going to H-E-double hockey sticks, unless we get married. But we feel its not necessary right now. I am only 23 and he is 25. Is it so wrong for trying to play it safe?

Answer 1

According to statistics you have a greater chance of getting divorced if you live together first. The reason for this is people tend to "live with" someone who is a little riskier. They think they are trying it out first, but if you wouldn't marry this person right now...then you shouldn't live with that person either.

Also, when you get married you are more likely to work at the relationship. If you are living together and have the back door exit available it's easy to leave without a fight. All relationships take work and a commitment is what keeps people in there trudging through the tough times together to find that strong, deep love.

Answer 2

There is a lack of total commitment. At any time one partner could go and leave one partner out in the cold and not understand why. If you do get married things will change a lot. Children will change things even more. I guess couples who don't live together can enjoy more discovery together than those who lived together first as they have already had these discoveries as an unmarried couple. I think whether a couple decide to live together or not is a personal decision and each couple must make the best decision for them. I did not live with my wife before marriage, and that was what was best for us at the time. I am still married to her 20+ years later. That was how we felt with no extreme Christian influence from others. Do what you feel is best for the 2 of you.

Answer 3

Whoa! Sounds like my mother, the nun! LOL

Honestly, I think it a fabulous way to discover each other! If you are serious and see marriage in the future, they I say go for it! It is like a trial marriage -- you get to know exactly what you are getting into and vice versa!

But I have noticed that when you do live together, men tend to forget about the "wedding" thing. They figure (for the most part) that they are content with the current situation and what is the point of getting married if it doesn't change anything?

You are an adult and are capable of making your own decisions. Your mother, like mine, will eventually get used to the idea and they may accept it at some point, but they will probably never condone it. That's enough for me! LOL

I wish you the best!

Answer 4

With or without eternal God and parent conflicts consider this is "moving in" can be a red flag that there is something in your relationship that means one of the two of you is not truly committed to the relationship (usually the guy). And that people who move in together first are more likely to seperate whether or not they marry in the future.

Which reminds me of these sayings why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free, or why buy the pig when all you need is a little sasuage =)

Make sure that moving in isnt just so you can play house, or for the typical finincial reasons (one house pament, one electric payment)

finally if you move in together you are common law married in many states, and if someone becomes a stinker they can press that though this is not typical (My brother however lived about 6 months with one such stinker so beware)

Answer 5

Well, the problem is you are NOT playing it safe. I think you need to scan around this relationships category and see how many girls move in with guys, then are totally freaked because "suddenly" the guy doesn't want to get married, or they are asking how they can "make" him get married. It's absolutely crazy.
I'm speaking totally aside from any moral discussion.
I just think it's better to maintain your independence, keep dating, until you are serious in the relationship and decide to get engaged and plan a wedding. That would be "diving in", not what you are doing. Your mom has your best interests at heart, aside from her religious beliefs. She is wise and experienced and knows how quickly something like your situation can go bad - no matter how "in love" you are or feel you can trust your guy.
Part of being mature is not playing house, but creating a home together after making a commitment to one another.

Answer 6

I am 23 and my boyfriend is 24, after graduation from college we moved out of state and got an apartment together.

My grandma and mother sat us both down and had pretty much the same talk with us. After we explained that we were serious about our relationship and we were committed to each other and moving in together because we see marriage in our future, they were ok with it.

I think it is very smart that you two moved in together first. What better way to know everything about someone than to live with them!?

We have grown so much as a couple and matured together, we have more responsibilities, have to be smart with our finances, etc. We are so much further along than the 'typical' 22/23/24 yr olds. It is becoming more accepted to live together before marriage, as it should be! I love him more with every passing day, it is such a great feeling to have "our home". Best of luck to you, I hope you two have a long and happy life together, im sure your mother will come around in time

Answer 7

First, hon, hell is right here on earth. secondly, in modern America, marriage is not required, and god doesn't give a white rat's a@@ what you do with your life. If it is comfortable for the two of you to live together, do that.... but do your relationship a favor, and don't have children until your bond is strong, and you know each other extremely well.... Toooooo many couples think babies are bonding,,, uhhh, wrong.. They are divisive, and many relationships do not survive the trauma, and end sometime before the kid is 5. And as my mom said
1. The most important decision you will make is who you marry
2. Never have children you cannot support
3. Marriage is not a lifetime mealticket.... get an education and a skill that will support you in a style you wish to live. You will have to work sometime during your life --- probably for decades. Get paid for it.
4. Always have a hidden stash of cash even if you know you will never need it------------ you will.

helpful?

Answer 8

You're doing the right thing !

( I feel your pain, too! )

I live in good old stupid backward Brisbane, Australia. Where all the holier-than-thou Christians look down their noses at you when you say you're living with your boyfriend.

We don't want to get married. We can barely afford to go on holiday once in a while, never mind a whole stupid ceremony with white cake and sh!t.

We're living together and have been for a year now. (I was 20 when I moved in with him) And it has taught me a lot about him, some good stuff, some bad stuff. But I'm glad I got the opportunity to see him as he really is. And we know that we could function as a married couple from this experience.

We might get married some day when we can afford it, like, in a million years. But for now - our 'modern' set up suits us. The only people it bothers are narrow-minded Christians with nothing better to gossip about.

Answer 9

its all a question of personal beliefs. If you and your boyfriend feel its ok to live together before marriage then go right ahead. No matter what you do it seems there is always someone out there waitng to judge you. I have lived with a boyfriend before and it was a good thing we did or I would have ended up married to a lazy no-good alcoholic.

Answer 10

I would like to know what "statistics" show that living together before marriage is not good.

If my mom would have lived with my dad before marrying him she would have never become stuck in a horrible relationship with him. I mean, I wouldn't be here right now if that was the case, but still!

I am totally 100% believing that living together is a great thing to do before marriage! It saves the hassle (and money) of getting a divorce if worse comes to worse and things don't work out.

The only thing wrong with it is that it is controversial (even today!)