Even though my pre-teenage girl is very smart, and make very good grades, I found she lacks confidence on herself, she is very negative, she never likes anything I say or proposed, if I say " that music is good" she inmediately says is "bad", if I suggest a book, she does not even look at it, she inmediately says NO. I am loosing communication with her, and can't help her much because she does not understand my explanations ( math) even tough I am a math teacher, she roll her eyes around, and that makes me insane....need help, I am loosing my daughter...
2007-01-31 03:58:11 · 27 answers · asked by texi 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
welcome to the new millenium, you have britney spears and paris hilton to thank for that
2007-01-31 04:03:07 · answer #1 · answered by rockstar_livin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, sounds so familiar! My daughter is 12 and exactly the same. I don't think we are losing them however, it's just some hing for independance that they need to go through. Even the math part...her father and I arent teachers but have both always excelled at it, but we can;t get her to understand what we mean when we try to show her how to get her own answers. I think the best thing to do might be to tell her to ask her OWN teacher. Every one has different teachign styles and she may just be getting lost between teh two. Since you are a teacher then you know they really don't mind. With the pay teachers get, I know they are there because they love teh job and want to help. Just have her stay after class a few minutes and ask them to explain it to her using the same methods they haev been being taught in class. Even my ex ( her father) and I tried to show her by different methods, BOTH of which ended different from what the teacher was doing. Good luck adn just remember to keep at it! My daughter is startign to come back around, yours will soon too! Just let her know that no matter what you are there. Sometimes it's all we CAN do!
2007-01-31 12:07:31 · answer #2 · answered by Betsy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not losing her. She's a very smart young lady, and she's testing her boundaries. I did the same thing. Everything my Mom liked was stupid, I didn't want to listen, everything around me was awful, etc.
Just keep trying to get through to her. Eventually she'll realize that what you're saying makes sense.
Is she having a negative attitude about everything? Hard time with classmates/friends? If so, just remind her that everything in life is easier with a positive attidue. She wants to toss something negative out, be ready to come back at her with a positive (e.g. she says "I've been sick for 4 days!" you reply with, "yes, but think about how much BETTER you are than you were 4 days ago!")
It seems silly, but it helps. My mom kept telling me that life is SO much harder when you can only see the bad... that maybe my life would get better if I worked really hard to start seeing the GOOD.
Guess what? I'm an optimist now....
Keep the faith... and good luck!
2007-01-31 14:43:11 · answer #3 · answered by tah_map 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like puberty, not some Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde thing going on with your daughter. I'd just suggest continuing to communicate with her, even if her replies are cold. She needs to know that you're there and that's what counts. She's at an age where mom is totally "uncool" and the worst thing you can do is harp on it or try to become cool. Just be yourself and be constant. And use your corny feeling words. It's so old school, but it works. Right after she's brusque with you, say, "When you said that/did that, it made me feel really hurt." She internalize it, even if she doesn't respond. As someone who's worked with teens in every imaginable way, trust me, there is nothing worse than the 10-14 year old child. I promise, give her a few years, don't kill her, and you'll get her back.
2007-01-31 12:08:02 · answer #4 · answered by shannonscorpio 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Welcome, sister, we've been expecting you! This is part of her growing up and it can be frustrating.
How to phrase this? Don't keep dramas and war movies and the like on TV, instead, change the channel to something funny, like cartoons. (better still, turn off the boob tube) Same with the music you're listening too. She is watching and listening to what you are watching and listening to. Will this make her love you? Nope, but it will reduce the amount of negative stimuli she is recieving in her day.
Don't try to 'connect' with her, she wants to find her own thing right now. Let her. This is difficult. Try to have a sense of humor about it. I often ask my kids why that man on the radio is screaming at me and they laugh at silly, past it mommy.
Let her pick our her own clothes when shopping and let her experiment with styles until she finds her own. Same with books.
The best you can do really is to be there when she needs you, keep an eye out for potential drug use or criminal activity, and try not to tear your hair out. She'll come around.
2007-01-31 12:19:19 · answer #5 · answered by Mo the treehugger! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your losing your daughter she is just at that age when they believe Mother's are just dumb and annoying. Just keep praising her, offer your suggestions and ignore her comments, she's just trying to get a rise out of you. I would however stop the math help and have her math teacher help her (she is not willing to listen to you and it will end up causing conflict).
Keep being her Mom and learn when to ignore the comments and her actions and when to speak your mind. Pick your fights and make sure they are worthy of your time, there's no use fighting over something petty. Remember she is entering the glorious teen years and the hormones are just starting to rage. Make sure that you don't waste your energy now, you'll need it later on (trust me), don't sweat the small stuff.
2007-01-31 12:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by trojan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being an 16 year old I think I can help. Try increasing the number of family outings. Investigate her interests and build on them. Likes a particular band? Buy her a CD. Now comes the tough part, use reverse psychology. Instead of asking, "Do you want help with your math homework?" ask her this, "You don't want help with your homework do you?" But NEVER start ignoring her! This is the most sick part, when she's in school, poke around her room to find out more about her and investigate.
2007-01-31 12:07:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Theres not much you can do about it so stop worrying. she will find her way eventually. All teens are rebellious to some level and us adults are completley un cool as far as their concerned..She will get more distant from you as she stays in her teens and then she will do a full circle when she matures and realises what a dork she was ..You cant change everything so just go with the flow and love her as normal . There is no point in you getting more grey hairs so just give her the space she wants and watch over her from a respectabale distance unless of course she over steps the mark if you know what I mean..
2007-01-31 12:05:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you're not loosing your baby girl. She's just decided that she knows more than you do right now. She's just being a normal pre-teen. She'll always need you though and deep down, she knows it. She's probably got alot of pressures at school to fit in and be "cool". Moms just arn't that "cool" when their kids are that age. My son is doing the same thing at times. I just roll with it. I don't try and be his "friend". I do talk to him (when he will ) about school and his friends, but I remain in control of his behavior. He's not allowed to roll his eyes or be sarcastic with me.
Good luck ~ I wish this were easier on both of us!
2007-01-31 12:06:21 · answer #9 · answered by bluegrass 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just let her be for now. give her a little more space and leave her alone. she, at one point, will come to you. 11 is a hard age for most girls because many things change in the social, mental and physical fields. have you tried *bribing her? let her feel more adult by letting her have some more friends over, or giving her something to be responsable for, like something living or expensive. get her a pet or a cell phone or some piece of technology.
brace yourself, she is beomming a teenager, you are in for one hell of an emotional rollercoaster with her.
well, good luck!
2007-01-31 12:10:48 · answer #10 · answered by Kathy23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All adolescents are like this at some stage. I promise you it will go away. Just keep an eye on her and continue to be nice & loving towards her (which doesn't mean you should let her get away with anything - if she's being rude tell her, she came out of your womb after all and is living in your house with your rules), sooner or later she will probably feel terrible for being so awful to you and will get over herself.
2007-01-31 12:04:10 · answer #11 · answered by probablestars 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋