Since Christmas of 2003 I have not been over at my in laws house due to a matter of differences between my father in law and I. He was rude and out of line calling me a nothing. I am an operations manager in a factory with college, and he is a truck driver. This man has made his way through life being intimidating. he stands at 6 foot 8 inches, and intimidates all.
Well needless to say I wasn't intimidated and stood up to him, nothing physical but very uncomfortable. Since then I haven't showed my face nor spoke with any family member which is making for alot of stress on my wife which is killing me, and her. I know that I need to show him that I will not tolerate him acting this way and that he owes me an appoligy. My wife says that will never happen. Now my mother in law is in the hospital, she is stable and will be back to normal living soon. My wife wants me to visit her, and I refuse. Please help me make a decision on this issue. Thank You
2007-01-31 02:28:23 · 15 answers · asked by bloodhoundgang_69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stubborn family who feels that they must show authority to be feared and respected. That's no dice, my friend.
I applaude you for standing up to him and his attitude. I feel that when you have to do things like that to "Demand" fear and respect, you're a coward yourself as well as insecure in yourself. As for Mom-In-Law, visit her. I'm guessing she likes you, and doesn't share the same ideals as your Father-In-Law. Don't disrespect her by not visiting her. From personal experience, she and I would both agree that she could use all of the support she could to push through her illness. Usually, hospitals are neutral zones. That meaning he SHOULDN'T say or do anything stupid while you guys are there. I do have a question though. Did you wife stand up to him also? If not, she should be able to stand up to him immediately after you did it. I'm sure you stood up for her multiple times, so don't stop doing that. She needs a strong husband and you are that.
2007-01-31 02:43:07 · answer #1 · answered by Andrew B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off go visit her and I do not think you need to get an apology from your father in law. Odds are it will never happen. His profession does not matter why you even posted it is beyond me. People often say things that are uncalled for and best left as water running off your back. Buck up and go see your mother in law and if the father in law is there act as if nothing transpired 3 yrs is an awful long time to play the baby game of "you owe me an apology or I cant be your friend" I couldn't imagine my husband going 3 yrs without showing his face at family functions its disrespectful to your wife and everyone else that was not involved in your childish little spat
By the way and not to make you paranoid. Ive known people that were ready for discharge that have passed away suddenly. For instance my daughter shared an ICU room with a little girl that was sitting up talking to my daughter smiling, playing, eating, even laughing. She was expected to go home the next morning. Around 2am her heart stopped for no apparent reason. So it can happen, it impacted my daughter in a way you'll never understand and the only reason they moved the little girl into the only 2 bed room in the Pedi ICU with my daughter was because she was stable and going home everyone felt that my daughter could use some company. Could you live with your actions and decisions should something like this happen?
2007-01-31 02:35:53 · answer #2 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because you feel your Father-in-law owes you an apology, you ignore the entire family? Grow up, so he pissed you off, so he should apologize? You'll probably never get one, so you going to ignore half your family the rest of your life. Yes, I said YOUR family. You don't have to love the guy, but you don't need to let one incident spoil the relationship you have with your Mother-in-law or any other family member. They will be your children's grandparents! They will be around as long as you are married to your wife. Be the big man and just accept the fact that your Father-in-law is a notch off and go from there. You people are a FAMILY!!! FAMILY FORGIVES EACH OTHER!!! Even if you are in the right, you are the one who has been showing your butt for the last three years! Put peace in your family and go visit your Mother-in-law!
2007-01-31 02:39:54 · answer #3 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very difficult situation however you have placed your wife in an even more difficult situation. I can only assume you met your in laws prior to marrying your wife so I would also assume you knew what kind of man he was. To that end you made a conscience decision to accept this man into your life as family.
At this point, I think it is imperative for your and your father in law to sit down and have a man to man talk. The two of you need to come to some type of common ground so that you can peacefully coexist. Maybe you could set some ground rules that prevents you getting into heated exchanges.
Right now your pride is preventing you from communicating with your father in law. Part of you may feel that attempting to compromise is a sign of weakness, but in reality it is a sign of strength. Anybody can walk away mad and never speak again, but it takes a strong man stick around and work it out.
The truth of the matter is that you need to decide what is more important to you - your wife or this riff between you and your father in law because this riff WILL tear you apart.
2007-01-31 02:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by wonderingwifenga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Visit her in the hospital man. It's time to put away all the differences between the two of you. At least she (the mother-in -law) will know that you are concerned about her health. You have to be a strong man and sometimes over look what people say about you. Trust me on this one man.
2007-01-31 02:53:46 · answer #5 · answered by arthurd_daniel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not feel comfortable going then do not go . And yes your father in law needs to apologize . Your wife should understand this and not force you to do anything you do not want to do . I think maybe your wife lets her father intimidate her as well . Or she is a daddy's girl and needs to grow up . Visit her when she is back home and father in law is not around . good luck to you .Also your wife should insist her father apologize to you . She sounds like a daddys girl . Tell her she needs to grow up.
2007-01-31 02:56:51 · answer #6 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to show you are not intimidated is to go on about your business with your in-laws as if nothing had happened. That includes visiting your mother-in-law in the hospital - you absolutely MUST do that.
For your poor wife's peace of mind, please ignore your father-in-law. let him be the 'big dog' in his house and you be the 'big dog' in yours.
2007-01-31 02:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither are in-laws but her mother is kind of crazy and her father is pretty cool. Both like me though so that's good I guess. I would say I get along better with her father though.
2016-05-23 22:43:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the bigger man. You say this is "killing" your wife...I don't doubt it! Go see your mother in law. Be polite to him. I'm not saying kiss his bum, just be civil.
Your wife will not only appreciate the gesture, but will respect you for it too. A very important part of a good marriage.
2007-01-31 02:38:20 · answer #9 · answered by tiger 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your father-in-law is jealous of your success and justifies it by being a bully.
Go visit your mother-in-law. She's not the one with the personal issues against you.
2007-01-31 02:40:55 · answer #10 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋