We both had affairs. We reconciled. I request that we change our cell numbers and make a commitment to each other to not call old flames and get counciling. Was I wrong to suggest this considering this is what has caused so many problems in our marriage (the friends)? He refused for the umteenth time. Where do we go when the trust is gone?
2007-01-31 02:22:09 · 10 answers · asked by new life abundant 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i have to say when the trust is gone it is pretty difficult to recover almost impossible, almost, and it takes a very long time,but it is possible only if your both willing to let your life be an open book no secrets no friends that aren't "your" friends and after you've talked about it holding nothing back maybe even seek counseling after that agreeing to let the past be the past and then comes the healing process,but trust can never be recovered if you dont look at your life as an open book,and relationships can never heal if the past isn't left there.Good Luck!
2007-01-31 02:37:36 · answer #1 · answered by my space 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are not likely to be many rewards in having a relationship, especially a marriage, if there is not trust. You trust someone when they are trustworthy--it isn't manufactured out of thin air nor does it just come to you. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and unless there is some pretty basic change in attitude, the pattern of affairs is almost certain to continue--in spite of promises and commitments. It wasn't that old flames had your cell phone numbers that caused the affairs--it was something much more basic. If that basic "thing" isn't dealt with, all the commitments, promises, intentions, and thinking won't result in any better chance of no affairs than the past. Counseling for both of you MAY offer a better chance that you can make it work but--it will take work.
2007-01-31 02:38:26 · answer #2 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not wrong to suggest this at all... It will take you time to rebuild your trust in each other and to get past the pain and slowly start to trust each other again... Work on your marriage very hard and let the past be the past and dont keep brining up the past to each other either... Let it die and move on with you marriage and life. Live for today and do not live or focus on the past. I wish you both the best and i pray that God will totally heal your marriage and make it loving and successful once again... Forgive each other and live! You both should seek marriage counseling too.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-01-31 02:31:06 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When the trust is gone, nothing is left. It would probably be best to move on and vow to yourselves that you will not repeat past performances with new relationships. I think staying friends is an acceptable option, but really, if you can't trust one another, it's tile to let it go.
2007-01-31 02:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He just wants to make sure he has some side action in case you start to cheat again. We all know you will cheat again. You'll try to stay away from other men but you wont be able to. You need and yearn to be touched by strange men. They touch you and treat you in a manner your husband doesn't and probably never will. So it is inevitable that you will look outside your marriage again.
I think that's hot btw. I love chicks that have to look beyond their marriage to be satisfied sexually.
2007-01-31 02:34:52 · answer #5 · answered by Submit to her Feet 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i don't think you were wrong in your suggestions, but if he refuses to do these things, which would help strengthen your marriage, then you need to start thinking about what you want. with no trust you will be miserable, and nobody wants to be miserable. your only option is to leave unless he reconsiders your suggestions, and really wants to make a go of this marriage.
2007-01-31 02:36:44 · answer #6 · answered by jdchick48 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he refused to let go of the friends then he is clearly telling you he isn't going to be faithful. You can't make anyone do something they don't want to including love you. You best bet is to move on with your life without him. Unless your swingers it doesn't look like it will work.
2007-01-31 02:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When the trust is gone, so is the marriage.
2007-01-31 02:29:16 · answer #8 · answered by Bridgette B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IT'S OVER. RECOGNIZE THAT FACT.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE HIS NUMBER FOR WHAT REASON? BECAUSE HE WANTS THEM TO CALL HIM. HE'LL STILL CHEAT ON YOU, HE'LL JUST WILL MAKE A BETTER POINT TO NOT GET CAUGHT THIS TIME.
2007-01-31 02:36:06 · answer #9 · answered by sweetbabykitty 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
out the door, so should you
2007-01-31 02:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋