Has anyone out there been married for a long time?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 17years. We have been married for 7 of those. We got together when we were 19 & 20. We have 2 wonderful kids and a house, we get along most of the time but lately things are going south. i recently lost my job and am staying home to raise the kids. We just don't know how to fight fair. I don't want to throw away 17 years of great times. Please give some advise.

Answer 1

My wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for 13 years. We have 3 kids, a house and she stays home with our boys. So very similar situation. I'm not going to say we don't fight, but we do have a great relationship after all these years. I have recently been helping her out around the house so she doesn't have to do everything. We have a family night with the boys on friday where we order pizza and play board games (no TV) I let her go out on weekends by herself so she can just get away.

Don't be afraid to tell your husband what you WANT and/or NEED. If he is not receptive to that, then seek marriage counseling. You also have to give to him and be patient with him. There are always going to be times like this every once in a while. Get thru the tough times and don't give up...there are better times ahead.

Answer 2

I have been with my hubby for 17 years also.We have been married 15 of them.You first need to figure out exactly what you too are really fighting about.You need to ask yourself some questions. Like:

1. Who is starting the fights?

2. What are the supposed to be about?
3. Has this been going on for a while or did it just recently start happening?
4. Is he involved in these fights or are you starting them because you think he is mad at you.(Sometimes we don't feel like we are contributing enough without an outside job so we take offense to certain things even if they weren't met to offend).
5. You should also think about how things were before the arguments started.Around there inception did he change his daily habits.Like start showering right after coming home,Being secretive,I thing you know were I am going with this.

After you figure out what you are truly fighting about.Then you should try to remember just what made you two fall in love with each other in the first place.Try to help him remember what made him crazy about you.

Try to keep in mind that an argument is rarely about what it seems to be.There is usually something else that triggered off the argument.

Answer 3

My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 12, we have 2 children. It is normal to have rough patches, after all, look how long you've been together. You have to pick and choose your fights. Fighting fair to me, means, letting the little things go, and discussing the big issues when the children are in bed, or away and the grandparents. But always remember to talk, just pick the best times. Good luck.

Answer 4

(married 26 yrs., but don't have all the answers!)

Respect, is the key survival to all types of relationships. We know that anything outside its realm, we would do best to avoid speaking or demonstrating. Anger/hurt, the culprit to disrupting and overturing the positive attributes in relationships can be managed, but it will require 2 willing individuals. Purpose to discuss with your spouse a resolution to restore compatibility between you. Set-up boundaries that will avoid as many arguments as possible. Discussions, should be your goal. I've never been able to communicate effectively, when I'm angry. My hurtful words or threats only made matters worse! In setting up boundaries, a most effective rule was to physically separate (leave the room), until we both are "cooled-off," and confident to proceed with a rational discussion. We have learned to purpose in controlling our tongue, by chosing our words with careful thought to the question: would I appreciate what I'm about to say to my spouse, if it were said to me? I've also learned that I CAN make my point and that he's much more understanding and willing to honor my request (more often than not), if I chose words that are kind, considerate, and edifying to his self-esteem. I know that I feel and respond in the same way. Marriage, is always challenged with a chock-full of up's & down's and that will never change. You will always work @ keeping your marriage/family, happy and secure.
And, please don't despair if you do chose to see a marriage counselor. 90% of the marriages in the U.S. do!...... and they can do wonders!!
I hope if anything, this letter has been encouraging and points your marriage in the right direction.

Answer 5

Almost 18 years, dated for three before that. So you have only been married seven years - that's nothing, girl! Keep hanging in, and make sure the communication is the utmost of your priorities. What are you fighting for, anyway? There are very few things that are worth going through that. Usually what couples fight about isn't the right issue anyway - there is usually resentment or jealousy or disrespect, etc. You need to smarten up, treasure your relationship and children, and endeavour to make a happier family life for everyone.

Answer 6

We've been together about double the amount of time you have. What happens is you start to get on each other's nerves. I'm sorry about the fighting, I hope it lets up. As far as tips, all I can say is be patient and just bite your lip. Say "OK" a hellofalot and don't demand things you know he doesn't like to do. good luck.

Answer 7

Well it's easy to get a divorce, however 17 years ! Do you think it's worth fighting for??????????

I believe marriage is forever!~!!!! RIGHT OR WRONG, Bad or good, etc... Marriage is teamwork, also a FULL TIME JOB. You have to work on your marriage. Communicate

Don't throw 17 years away, I'm sure you have other issues that you have dealt with that you as a team made it through.

Answer 8

I have been married for 39 years. All happy? of course not .We grow in different direction and change our hopes and dreams as we age and mature more.We have had rough times but stayed and worked them out. It really depends on what you both really want.If you both are unhappy there is no since in beating a dead horse.But if you still love each other you need to put extra time and effort in your relationship.Good luck to you

Answer 9

Glad I'm getting out of mine after a year and a half of hell...

Answer 10

don't yell and scream, talk face to face and hold hands if very serious subject, never go to bed angry, communicate, if you find yourself getting to angry take a break, learn that you are a team.