Please tell me honestly, even the ladies okay?

Question

From what I see, once kids come into a marriage, life becomes tremendously difficult. I always hear "kids are great" from people who seem to want me to join their misery. I think too many people stick it out for their kids and aren't truly happy in the relationship, and I truthfully won't have kids "just in case" my relationship goes sour.
Thoughts ?

Answer 1

You are not alone. I know a lot of people who don't want to bring kids into this screwed up world or take a chance on having to fight over custody in a few years. I think if a person doesn't want to have kids, then don't! There are too many unloved and unwanted and uncared-for kids here already! Good for you!

Answer 2

I want to be the number one answere for this question and so here it goes:
Life is messy and it should be. Life should be full of all kinds of experiences the good, the bad and the ugly. While I think that there are things that should be accomplished before kids come along such as education, travel and some really good self-exploration, really getting to know yourself, I think that unless in your self-discovery you find that children are definately not for you, they are truly a joy and can add so much to your life. Im really happy to hear someone putting some serious thought into the issue. While they are a tremendous responsabilty forever till you die, after a child comes into your life, you wonder what or how much meaning or purpose your life had before? Your perspective on almost everything changes, I think it makes humanity better. All of a sudden that lowly bum on the corner holding the sign becomes what he really is... someones son, someones father, someones brother... Get it? As for sticking it out for the kids, well divorce really does mess with them for a long time. This means that it's more important than ever that you be a rational adult and take the time and effort to work on the marriage the best you can. Think about all the people that just walk away. Thats why getting to know yourself first before getting married is so important.

Answer 3

They say that kids can make or brake a marriage..But it is up to the couple. When you love someone, to have a child together is just the "having a family" part. But if your relationship is not going to good, then you might want to take a step back and look at the big picture. Where you stand in 10 years?? Is the person you are with is the one one that you are going to grow old with?? These days there are so many people having babies and then the couple splits the the child is the one who suffers.I know that sometimes things just can't work out no matter how hard you try. But to have a child just to see if it helps the relationship or stay just because you have a child together,, no I wouldn't agree with that..And that is my thought on it.. Hope it helps!!

Answer 4

Some people stay together for the kids but no more often than some people stay together just because they are comfortable and worked hard to build a life with a person. Splitting up means that you'll only have half the stuff you had before the split.

So by your theory you shouldn't get a dog or a house or nice cars because they could make you try to stay after your relationship goes sour. I say if you want a little piece of yourself and your spouse running around then do it! Deal with what might happen when it happens, you decide how your life plays out and if you don't want to be that couple that stays together for the children then don't!!

Answer 5

We had a baby this year and it changed our relationship a lot. Different things to fight about.. like should HE be allowed to go out with his friends while I'm stuck at home with the baby all the time? It doesn't seem fair but I sort of knew it would happen before we decided to have a baby. You lose sleep, fight over who's responsible for what (since it all changes).. We hardly have any time to go out as a couple anymore. We have less money, etc, etc...
However, you both end up loving this new little person more than anything in the world. It's something that the two of you can share. Our son has made me love my man even more because I know he's half of him. It's beautiful to see the resemblance. We watch our son grow together and every little change is a miracle that we can experience together. Makes life so much happier.

It seems like kids will tear apart your relationship. They definitely force you to make some big changes and decide what's really important. But neither of us regret having a child together. We love him and we love each other. Whatever happens, we're a family and we'll get through it together.
I know what you mean about couples who have children and seem miserable wanting you to join their "club." It seems like hell to an observer without children. The truth is, you can't experience the joy until you have your own baby. It's like a chemical reaction in your brain.. You just experience love and amazement from watching your own. You see your parents and grandparents in your child's eyes.. You'd give up your own life for them without a second thought. Their laughter is the most beautiful sound ever. It definitely over-shadows the poopy diapers and crying..

Answer 6

EVERYTHING changes once you have a kid, dirty diapers and feeding, never ending crying and sleepless nights suck all the romance out of any relationship. You are tired, heavier from giving birth, you will have hemorrhoids if it's natural birth, and will bleed for weeks, and if you had a C-Section you will not be able to move around and will suffer horrible gas for days and days.
Now, obviously, there goes the human race if everyone thought so, but we still seem to reproduce. You will be and feel responsible for your child till the day you die and they are time consuming and expensive, so yes, your relationship will take a back sit to parenting, no matter what anyone will tell you. If you do not feel the maternal urge, do not worry, Many couples opt not to have kids and that is fine for them. You can always get a fish, dog or cat, or do what I do, and get a plastic plant. Even if you forget to water it, the plant is still happy...

Answer 7

I kind of agree with you. Kids definitely make things more difficult and stressful, but I think many people rush into having children, or have children as a means to make their relationship better. Which doesn't make any sense...you have to have a solid foundation first in your relationship before you add any one else into the mix. If you are happy with your partner and work well as a team and both agree that it would be a good idea to have children I don't see that as a negative thing, of course it makes things hard. But I would think having children would strengthen a relationship (that is already strong). I myself do not have children, but even seeing my boyfriend hold, play and snuggle his baby niece just makes me fall even more in love with him. I can only imagine how wonderful it will be to have a little person that is a part of he and i, I personally can't wait, and only see the future becoming brighter and brighter. If your relationship is solid from the start, adding children will just bring you more joy.

Answer 8

That in a way is a good decision because you never know when you might not want to be with that person. But come on be honest not having kids just because of that? If you truly love the one you're with and you both want kids then go for it!! don't hold back b/c you are afraid of what may happen in the future!

Answer 9

I am inclinded to agree with you - sort of...I think people today are realizing that they have a lot of opportunities open to them that were not as socially acceptable in the past. Today you can be considered a successful, happy couple and not have kids.
My boyfriend and I talk about this often - we have a lot of opportunities ahead of us for travel and adventure - that frankly won't be as fun if we have kids. Not that we wont have adventures - but we won't have the luxury of being selfish and catering only to "us".
The fear I have is that 10 years down the road (we're in our 30's) we will desperately want kids and it will be too late to do so naturally.

Since I have always wanted to adopt a child - adopting an older kid may be the route to go. That way you don't have to go through the baby issues but still get to share your life with an amazing human and get to be called "Mom"...or "Dad" :)

Answer 10

Having kids is a personal choice. If you like kids and would want to start a family one day, don't let other peoples dysfunctional relationships ruin an opportunity for you.
Even if you did have kids and the relationship didn't work out, always let the kids know you love them and that you've got their back, no matter what.