In 12 yrs of marriage there have been a few violent fights between me and my husband.One he choked me when I was 8 mths pregnant and another he charged me,i fell and got a concussion. The others I feel equally responsible for because I was just as physical. He always knit picks at petty things about me like, I smell like an ashtray( i smoke) so does he, my coffee stinks in the morning, says that I can't make a decision to save my life (when this is actually him),says hurtful things and then says that its me because I don't get his sense of humor,once told me that having sex with me was too much work, always seems irritable and aggravated,but denies there is anything wrong. Refuses to spend any quality time with me,such as a date. keeps making excuses, any attempts I do to make our marriage better he is a road block.I know this sounds crazy,even to me, but does something seems wrong with this picture?part of me says this relationship is messed up, other parts of me says maybe its me
2007-01-31 03:49:08 · 16 answers · asked by Kat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kitty, I have been married for ten years and have seen my fair share of failed relationships with ex-girlfriends.
I have gotten into arguments, been petty, been passive aggressive and said all the other dumb things we do when arguing.
I have never struck a woman. Ever.
What you are describing is not a man but a child with a temper. To call him a man is a true insult for those of us who are. He is abusive. He is emotionally abusive. He is manipulative. He is angry.
He takes it out on you. And your child. If you are 8 months pregnant and he is choking you...he is choking your child as well. Thats a real class act, choking an unborn child. Not even born and he already abuses him or her.
He is keeping you down. Sapping the will out of you. You see, he knows something. And it frightens him. Scares him. It makes him angry. You are too good for him. The only way he can kee his tool is by beating her down to the point that she no longer sees her own self worth. That she has nowhere to go, no future w/o him. That you have nowhere to go. That you have no future w/o him. But its a lie.
The first place you should go is to the police. Followed by a trip to your local woman's advocacy center. Then a lawyer.
Kitty, it doesn't get better. Only worse. Protect yourself. Protect your child.
Get out.
2007-01-31 04:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not you honey..your husband is an abusive asshole and now hes getting pleasure from making you feel like crap..now that you have let him get away with it this long he thinks he can continue..listen, sweetie..you need to leave..get your kids and get away from this monster...I know you may think you cant live without him because you have been together so long, but you can..have some faith..this relationship is screwed..the more you stick around the more this man is developing the potential to really hurt you..I would tell you to stand up to him and tell him how you feel, but I wouldnt in fear he might knock you back down..my best advice sweetie..GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE..Good Luck
2007-01-31 03:59:25 · answer #2 · answered by Jessi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a controlling, violent and abusive relationship..
You needed to get out a long time ago.. GET OUT NOW!!
Don't you realize this animal put you and your childs life in danger when he choked you. is this the kind of home you want your kids to be brought up in? Remember, Children learn what they live..
2007-01-31 04:16:24 · answer #3 · answered by Tracy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abused women always feel that it their fault, they are not being the best wife or the best cook or whatever it is. they think it must be their fault. you are in a abusive marriage and it will only get worse. not better!!!!. Call the domestic abuse line now and get some help!!! tell then your story and see to it that you start the group session. Good Luck
2007-01-31 04:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey get some self esteem and leave this jerk.What makes it worse it that you have been with him for so long and he trats you this way. Your better off by your self then with this jerk and I'm sure your children probably will feel that way to. No child likes to see or hear there mother trared that way. So wish you good luck and by the way it;s both abusive and violent.
2007-01-31 04:01:38 · answer #5 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship is both violent, and abusive, and needs to stop. You're way beyond having "problems" and need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible! Good luck!
2007-01-31 03:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by grandm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you just want confirmation so here it is....You're in an abusive relationship...physical, mental, and every other way possible. It doesn't matter who started it. Violence is bad....especially when it's the person you supposedly love. You both need help and I mean this in a constructive way...not offensive.
2007-01-31 04:02:43 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
violent, volatile, whatever you want to call it - it's hostile and it's not healthy. do you want to stay in this situation?
both can be to blame, i don't think that is the biggest issue, placing blame? No, how about a SOLUTION?
if counseling is out of the question your best solution is to seek a way to put an end to the madness and ciaos.
2007-01-31 03:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by rla26368 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you were choked is enough (especially while 8 months pregnant). there is no wondering about this, it is abusive and a bad situation, get out while you can.
2007-01-31 04:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by bilko_ca 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like he's resentful to you for something. It sounds a tad abusive to me. Violent or abusive aside, it's not healthy and something drastic needs to happen (like a trial separation).
2007-01-31 03:59:14 · answer #10 · answered by Lake 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋