We get along ok. No fighting, abuse of any kind or anything. I just do not feel like I used to. We got married when we were 23 and 22. Both of us have changed so much. With our current personalitys at 34 and 33 we would most likely not be anything more than passing friends if we meet today. She is a stay at home mom. We both agreed to have children wich I love and am very happy we had. I will never leave her while they are still at home. They are more important than anything else in either of our lifes. I do not know how she feel but I would guess it is the same. I feel bad sometimes becouse I feel this way. We have been through most of our 20,s and 30's together all the hard times and good times that come with that. But what can you do when you no longer feel that connection. She is no longer the person that I turn to first in hard times, that I feel like I can count on no matter what, and that I know will understand me. Anyone else with this kind of experiance?
2007-01-31 03:49:20 · 9 answers · asked by Brian 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Not to worry, what you're feeling is quite normal. You should plan a romantic get-away for you and your wife, and give your marriage a jump-start. When raising kids, it's very easy to loose the romance in your marriage. You have to work on getting those feelings back. Best of luck!
2007-01-31 03:55:58 · answer #1 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's most important right now is that you are faithful to her, you are a good father to your children and that you don't harbor any secrets. Think about this....would you rather see your wife with some other guy raising your kids? It's a painful thought and I'm going through that now b/c of a decision I made years ago.
The key to your problem is you need to put more of a "spark" back in your relationship with your spouse. Plan a nice weekend getaway for just the two of you. Maybe plan a "date night" once every 2 weeks so you two can rekindle your romance. Make her the most important person and the person you CAN turn to in times of need.
I'm not sure about your religious status, but make sure that you and your family attend services regularly and do things together. You'll be much happier when the kids have moved out and you and your spouse can enjoy being grandparents and best friends.
GOOD LUCK!
2007-01-31 12:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by chad_zortman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through a very similiar marriage myself. I was with him since I was 17 years old, so we were together 22 years and married 17 years. We had 2 children together. I felt the same way as u near the end. We had totally grown apart. I knew I no longer was "in love" with him. I loved him as a person, only because I had been with him so long, but that was the extent of it. There was no passion, there was no excitement to be with him, I didn't even want to make love to him, I felt dead inside. I, like u, felt I couldn't leave because of the kids. But then I started to really watch the kids and realize they could feel this tention, and they didn't seem as happy as they used to, they were being raised in a loveless marriage. This I will tell u right now, is not fair to any child. They should be raised seeing love and happiness. I knew it would be hard for them at first, but I knew in the end it would be the best thing for everyone. We split up when my son was 14 and my daughter was 16. (tough ages) It only took a month or so for them to realize that wow these two parents can be so happy, but not together. They used to come back from their Dad's and say.......Mom Dad is so much more fun now, he laughs and talks and is a totally different person. Believe me staying together for kids is not doing them any favours. The important part is how u act during and after the split. You have to show the kids they don't have to choose sides, never talk bad about the other parent, and show respect for each other when u do have to see the other parent. As for me it was the greatest decision of my life. I got my life back, and found myself again. I am happy and I have fun in life now. Life is too short to live without love and happiness. You don't want to look back after years of staying in a marriage like that and think "wow what a waste of so many years" I wish u all the luck in the world and hope u really think of your decision, and know that just having your parents "togther" is not the answer to raising healthy, happy kids.
2007-01-31 12:17:39 · answer #3 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all she is the same person you married. Children and situations change though and we have to adapt. First of all you can't solve a problem unless you talk about it. You only get rid of one set of problems for another if you are thinking of a significant other. No one's relationship is perfect. I encourage you to pray and talk to God about the situation. Eleven years is a long time and I know deep down you do love her as well as your children. Divorce is never easy at any age. Even after your children leave. I am a stay at home mom myself. My relationship has changed with my husband over the years and I also have three children. I look forward to every day God blesses me to be with my husband and children. If your wife stays at home and takes care of 3 kids and a home that is a big deal. She might not even be aware that the relationship is not good or maybe she does and doesn't know how to fix it. I encourage you if you and your family do not go to church to do so. Let God take control of your life. I promise he does not make mistakes and you can have your joy you once had.
2007-01-31 12:04:48 · answer #4 · answered by christy1001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when two people get married at a young age that tends to happen. maybe you two were young and you didnt fully develop. thats normal. try to go on a vacation with her and be super romantic and try to bring that old spice back! shes your wife and you should give it all another chance for each other and for the kids! marriage is a big thing in this society but it doesnt always work...give it time....and if in time you still feel the same way try to see how she feels....best of luck to you!
2007-01-31 17:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by Suze 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel you DUDE. I bet you aren't the person she fell in love with either. The sad thing is the children feel this disconnect. And in the end they will be the ones hurt the most. GOOD LUCK.
2007-01-31 11:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is normal to grow apart. since you do not actually have serious marital issues, i would advise you to try and spice back up the relationship. get back the zest you have lost. go back in time and do some of the things you two used to do. lose the routine. you will be okay.
2007-01-31 11:58:35 · answer #7 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whatever you do dont get a divorce it could hurt the kids plus marriage is forever no matter what you do
2007-01-31 11:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by meily m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u need to work on getting that romance bak, its quite a nomal feeling, so all the best
2007-01-31 11:59:17 · answer #9 · answered by ria 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋