what does it mean when a woman tells you she loves you, but she is not in-love with you.?

Question

My wife has stated to me she loves me, but she is not in-love with me.I asked to explain that and she stated she couldnt!!! What does this mean???

Answer 1

ANY time a person makes a statement, and then says "BUT" whatever they say after "But" is what they really mean, they just want to say it in as nicest way possible.............

Answer 2

She thinks you're a 'good' person, and cares about you, but she doesn't feel attracted to you _right now_.

I don't think talking is going to help, in fact, it will probably hurt. If you sit around with your wife and talk about feelings, and why doesn't she give you the love you 'deserve', is that going to make her start feeling sexual sparks for you? Uh ... no.

Think about when you two first got together, when presumeably she _did_ have sexual feelings for you. What's changed? How can you get her excited for you again? Be careful with this though. Lots of people (especially women, who mean well ... ) will urge you to be more helpful, do more for her, be more romantic. You need to be honest with yourself about what is the problem here. While there are plenty of men who have become aloof, not romantic, cold, etc and that's hurting their marriage, there are also plenty of men who have gone the opposite way, trying desparately to please, and become less assertive and attractive to their wives, while making nobody happy. I'd guess that quote 'loves you, but not in love with you' gets more often lobbed at guys who've made themselves doormats then guys who are jerks. Woo your wife, but don't do everything for her. If you've just become an extension of her, why would she find that attractive? Find the man you used to be, and resuscitate him.

Answer 3

It's simple and there are so many that feel as your wife does and live long happy marriages. She loves you as she would a brother, child or father. She cares about your welfare, she worries if your sick or getting enough to eat. Spending time with you, listening to your days events and sharing things with you are important to her. The emotional feelings of desire are not part of her feelings for you. For some women they don't feel desire/lust for any man, this does not mean they don't love them just no romantic attachment for them. While others (I don't approve of but facts are facts) have desires for other men and have affairs, yet claim they love their spouse but can not feel desire for them. It's your feelings that will determine whether to stay or leave, do you want a life with your sister? Can you live without the sexual contact in a marriage? Maybe you should talk to your wife and ask her what she expects you to do when you have the urge to be intimate, do you turn to a mistress? a prostitute? or does she want you to live the life she has chosen, celibate?

Answer 4

Ouch, I am so sorry. I mean, that is a hard realization.

She basically means that she cares for you on a deep level but her whole heart and soul is not in the relationship. Loving and being in love are two totally seperate entities and anyone that says its the same doesn't know the difference.

You two really need to sit down and talk about this. You deserve a complete answer to what she said because your in a marriage and if she is not in love with you, you deserve to be with someone who is.

Answer 5

I just went thru this same thing. It means that you don't completely "do it" for her anymore although she loves you as a person. She's probably having a rough time dealing with this reality but sometimes the love just fades away. You no longer feel affectionate towards that person, don't feel sexual towards them and in general just not happy. It's a hard situation to deal with but it happens. Sometimes its enough for two people to stay together, sometimes you have to just let go.... even knowing you've done all you can to rekindle the fire. Sometimes the fire has just been drowned. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

It means for some reason she is bored with her life right now and is looking. Sit down and have a nice conversation with her and find out how her life is going. It is a posiblilty that she is not getting the attention that she needs from you. It can be anything but you need to make the first move to find out instead of letting her get away from you.

Answer 7

This means that she love and cares for you as a person but that she does not love you as a wife loves her husband. You need to ask her why she feels this way and does not love you as a husband anymore... What has made her fall out of love with you like that? Are you having problems in your marriage and if you are please seek counseling for the marriage before it falls apart


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Answer 8

It means the fire she felt when you got toether is gone, you can love someone like your friend or mom but there is a difference in the type of love we feel for someone who we choose to marry. She is falling out of love with you and that doesn't mean it can't be rekindled, but you need to TALK to her and then listen to what she says carefully. I know men hate talking, so do your best.

Answer 9

She doesn't have romantic love feelings for you. She loves you like she loves her brother and her dog spot. If she can't explain what she means by what she is saying, i am not sure she knows how she truly feels. She is feeding you a line just because she is not interested in the relationship anymore.... is she bored... is there someone else... something is up with her.

Answer 10

Interesting. My wife said this to me about a month and a half ago. We are now estranged because I wasn't feeling too particularly warm and fuzzy about her anymore, either. Basically, it is said to tell the other person they have lost their connection to them. It is an excuse to break up relationships.

Answer 11

Understood. Take heart and don't give up!
This can be looked at in a couple of ways.
One, she DOES love you and wants you to know it, and really does not want to hurt you in any way...the other half of that same coin is, she does not FEEEEEEEEEEEEL "seventeen"
with butterflies in her tummy when you reach for her hand or whisper in her ear like she used to.

Well, be honest!

If THAT IS the definition of the difference....do YOU feel the
same tingly, zippy, zoomy way you did when you first got together with HER????
Do you go around to YOUR buddies with a song in your heart singing her praises all day long, do you glow with anticipation
of getting to see her when you get home from work?

If you do, then I envy you! And if you do,
I hope you can write a book to help the REST of us!
I have heard this from a number of my gal pals, and men friends, and albeit we are now early baby-boomers,
we are even now hearing it from our children's generation!!
Perhaps,
if you were to interview some grand parent age groups, or, not knowing your ages, maybe even great grand parent group!...as in the 80-90 year group and frankly questioned if they always felt the same giddy, springy, fun way from day one to the present, I think they would level with you, as I have done!
Please don't be so quick to take offense at her thoughts and feelings. There are some days I have been so in love, I thought I could burst from my luck! And some rational or irrational think might happen shortly thereafter, and I am ready to skewer his brain and roast it on the barbie!!!
So, there ya go! I'm still here, and so is he, and we have good days and bad ones, yet we hang in there.
Not sure any relationship is perfect, even those made in
Palaces with oodles of money and Diamonds and adulation....look at our Britian's Royal's! They have more than the average share of headaches in Relationships!
Paying the power bill is the least of their worries!!!!

When did we last see Queen Elizabeth LOOK In LOVE with Phillip???

Frankly, the best and most wonderful thing I believe you can do for yourself, and for her, is to be the TOWER of strength and REASSURANCE for her, whether you FEEL like it or not!

I need that more often than I know, and when I don't get it from my man, I have to look for it in other places, be it in the Scriptures, my girlfriends, my elderly aunties, or a day in the park with the Ducks!!!!
Sometimes (often, really) HE does not SEE my wobbly faith and insecurity, and, actually, as a woman, I have many, many of those emotional and unsteady times, yet feel that I MUST CARRY ON, STIFF UPPER LIP AND ALL THAT...BECAUSE
if I DON'T CARRY THE FLAG--WHO WILL???
The maternal mantle of responsibility is HUGE, thanks to Mother Nature, and so we just bear up--but you men can do so much to support us and keep us able if you simply pay us personal attention, show us you care about our efforts, help us make the bed often!
Help us fold the laundry!
Do the dinner dishes WITH us!
Ask us how the day was with no tv on and look into our eyes and really and actively Listen TO THE ANSWER...give us your undivided attention....that is the golden investment that builds TRUST and ABIDING deep relationship--the stuff that makes butterflies memorable, but not nearly so important, come age 90!
Hang in there, ole' cobber, you can do it, I have faith!
Best of luck!