it started off about a year ago. He is normally a very understanding loving person. But now whenever we fall out about anything he immediately becomes verbally foul and lies. Some of the things he has said are so untrue and hurtful that I cannot just let it go anymore. He also does it to my daughter whom is not his,and is 16 years old, from a previous relationship. I truly think that there is some kind of mental problem. We have been together for 8 years now and the last year has just been one row after another. I dont think that I can forgive him all the time. His language is awful and I have a 6 year old daughter as well. He used to be such a wonderful man . I feel so hurt from all the awful things he says that are made up lies. I really dont know what to do.
2007-01-31 02:59:12 · 16 answers · asked by sleepo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Although I don't have children, I have been in your position with regards to the relationship. You've been with each other so long, that you either put up with all the crap, or you break and run. It seems like because of your children, it's terribly difficult for you to break and run. You probably rely on him for some income, right? Now you're stuck. Basically a doormat. He thinks it's ok because you both know each other so well, he doesn't ahve to sugar-coat his feelings or communications with you.
But, let me make one thing very clear: His behavior is definitely wrong.
Now, what to do about it? Can you fall back on your family, friends, or community for support? That is a necessary step to getting away from this neanderthal (sorry Geico...). Which, if you haven't already figured out, is what you have to do. Think about your children first--as a child of a violent marriage, I can say that my parent's physical and mental abuse of one another has permanently screwed with my head. You must remove your children from this situation. They are innocent! Use them as your motivation to at least be away from this guy, and be more careful when/if you chose a new daddy.
2007-01-31 03:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by f8_smyled 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suffer from mental illness - and I have always wondered which part of me is the "illness" and which part of me is "me". Without medication, I'm irritable, use bad language, and even get a bit violent. With medication, I'm the usual "me" - easy going, with a sense of humour, loving and hard-working.
I used to believe I had a soul, an enduring "self". But that belief has been destroyed, because I become a DIFFERENT person, depending on the medication I take... how can I say I have a certain type of "self", when that self changes with what chemicals I ingest?
I've considered never marrying (I'm 27), for the simple reason that I may just make my wife's life miserable...
But since you are already married, if I were you, I would tough it out, go to marriage therapy, etc. - because after all, our marriage vows say "in sickness and in health"..
2007-01-31 03:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by Robby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it just started a year ago then it could be a metal problem or even stress. But this doesn't make it ok for him to be verbally abusive. Yes abuse, this is called verbally abusive behavior he needs to see a doctor . I'm sure theirs methods that can control his mouth. As for you don't let him disrespect you, in the moment that he starts put your foot down let him know what he is doing is wrong and that you wont put up with it. Tell him that you are not gonna listen to what he has to say till he talks to you like a normal human bean. But it is very important you say what you mean and you mean what you say. Good luck sweetie
2007-01-31 03:29:52 · answer #3 · answered by Alex 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry. What he does is probably not medically related. Seems like he is looking for a way out. Plus, you cannot let your children be exposed to this. Maybe it is his guilt speaking. Feeling guilty cause he doesn't want to be there anymore. You need a man who is going to respect you and your children. I would give him an ultimatum. Stop it or get out. I bet he leaves. I'm sorry that he has to treat you like this. You are a woman so be strong and stand up for yourself. You will find love again. Promise.
2007-01-31 03:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a very good book out called Irritable Male Syndrome and it explains behaviors and moods of men and also explains many mental illnesses that can effect a mans behavior, I learned so much from that book. I am not sure of the authors name but, the title is correct.
2007-01-31 03:26:28 · answer #5 · answered by Urchin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for you. People deserve to be treated with respect. Someone who directs his or her anger toward someone else is usually angry or fearful of himself, and they don't know how to resolve their own inner conflict, so they take it out on those closest to them. Unfortunately I know a lot about this. And as you said, verbal spears are like daggers. To have your character attacked, whether it is true or not, is very painful. You need to speak up for yourself and set the right example for your children. You will do both them and you a wonderful service. Good Luck!
2007-01-31 03:10:47 · answer #6 · answered by abc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is a medical problem ...The address it...NEVER EVER put up with an emotional abuser...it damages you so bad you will not believe it. Especially if you have a child around. SHe is innocent and she does not need this....If he does not seek help IMMEDIATELY. GET out whil eyou still can...otherwise you will end up feeling sorry for him and pulled to stay back. Goodluck
2007-01-31 03:06:01 · answer #7 · answered by LA lakers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could be several reasons. one is hes dealing with something he hasnt told you and its affected his whole personality. or hes not happy anymore in his life and could be suffering from a depression and needs medication. have you tried to talk to him and expressed how you felt?my husband can get like that some times but ive learned that deep down something was botherring him. once i can get him to open up to me and talk he feels better and isnt so hateful and angry.
2007-01-31 03:10:20 · answer #8 · answered by pkuchick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the onset of depression
2007-01-31 03:44:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady if he treating your child like that then you need to get out!!!! That is messed up!!! I know you probley love him, but verbally always lead to physical abuse!!!! trust me i watch my mom go through it a million times!!! Plz get out before you get physically hurt please mam' get out of taht realtionship not only for you, but for your child to!!!!!
2007-01-31 03:07:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋