I have been dating my bf for 2 years. We moved across the country for his job, which is sending us back across the country this summer(for good). We have a really good relationship for the most part, but we are definitely lacking a few things. We have been talking about marriage for the last year/year and a half and he is always saying 'i know you are the one' and 'i want to be with you forever', but only after i initiate the conversation. Lately, I have started to feel like I don't even know what he really wants out of this and that I am he is just taking me for granted. He has an extremely demanding career which seems to put the focus of everything on him. I am sick of it being his way or no way all of the time and now I am the one that is confused about what I want. I am considering moving back home a few months before he does just to have a little time to myself to figure out what I really want. He is VERY against this idea and of course says, 'what about me?' What would you do?
2007-01-31 03:23:26 · 17 answers · asked by h_nanny 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Move back home....get your "head on straight".....he is getting the milk now, why buy the cow? A few nights alone in that big old bed, will make him realize what a great woman he is about to lose...for good! He will come to his senses!!
2007-01-31 03:30:14 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To put it nicely, YOU moved across country with him. HE wanted you to. Now you want to leave him for a few months to figure things out. Seems a little odd for someone who is supposed to be there emotionally for your partner while he is attempting to make a life with you. Men don't initiate marriage talk. It's the way it is and the way it always was. Get used to it. We don't get used and taken advantage of by men, we allow it to happen (this goes for men too). It's called life. And when you talk about his career putting the focus on him, YES that is the way it's supposed to be. He is working that job - not you.
Beginning to see a little jealousy and a little envy of his job, stature, and the fact that you don't have that. If he is demanding on you at home, about your work you do there (I'm assuming you don't work outside the home by the sounds of things - could be wrong though), tell him you are doing your best and that you are his girlfriend not an employee. If he is demanding with your time, that's because he wants to spend time with you.
Doesn't sound like you are mature enough for a relationship let alone a marriage. Sounds like you need more time to rediscover what will ultimately make you happy, and keep you feeling safe and secure in a relationship.
2007-01-31 11:36:27 · answer #2 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is soooo crazy! I'm in a VERY similar situation. Wow.
Well, I'm still a little confused as well. So far all I've come up with is being honest and not pushing anything too hard. I decided to worry about my own life and not get hung up on that fact that I did this or that for him and also to quit worrying about the whole "marriage" thing (that was really hard...he actually had me looking at rings online once....and then NOTHING! ouch.)
Just go with the flow and quit thinking about "shoulds". Just go out into the world and "do" whatever makes you crazy-happy. Until you are truly happy with your own self ...(not depending on someone else to help you be happy).. no one else is going to be "truly" happy with you. i.e.= your bf.
Always be greatful for what you have at this moment, and more always comes. It's the law of attraction.
2007-01-31 11:42:00 · answer #3 · answered by DiscoGoddess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without any dramas, simply tell him that you will not join him to his new job station because the relationship is not going anywhere and after so much sacrifice of your part, you have yielded no results. tell him that you love him but you love yourself too, and that you will be going home to start your life over so you can move forward. Tell him that words are nice but after two years you are looking for a more serious commitment and that is npt fair to you to keep on waiting and sacrifizing and moving without any security and guarrantees. Tell him that you want to get settled and if settling is not in his projects then is best if you move on.
If he loves you, he will know that he is risking loosing you and if he really loves you then he will make a commitment. A trial separation would be nice to make your point across and for him to see that you are not his doormat and that you are talking bussiness. If you are always available then he will continue taking you for granted.
Good luck
2007-01-31 11:40:32 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can take time out without moving back for a few months, take some time to yourself to do things you wish to do on your own, make sure you have some relaxing time to yourself to get your thoughts straight before entering any discussions about the future with him.
it may well be that he works so hard on his career to give you both the things you want in life, to make a good future for you both, a secure future for which to get married and maybe start a family.... ask him, talk to him.. dont use games like i will go unless i get the answers i want, respect what he is doing and make an effort yourself to put the spark back into the relationship.. only when you have truely explored the whole relationship and done everything you can to make it happy can you really decide if it is really not what you want
2007-01-31 11:33:40 · answer #5 · answered by merrpet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is a good idea for you to leave and go home so you can think things through about this big decision that you have to make. Because if you are having doubts about your boyfriends abilities to be equal and fair with you in every way then you should take a break from him and find out not only how you truly & honestly feel he also needs to find out exactly how he truly & honestly feels as well.
Good Luck & God Bless!
2007-01-31 11:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to decide what is important to you and express it to him. There is always some give and take in every relationship but it should be equal. When you decide what you area looking for then you should have this conversation with him so that he has a chance to make some informed decisions. maybe the seperation of space for a few months will make the relationship stronger and give him a chance to realize how important you are to him
2007-01-31 11:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by laughtime 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to figure out exactly what you want. Once you figure it out, then you need to let him know. If you stay in this limbo period without doing some soul searching, then you'll continue to grow resentful towards him.
Personally, I think time away is always good. It always helps me to take a step back from the situation. For me it's very difficult to analyze and think objectively about a situation if I'm stuck right in the middle of it. Give yourself some time.
2007-01-31 11:35:36 · answer #8 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow what your heart is telling you. If you are having second thoughts there is a reason. I think you should take time and think things over. Don't settle because you think you have too. Sit back and ask yourself if you will be happy forever with the way things are now. Good luck.
2007-01-31 11:31:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He says "What about me?" Geez, you moved across the country for HIM. You're still not married because of HIM. He is taking you for granted.
Pack you bags, head for the door. If he stops you and finally commits to you, then you got what you wanted. If he doesn't, you'll know where you stand. Good luck.
2007-01-31 11:30:06 · answer #10 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋