After X-Mas, we "rescued" two girls (at their request) from their abusive mother (who threatened to "kill his girls" if she didn't get to speak with their father) and placed them with us; their father and me. The oldest girl is 17 and the young one is 10 years old. We got the police involved and Child Protective Services as well. All these outside parties agree that the father's home is the most stable for the two girls. Now, a month later, when the 17 year old doesn't want to go to school anymore, she plots with her mother to have her come pick up the girls and take them with her (4 hrs drive away). I discovered this "secret plot" on the computer screen. I told their father and we asked what was going on. The 17 year old is adament that she wants to go back to the environment - even admitting that it's disfunctional, but "that's what I want!" The 10 year old wants to go with her sister. No custody papers are in place for either side. How do we protect the 10 year old from this?
2007-01-31 04:30:40 · 13 answers · asked by Dawn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Children want their Mother's love and approval and love their Mothers no matter what. No matter how old the child grows, the child will always want the Mother's love and approval. Therefore, the child keeps going back until they obtain it.
Quite frankly, your environment sounds more stable and structured. The seventeen years old girl is probably wanting to go back to her Mother's place because she can get away with more there. The ten years old girl is being influenced by her sister, She is not old enough to make decisions for herself. Get custody papers going NOW! Tell the teenager she can always come back to you and do not slam any doors, but let her go back.
2007-01-31 04:46:46 · answer #1 · answered by kathleen m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From my own experiences the 17 year old has full say where she goes. Where the 10 year old her parents will have more say than she does.
What I would do is get a lawyer now. It sounds much like normal childhood when a kid doesnt get their way they try and turn parents against each other (Daughters normally go to mom who remembers what its like to be a teenage girl, and boys to dad for the same reason)
But if you truly feel this children are at risk going back to their mother than its time to get authorities involved. I know you said they police were notified and that so was Child Services, but get this all hammered out legally so that you can put some sort of "Visitation privledges under watch" for the mother who seems to be a confused woman.
Also becareful getting caught between in this might turn the children against you who to them are an "outsider"
2007-01-31 04:39:09 · answer #2 · answered by TRENT L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! what a story. You poor man what have you taken on. My first thing to say was the last thing which you wrote, a psychotherapist or counselling. Would changing his school make any difference ? you do not mention his age. All you can do is be the man and treat him as a young man, do you go to sports events together? go men shopping? just the two of you so that bonding may happen. Are there any martial arts around or the territorial Army for the youngsters, my son loved that and the discipline. You are doing well but I know it is hard but now a days in our prudish society watch out with the hitting. Maybe sitting down and having boy time with him. I hope this helps. God bless.x
2016-03-28 22:24:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very difficult from this short paragraph to get real sense of what's going on. It appears to me that there may be some structure for the girls set up at their father's home, that may not be in place at their mom's. It is very attractive for a teenager to have the option not to go to school if she doesn't want to and it's likely that the father does not support this behavior. The attraction of skipping out of school may be greater than the threat of abuse (not sure if it has gone beyond threats). I'm no lawyer, but it seems to me that if the girls are allowed to be truant from school when in the care of their mother, authorities can be notified and that should put a stop to it.
2007-01-31 04:41:11 · answer #4 · answered by jane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have papers indicating that you and your husband are the legal guardians, the ex-wife would have to return the girls.
The 17 year old may be old enough to make her own decision.
That's really sad to read when an "adult" is acting childish and using kids as a pawn to manipulate.
2007-01-31 04:39:40 · answer #5 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because regarless of everything that is their mother- find a lawyer - unfortunately the little one will follow the oldest- but remember the oldest will be 18 soon and can leave the home - try to make her understand she needs to convince the little one to stay
2007-01-31 04:34:21 · answer #6 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 17 year old female thinks she has it all figured out. Mom is probably promising her whatever. Stick to your guns.
2007-01-31 04:39:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is their MOTHER. No matter what they will always have that everlasting love for their mother. Its just natura in human beings to be affectionate like that.
2007-01-31 04:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by twentyalready?! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The children know they can manipulate the disfuntional mother to get their way.
2007-01-31 04:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the court would still have some control. get with social services.
2007-01-31 04:36:57 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋