I am a follower of the dharmavinaya (buddhism) Can we successfully keep compassion from creating sufferiing?

Question

Karuna (compassion) is always seen as a positive emotive state...something "good" to practice...but we can and often DO create even more suffering for people by showing and giving TOO MUCH compassion....unchecked it can cause dependence and
weakness...suffering...How do we stop this...or can we?

Answer 1

in your compassion you are offering of yourself something you believe a person needs or wants or both .either why it is in the giving that matters .if you help hurts find a more proper why to give! dont just give up. this would be the ultamate form of being uncompassionate

Answer 2

Excellent question. Compassion, from it Latin roots, means with passion (suffering). When we are compassionate we feel the suffering of others. This very human emotion can not be wrong. What "is" wrong is suffering itself. And the root of all human suffering is sin, acting contrary to God's way. It all began in God's garden when we were tempted by a question we all still ask today "Did God really say that?" Because we have each of us gone behind God's word and chosen instead to make gods with our own hands we have suffered the natural consequences - human suffering, from death itself to our inability often to show love to our neighbor (who is anyone we meet including an enemy), to treat him or her as we desire to be treated, to see God in the other, and not to judge anyone, but to be forgiving.

Answer 3

Yes, good question. I think it depends on the person's (the one offering) intent (karma). Is the person compassionate because he/she wants to teach another person practical and realistic skills in order for the other person to be self-reliant? Or is the compassion offered for the purpose of getting some sort of self-validation, some reward thinking: "I'm being compassionate, I'm bound to get some brownie points!"

What I mean by "teaching" is by gently pointing to another to see the causes and effect of the suffering we find ourselves in. Have you heard of the saying: "GIVE a man a fish, feed him for a day; TEACH a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime"? As I see it, both the acts of giving and teaching are compassionate acts, the subtle difference is the latter helps another to become self-sufficient, by becoming an island unto himself, from the Dhammapada:

"238. Make an island unto yourself! Strive hard and become wise! Rid of impurities and cleansed of stain, you shall not come again to birth and decay."

>>>How do we stop this...or can we?

I think it's possible to "stop" the "dependence" by being mindful and by carefully approaching a situation, then wisely picking out the best way to offer the help needed for that situation. You did not give an example of the situation you had in mind in your question, let's take the role of parents. Sometimes parents "smother" their children by doing everything for them, never giving their children the opportunity to experience things for themselves: the opportunity to learn from mistakes and experiencing the consequences from those mistakes. Here, a parent might think he's being "cool" by thinking: "Ah, if I do this for my daughter she's going to think I'm the coolest dad in the world---and I only want the best for her anyway." (This is an example of scoring "brownie points")

A wise parent is taking on the responsibilities---whether the acts are popular or not, cool or not---the central theme should be teaching children life skills so that if they should find themselves alone, on their own, they are able to face the travails that are part of life. If they can do this, then they are not only lessening the burden of suffering for themselves, but for others by being responsible for themselves.

Hope this was helpful.



(By the way, the quote about fishing goes against the grain of Buddhist teachings because it would be causing fish to suffer, but I thought allegorically, it drives a point. I think the quote comes from Christian background, but I'm not positive on this.)