My friend wrote me a letter telling me that he was abused by his dad and luckily his parents divorced 2years ago and that's when it stopped.When I read this,I felt sick to stomach,I feel so sorry for him,what should I do or say??
2007-01-31 02:18:55 · 16 answers · asked by krie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It's very hard to talk about abuse and divorce to a wounded party.
Let him know that even though his dad abused him for whatever reason, he and his mother still love him. Tell him that it is not his fault that he was abused. Tell him also that the divorce is not his fault. Also let him know that you will be there if he needs a shoulder to cry on whenever he needs it. At this point in this young man's life, he needs a friend.
There may have been issues with the dad that he could only express by inflicting pain on him. The worst part is, your friend may not have anything to do with what's going on with his dad's mental state. It could be the job, or another person got under his skin, and his release is to harm your friend. As for the divorce, I feel that it was the best decision the parents could make. To prolong the abuse is inhumane, especially if mom knew about it. To avoid further conflict, I think the divorce is right, especially for your friend. He may not like the fact that his parents are no longer together, but at least he won't be hurt physically again.
2007-01-31 02:31:51 · answer #1 · answered by Andrew B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be his friend. Ask him if he's thought about going to couseling for this. Try to let him know he didn't do anything wrong at all, but he should get some help because if he doesn't, statistics show that victims become perpetrators when help is not sought.
His father has warped his sexuality before he could even mature into understanding sexuality. Ask him to PLEASE talk to his mother, she can help him get the help he needs. If she is too busy (as often single moms are) he should talk to a school therapist and seek help...this is very serious.
2007-01-31 10:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he did is a crime! Morally and legally. The police should be contacted. Unfortunately, his mother may or may not believe him. Some women in this situation actually choose the abusing husband over their own child. Pathetic but true. Your friend will need your love, support and understanding, but professional counselling is also in order here. Abuse is psychologically traumatic.
2007-01-31 10:26:06 · answer #3 · answered by tiger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend that he is not alone, and that it is best for him to talk about this with a counselorwho is trained in dealing with such things. Your friend will need to confront the abusive father if possible, in person or in writing..he deserves to be acknowledged. He may not get an apology, but he will have tried his utmost to deal with the problem...
2007-01-31 10:29:17 · answer #4 · answered by Cassie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he wanted you to know, so he probably wants to know what you think. Make sure he realizes that what happened wasn't his fault.
Then I would just let him know that you're there for him. I don't think hours of discussion will do any good, but just drag up old pain and feelings.
Think about if the roles were reversed. What could a friend say to you to help you out?
2007-01-31 10:23:45 · answer #5 · answered by white.sale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you've always done, be there if he wants to talk. No judging , just open ears and maybe arms too. This type of abuse will leave longtime scares. Remind him that he not just a victim but he a survivor
2007-01-31 10:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by neferititti72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for them if they want to talk about it. They told you because they needed to tell someone and feel that you are their friend and felt safe enough to tell you. Tell them you are sorry for all they went through and just offer to be there.
2007-01-31 10:23:51 · answer #7 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is about what you say but how you listen! In situations like these most people just want someone to listen and to encourage them. Let him know that you are there if he wants to continue to talk!
Best of Luck
2007-01-31 10:28:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i was bout to say nothing its up to your friend, but just thought bout it he told you fro a reason, either he wanted to get it off his chest and that is it, or its starting again, or soemthing....but i would just talk to him bout it, ask what happend y didn't he tell any one, and if it was me if he don't have a really really really good reason for not telling, you should....(only good reason would be money for the family, being poor on the steet with out dad's job ONLY reason) tell his mom, cops, teacher who ever, this man should be in jail, well i would say really needs to ahve his D I C K cut off but that is just me
2007-01-31 10:24:29 · answer #9 · answered by dom_parnell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is be happy that he's not in a bad situation like that. Stay positive and be there when he needs you.
2007-01-31 10:24:56 · answer #10 · answered by Alisha C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋