what would be your advice?

Question

if a husband does not love his wife anymore because he wants her to lose weight, he wants her to keep his house very clean. and because he wants her to stop taking care of their children and work.... and the wife is becoming very depressed because she is trying to go to school and get her life together and her husband is really emtionally abusing her.... what would be your advice for her?

Answer 1

Discuss the issue with him and set priorities for yourself with him in agreement. If he is emotionally abusing her, make him aware of it and that she will not tolerate this treatment. His expectations may not be realistic.

Answer 2

Don't let him sabotage your education. Finish what you have started. By doing so you will fast put yourself into a position to take care of you and your children w/o him around to bully you.
Whatever you do. Remember that going to school may take time and sacrifice but the reward will far outweigh that.

As for the weight. She should lose it when she is ready to. He is using it as an excuse to justify his behavior. How much does he weigh? kick him out and you will lose that much instantly.

Also consider the example and message that will be sent if you stop going to school. Your kids will learn to give it up too when things get difficult.

Stop cooking for your husband. Give him a diet of health foods since he is so gun ho about it.

Answer 3

The weight thing i can understand for the reason of your health but that's all. I am 206 and my fiance is 200 and i am madly in love with her but she is losing it because she knows its better for her health not because i am a rude pri*k. About the clean house, that is a must every one should try and be as clean as possible, about the work thing , with the price of living it takes to people working to make ends meet, but with the price of child care one of you will more or less be working for free so tell him that if you have to work instead of taking care of the kids then let him pay for it about the emotional abuse tell him that if it doesn't stop than you will leave because no one should be abused mentaly or physically.

Answer 4

There is a differnece between TRYING and doing, Trying to do something is not good enough to fix a problem.

My advice to her is to get off the couch, turn off the Soap network and take care of the house, herself and her marriage.

If you let yourself go, become fat out, don't work and don't keep up with the house...then what do you do???

My advice:
Start walking a mile everyday.
Vacuum and do the laundry for heaven's sake
Get a part time job so you have something else to do other than eating and watching Oprah.

Good luck

Answer 5

You only have 3 choices.
1. Leave
2. Stay in the relationship and suffer.
3. Stay in the relationship and start communicating with your husband again. If he don't want to talk in person, then write him letters. Sometimes when they see it in black and white it sinks in. Find a friend that you can also talk to. A female would be best if possible. What ever you do don't let him bring you down to his level keep your head up and stay focused on what you need to do for yourself and your children. If it wants the house clean he can help with it.

Answer 6

My advice would be to try counseling first. Then go to the doctor for some help with the depression.
I know first hand what it is like to be put down, and not allowed to follow my dream (school). I eventually left, went to school and got my degree in psychology.
Don't give up. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are, there is a future for you. It won't be easy, you may have to dump your husband (especially if he doesn't love you anyway). But believe me, it's easier to be a single mom, broke, and tired than to be in a loveless marriage. Good luck to you and don't give up on your dreams.

Answer 7

The most important thing she needs to do is be strong. He is jealous and afraid that she is going to do better than him once she finishes her education. She needs to see a doctor and get some anti depresant to function. but she needs to concentrate on finishing her education and taking care of her kids. If nothing is working out she can approach a family court and the looser will end up paying child support and her tution. Tell her to get all the courage she needs and fight. she can loose some wt. that is going to increase her self esteem and improve her health.

Answer 8

She needs to try to get him to go to counseling first. I am affraid she may not get him to do that. He sounds like a jerk. But, she can't leave, becasue he will get her for desertion. If she doesn't have her own source of incame she will need to take him to the cleaners. She may want to talk to a lawyer. I doubt she will convincehim to leave unless he is stupid.

Answer 9

Life is short, if he doesnt agree to counseling you should decide if you want to live the rest of your life unhappy & trying to please him, or to have a greater chance @ happiness after focussing on yourself w/ school etc. minus him. i think the 2nd choice would prevent further stress and heartache. jmo

Answer 10

i think that your husband doesn't understand that you must have your own descisions about your weight and your education!if he loves you i think that he doesn't matter about what you do with your weight or your house or your education.....i think that it's better to ignore him and be freeee....maybe there are men that likes you more than you think......and there are men that understand your problems so....go outside and search them!!!