I got a divorce 3 years ago. I have recently remarried and my new wife has 2 children, this gives us a total of 4. My son lived with me for 2 years and my little girl stayed with me 7 days and then her mother seven days. I pay my child support for both children always on time, even while my son was living with me. Just because I wanted to be able to do for him. He was having a real hard time in school. That was the purpose of him living with me. I had to go out of town several months ago and so his mom had to keep him through the week. During which she was able to through the guilt on him and so when I got back everything was fine until the following Monday after I took him to school I get a call from his mom to let me know he will be moving back in with her since I screwed up her schedule for the week. She punishes me around everyturn. On top of that my new wife has been keeping them when they get off the bus on my days now to keep from being ran over she want anymore. What can I do?
2007-01-31 01:58:42 · 15 answers · asked by not sure 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately when parents divorce usually atleast one of the parents uses the children as pawns which is so totally wrong it only hurts the child in the long run.What you need to do is go through the court system and get some sort of shared custody set up.Continue to love your children unconditionally and always make it clear to them you love them very much and any issues between you & their mom is NOT the fault of the child.Good Luck to you and bless you for being a responsible father.Also when the children get older believe me they form their own opinions and they know which parent acted inappropriately.Don't ever lower yourself to your ex-wife's actions and no matter what don't bad mouth her infront of the children you will be the hero in the end trust me..
2007-01-31 02:19:10 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and the ex need to revisit, what needs to be done to take care of your kids. You may have to change your work schedule in order for this to happen. Children are only young at one point in their little lives and they need their parents there as Dr Phil likes to say as a soft spot in their lives that the can depend on. Concentrate on the happiness and the security of the children and have you and your ex as secondary. It is unfair for your current wife to be brought into this situation, so she should be a support system for you and whatever decision you decide on doing, that way she want be brought in unfairly if something flairs up. Understand that the ex is feeling a certain type of way because you are married and is going through her whatever right now. So you need to concider that also. Above all stay a man and concider all avenues, and think about the job situation, there maybe a way for you to redo your schedule, take a night shift so that you are available all during the day, or if traveling is a part of your job, make it short distance instead of out of town for a week at a time. There are options, the both of you have to come up with what is doable, then you can tell your wife what the decision is.
2007-01-31 02:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've had the same problem though the kids from my first marriage are now well grown up.
Kids are wrongly used as a weapon after an acrimonious divorce and the only way around this is to try and reason with your ex wife.
Lawyers wont help because what is going on is 'behind the scenes'-little digs at you,probably a distortion of the facts as to what caused the breakup and so on.
Talk to her along the lines of what is in your childrens' best interests and also sit down and explain what is going on with your new wife.
You can take control on this without threats or arguments but only if people are prepared to listen.
Stress that under no circumstances is this a points scoring exercise.It is simply to make life as good as possible to those kids and to whom you all owe a debt of love and care.
Good Luck
2007-01-31 02:11:22 · answer #3 · answered by bearbrain 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Document everything. When enough gets to be enough, take it to the Child Services part of the court. Plead your case and let them make a decision. Do not involve an attourny at this point, Judges look down on attournies. They would rather everything be settled out of court.
Just be a good dad, like you have been. When the two children get older, they'll look back on how Mommy behaved and will turn to you for thier parenting needs.
2007-01-31 02:06:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to a divorce counselor, or child services, let them know what is going on. Sounds like she needs help as well(different help). She should be thankful that you are being in thier lives, paying child support and being a good father. Most women around the world can only hope for that. You can try talking to an attorney for advice on what to do as far as custody(legally) but it is always best to settle w/out a lawyer. Judges are known to not like attorneys, and you dont want to look bad. Good luck and god bless you for owning your responsibility of being a father!!!
2007-01-31 02:25:25 · answer #5 · answered by Who Dat Chic!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should definitely go through the court system. get everything settled that way. who lives with who, when and who gets what days of the week who gets what holidays.and i would also ask the judge for a ruling on what the consequences will be if the mother does not give the visitation she is supposed to. (or you if you would happen to get custody) this kind of thing only hurts the children (when one parent holds a grudge and uses it to either retaliate against the other or tries to turn the children against the other parent.)
2007-01-31 02:36:07 · answer #6 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The court will look at your consistancy and what the kids are used to. If you go to court, I bet it will go in your favor and she wont be able to do this to you anymore.. They are supposed to do what is in the best interest of the kids and when the other parent tries mental tactics on the children, that person will be looked at poorly by the court.
Get a lawyer and get your children. Only pay her what the court orders.
2007-01-31 02:21:46 · answer #7 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your ex wife is a bitter woman...and you have to understand that and that is something that she is going to have to work on and also understand that she can not use those children as weapons against you.... those children are going to grow up resenting her and if she does not see it then that is on her....
just continue doing what you do and go through the motions with her...do not argue and let her know that she has the best of you but just deal with it until she grows up and be a woman about the entire situation.
Good Luck!
2007-01-31 02:07:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bit complicated issue !
you mean, your new wife has kids from her first marriage ?
since you married her recently.
do you love your son ?
if so, ask him only, where would he like to stay ?
legally, if she got the custody, you can't keep him. but talk to her once again, and find the way out.
don't confuse the boy.
tell your ex-wife, that decide once for all. meet your son and even daughter regularly, over the week ends.
also give attention to your present step-kids, so she would be happy, too.
2007-01-31 02:14:06 · answer #9 · answered by palador 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
except she's being abusive to her babies there's no longer something you're able to do different than attempt to understand her and why she's so threatened. this could sound loopy to you, yet try getting inclusive of her at some point (only you and her) and communicate very flippantly approximately each and every thing. this might assist you to the two. for the reason which you're non secular additionally, attraction to her softer area. tell her that it could be effective for you the two to sparkling up the mess between the two considered one of you. this is substantial to no longer be judgmental of her. Lead by skill of occasion. i'm hoping you adult adult males can artwork it out to a minimum of save the babies out of it. sturdy success to you.
2016-09-28 05:40:26 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋