Should I end my 8 year marriage?

Question

I am finding it very hard to love my husband anymore. He has gotten into some really bad legal troubles, even looking at jail time. He keeps trying to be someone he's not. I have told him repeatedly that I don't like it, but he continues to do it. He also enjoys flirting with single women in online dating services. I told him I was very uncomfortable with that, but he still continued. He even went as far as having internet sex with a girl. How much am I supposed to endure? I no longer find him attractive, actually I am repulsed by the site of him in the bedroom. I feel no sexual desire for him anymore. I always thought I would marry for life, I don't like divorce, it's too common these days. I have no friends to turn to, and I can't talk to my family about this. What do I do? Should I stay, or should I go?

Answer 1

Being turned off by someone who once turned you on is very very hard to reverse, and usually caused by a number of different factors.
If your husband does jail time and if while doing that time you are able to maturely facilitate change, it may work out for the better, but alas, contempt is also contageous and his attitude may well prove his undoing and your keys to a new and wiser future.
G/luck. G/bless

Answer 2

I feel your pain. While I've only been married for two years, our marriage is in serious trouble. You have to keep your own mental health as a top priority. It takes more than love to make a marriage work and it sounds like you really don't even have love for him anymore. There are SO many people out there that will degrade you for even considering a divorce, but sometimes there just isn't an option. You can only bend so far before you break and why should you allow someone else to break you. After all, he made the same promise you did when you two were married, but he's not keeping his end of the deal.

Answer 3

Well, what would it take for you to love him again?

Hint: If you can't think of anything, it's time to leave. If a change in behavior would improve things, and you've tried talking to him about it, you can try counseling. However, my reccomendation is Get Out While You Can. I don't know how old you are, but my mom had me when she was 39, and had gotten married at 34. There is life after the big three-oh.

What's the point in being married if you're not happy? Marriage is about teamwork, togetherness, sensitivity (I'll admit I lack in this department), love, tenderness, and enduring the hard times together.

My wife tolerated a porn habit that I had for a while. I got over it. It wasn't easy. I finally figured out she had been shunning me because of it. When I deleted it from the computer, and proved it to her...I didn't sleep for a week. Literally. That's her endurance of the hard times. I work about 90 hours a week. That's endurance on both our parts.

But everything that isn't essential to survival gets put on hold for each other.

Maybe he's forgotten how important you are to him. Try letting him know he's used up his slack. Be careful with ultimatums, though. Find a way to let him know the line has been drawn, but be ready to follow through if he doesn't fix things.

Answer 4

well u have many issues - legal issues, identity issues of yr hubby, sexual promiscousness issues and attraction issues among others.
Well the first question is that do you have kids - because they will be affected by what happens between the two of you.
Secondly, you can talk to yr in-laws or a close friend of yr hubby so that someone can get thru to him.
You can also try to convince him to take counselling - in fact for the both of you.
I can understand that you hubby is not perfect - but life is not perfect, and there will always be problems. There is no final solution. The legal issues can be solved. Others things can be solved by therapy. Maybe he needs pills. Maybe a new job or a hobby. Some people dont realize that their life has changed and that they need to adjust.
So, even if you leave him - it does not mean that you will find another nice guy easily or the relationship with him will be great guaranteed. You will have to find other guys and sort them out and approach them and find something that satisfied you and make the relationship last. Hopefully not back to square one.
So, the bottom line for you is to explore more options before you separate from him.

Answer 5

You're right about being married for life. It also says for better or worse and forsaking all others. Your husband has an addictive personality. He is on a fast track to commiting adultery and putting you at risk of contracting an STD.
Sometimes like most addicts they have to hit bottom before they do anything. There has to be tough love and consequences for his actions.
Before you make the decision to divorce him ; perhaps you should just consider seperating. Maybe when he doesn't have you as his safety net anymore he will realize what he is about to lose. If he doesn't then you won't have to feel guilty about divorcing him as you would have done all that you could.

I don't know why you can't talk to your family about this but if it is only a matter of pride and embarassment then that shouldn't stop you if you can get some help with this. Maybe they will let you stay with them until you can get on your feet again.

Answer 6

You have no desire for him, you are repulsed by him, he talks to and has sex on the internet with other woman. How much more do you have to take before you realize he's a complete idiot. Why would you even have to WONDER what to do??? Why would you spend one more minute with him? When you thought you would marry for life - you expected a partner, a friend. He is doing things even though you have told him they make you uncomfortable. I would rather deal with this alone - without family or friends than to be chained to this selfish jerk. It is hard to break up. People do not like to admit they made mistakes but to spend the rest of your life being miserable isn't worth it. Get counseling for yourself because I doubt he will go and find out why you feel you have to stay.

Answer 7

No one can tell you to leave your husband or not!! You re the only one who knows that!! People can only offer there opinions. Here some advice. It sounds like you did your investigation and serious thought about your husband. Love is a commitment and marriage is a commitment for better or for worse. Sometimes people jump into marriage with there emotions and feelings and forget that it is commitment and a decision you have to make to be committed to everyday!! So you have to take inventory and decide what is the best thing for you and him. If you decide to stay you will need to begin to communicate and maybe even see a Marriage Counselor!!! But if you leave don't let anyone guilt you into to staying!! You have to live the rest of your life with your decision so make your own decision!!! Get advice, which is good! But remove feelings and make a decision that you can be committed to!! One way or another you need to spend more time thinking things do !! I believe if you would have really put your husband in the light you need to and made a decision with the facts instead of your feelings you probably would not have married him!

Answer 8

Run away from this toxic relationship NOW. Nothing you can do will change this man's inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour.Divorcing for frivolous reasons is abuse. Divorcing to escape an unendurable situation is survival. No shame in that.
Look after yourself, Sweetheart. When you're unhappy in a marriage and your partner shows no respect, the marriage is already over. You can't make it better but you can make it gone.
Check out your local Social Service department for support and advice. Good Luck, Sweetie. You can do this.

Answer 9

You have to go.

Yes, divorce may not be a pretty option, but will being 70, looking back at a life wasted with someone you obviously don't like, let alone love, be any easier?

It won't be easy at first, but it will be better in the long run. Don't you want to be with someone who is head over heels for you and cares about what you think? I have no idea whether you want children, but it would be a huge mistake to have any with such a marriage as a foundation.

Answer 10

I feel bad for you (even though I do not know you) and for the situation you are in.

You may not opt for divorce for various reasons - family, social pressure, children etc... If such pressures are great and you find yourself in a vice-grip from which you have no way out then ----

you just get into a world of your own. Just shut down with him. Let him do what he wants. No Sex, no conversation. Sleep separate and close your world to him. Even if he goes to jail that is not your problem.