My marriage is in trouble, someone help....?

Question

Me and my wife are having problems right now in many different ways. One, we haven't had sex yet and we have been married for 2 years. Two, we fight all the time and can't get along with each other to save our life. No she hasn't been raped, and its nothing medical she already had all that checked out. I am tired of hearing her excuses and all this is starting to get to me. I have talked to her about going to marriage counseling but she gets mad and says she's not going to do that. I don't know what else to do, please someone give me some good advice

Answer 1

If your marriage was important to her, she would go. I would give her an ultimatum. Sometimes when someone has a problem and refuses to get help, the problem might be something that is really hard for her to admit or to aknowledge. There is an underlying problem to her behavior and it needs to get taken care of today.
My husband separated from me for two weeks because of the same situation you are in. I wasn't giving my husband any respect, affection, appreciation, encouragement, support, or any kind of kindness! That kind of event can really give someone a wake up call! I'm not saying you need to go to this extreme, but sometimes this is what a person needs for someone to get through to them.
There are a couple of books that I have read and you might be interested in them, you might not. They both give you excellent insight and I am sure that you and your wife will be able to relate! The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands, and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Your wife needs to realize that it isn't about her anymore, it's about you two together. My email and IM info are on my profile page if you would like some more input. I hope things work out for you two, don't give up! God bless!

Answer 2

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. One of the most importnat aspects of every adult relationship is the physical intimacy.
Didn't your wife know that getting married means having sex?
I think you are a very honorable man to have waited on your WIFE for 2 years!!! most men can't wait a month for their girl friends.

Unfortunately there's not much advice ppl can give you here, they will either tell you to talk to her, take her to counselling, or get a divorce. The sad truth is that I don't think there's much more you can do and you've already tried the talking or the counseling offer and it hasn't taken you far.

In this situaltion there's no grey area, you either have sex or you don't... and the sad part is that even of she gives in and has sex with you, with her attitude she won't enjoy it. You can only go like this for so long.

I will give you an example of my previous boss. He had a wife and 2 kids. He was in his fifties and constantly cheated on his wife and she knew about it. Just like your wife she hated having sex, she finally had sex just for the sake of having kids and held back again. So, the result was a loveless marriage with two adult kids and a husband that always had a girl friend on the side. They wouldn't get a divorce because he felt obligated and guilty to leave her.

So as you can see, this is a very disfinctional relationship and you need to do something about it before it's too late and you waste more time...

I really suggest a firm talk with her to let her know if this is how she's going to be there's no future for you two.

And yes, for the record you are not "married" because you haevn't consumated the marriage.

good luck

Answer 3

Are you serious you sleep in the same bed and haven't had sex that beats all I've ever heard. No, a counselor will not do one bit of good because you don't have any excuse to make, you aren't what you call married. If you haven't sex and you can prove it , you can out real fast with a annulment. That means the marriage has never been and it hasn't unless you have consummated the marriage. You better both go to a lawyer file annulment and get on with your lives and find someone that wants and loves you enough to want mad sex with you. Don't waste anymore time go today and file annulment. Best of Luck to Both of You.

Answer 4

I want to say that sex is not everything in marriage, but IT IS VERY important. I think you need to have a serious talk with your wife about what issues are there that prevent her from making love to her husband. I would honestly give her an ultimatum. Either you go to counseling together, or you'll have to get out of the relationship. That's unless you don't mind living like that for another 2 or 22 years. It's up to you. Good luck!

Answer 5

Maybe she has a lover. If all she does is fight with you, this is a sign. She might be using you for something. Only you can find out that. My friend was using her husband for kids. They are still together but they have only had sex about 10 times in 8 years. He likes the way things are. Some people look at marriage in a different way than others. If you love her stick with it but ask yourself what it is she wants from you. Prayer has always helped me in times of need. Good luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Two years and no sex? You have to be the most patient man in the world!! Sweetie, it's time to throw in the towel on this woman. She obviously has no interest in having sex with you. While I don't believe that sex is the most important thing in a marriage, it's certainly in the top three. Go find a woman that loves you and wants a real marriage and get out of this sham.

Answer 7

They say the first two years of a marriage are the hardest (no pun intended)... but DAMN!!

Set up an appointment with a counselor and give her the date and time... if she doesn't show, make your next appointment with an attorney. Tell your wife that you've tried all you can to save your marriage and the rest is up to her. If she's done nothing by the time your court date comes up... then press on, bro'

Good luck and God bless

Answer 8

You have been married 2 yrs and havent had sex yet. WOW, I would say she has a serious problem. Maybe she is scared. if she is a virgin maybe she is afriad it will hurt. Maybe she is a lesbian. You laugh but I had a friend WHOM I didnt know was a lesbian she got married and DID not have sex with her husband until 6 months later and it was a sympathy lay as she put it. It was weird and seeing her with him I started wondering about her. Come to find out that she was a lesbian and had been having a lesbian affair for a long time. Or maybe there is something from her past she doesnt want to tell you about. Either way she needs to sit down and open up with you.

Answer 9

Get an annulment. Since you haven't consumated the reltionship, you would qualify for that. I am surpised you hung in their that long. What did you two do on your honeymoon?

Interesting. My ex and I had sex all the time, even leading up to the divorce. We didn't like each other, but still enjoyed that. We still joke about sex being the only thing we enjoyed doing together.

Answer 10

No sex ever? Is she a closet lesbian who has married you for convenience? Are you rich and she's just using you for money, but not having to put out??? You must love this girl. If I don't put out in a week my hubby is getting frustrated.

Tell her it's marriage counselling or you are leaving. A relationship without physical intimacy is just not a relationship.

I am pretty sure the bible even says that you should look after your husband in that department. (so I am told anyway)

Goodluck. I think you need it.