How am I suppose to enjoy my new baby?

Question

How am I suppose to enjoy her, when all I can see is cot death, im so scared to sleep at night incase she dies, im so scared of loving her incase she is taken from me. How am I suppose to get through the next 6 months? Im scared I even eat/bath/dress fast so im not away from her long.

We have never had cot death, illness or baby loss in the family so dont know why this effecting me.

Taken away as in dying.

Answer 1

Its very natural to feel this way. I think the majority of new parents have all or certainly most of the worries you have described (I know I certainly did - you'll be surprised when you see what I work at). You will get there. It is such a big change being responsible for this totally dependent little baby when all you've ever really had to think about is yourself before they come along. All you can really do with respect to cot death is minimise the risk of it happening. Sleep her with her feet at the bottom of her crib, don't let her get too warm or too cold. Ideal room temp for new babies is about 18 degrees C (which is cooler than you think), and when possible use natural fibres for her bedding (ie cotton and wool sheets and blankets as opposed to synthetic and fleece). As a few others have mentioned you might want to invest in a motion sensitive monitor - they are widely available to purchase (Argos, Toys r us, etc) and aren't that much more expensive than the ordinary ones. The other very controversial subject to consider is bedsharing - cot death research strongly recommends that you don't share a bed with your baby at all and also that you don't let them sleep on the sofa/armchair at all (they can over heat and also suffocate by becoming trapped between cushions). I really don't mean to add further to your worries - by telling you this you can make an informed decision about how to sleep your baby. Check out the Foundation for Sudden infant death website at www.fsid.org.uk It has excellent advice and info for parents. Also talk to your health visitor about how you are feeling. She can also
give you advice and support about this too. Take care of yourself and try to enjoy your baby, she will only be small for such a short time.

Answer 2

If you follow the guidelines set down on to prevent cot deaths there is no reason for you to suspect that this going to happen to your new baby. It is very natural to be concerned about your baby and quite rightly so, however you must ry and not let this concern get out of hand as it will relflect not only on your new baby but also yourself and it could be detrimental to health.

I take it the baby sleeps in your room and that you have a monitor so you hear if the baby stirs. Really you know Mums have a built in radar and I think sleep with one ear open and can hear the slightest of sounds.

Get some rest during the day so that you can build up your strength and stop worrying unduly. If this concern gets worse go and speak to your Gp as you may be suffering from Posta natal depression which can be nipped in the budd by the right treatment.

All the best to you and your new baby. Let you family take the strain a bit they will be only too pleased to help out I'msure.

Answer 3

It's quite normal to feel like this when you first have a baby and all the responsibilities that they entail. But you must try not to transfer these feelings onto your baby because the last thing you want is an over anxious baby, and she will pick up on these things. You must try to learn to relax because the next thing you will know, 6 months will have gone by and with all your worrying and fretting you will have missed out on all the wonderful things that happen in the fisrt 6 months of life. Believe me, they grow up so quickly. My daughters are now 10 and 12 years old and looking back on their photographs, I don't know where the time has gone. Speak with friends, your mother or your health visitor and most important of all ENJOY, she won't be a baby for long!!

Answer 4

as parents we all worry about our children even when they grow up but I would suggest that you have a chat with your health visitor or doctor as there maybe some underlying depression there or it could simply be the baby blues. Try and not worry to much, why not leave your baby with your mum for a few hours to give you a chance to have a bath, do some housework or simply sit down, you can arrange for her to call you every hour to let you know how your baby is, just take one step at a time but this will gradually build up your confidence. Aslong as you lay your baby on her back to sleep and make sure she is away from smoke and is kept at a right temperature then she has very little risk of cotdeath, also make sure that her feet are at the bottom of the moses basket, crib or cot to avoid any risk of her slipping down under the covers. Good luck

Answer 5

This is a fear that I think every mother has. I have the same fear and my husband is always telling me to relax, because I check my daughter every 20 mins. The thing that we have to remember is that cot death really is very rare. It is just something that is so tragic, when it does happen, so we are bombarded with safety tips on safe sleep, and rightly so. We can't live our lives fearing the worst, or will not enjoy our time with our babies. Try talking to someone about this, and try to keep it all in perspective. If you are doing everything right the chances are slim to none that your baby will die of cot death. I know what you are going through believe me, but try and enjoy this time with your baby, it won't be long, before you will be wondering where the time went.

Answer 6

I was like this when I brought my new baby son home on 1 December!! I was constantly checking on him, terrifed that some germs or bacteria would get to him or he'd get too hot or cold, I was afraid to sleep in case something happened to him at night, afraid to take him out, afraid to pick him up or put him down unless I'd literally scrubbed and sterilised whatever he was going to lie on. I was convinced our house wasn't clean and safe enough for him and he would be better to stay in the hospital!!! It was a nightmare

It does get better. He's 9 weeks old now and I feel much more confident around him and not so scared all the time. I still worry and make sure to take all the precautions they advise you to take to prevent cot death and do check him a lot but I'm not so obsessive about it and am able to enjoy him.

I love him like nothing on earth but it is scary because you've never loved anything or anyone that much in your life before and it makes you feel very vulnerable.

Its just new mums' nerves and very natural to feel this way. Talk to your doctor or Midwife to put your mind at rest.

Answer 7

I can SOOOOO relate to you...I was exactly the same with my two babies....I panicked constantly that this may happen. I think its partly because cot death is never fair and you sit there thinking what if my baby becomes a statistic. It is a scary prospect so i understand, maybe talk to your health visitor about your fears.....I just wanted you to know you are not alone, and im currently pregnant with my third baby and no doubt i'll be just as concerned this time round too.

Answer 8

This is natural for a mother to feel these things. You have brought a wonderful daughter into the world. This little miracle who is so precious to you that you just feel as if she could be taken away from you. I understand how you feel because I felt the same. My daughter was born 3lb. 5ozs and was in SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit) for 6 weeks. I listened to her breathing all through the night. You must try to learn to relax and enjoy her. Believe me, you will get through the next 6 months and the next 6 years, enjoy her. Don't think of death, just think that you are the luckiest person to have such a wonderful gift. One to treasure and love forever. Best of luck to you and your baby.

Answer 9

Cot death is very very rare and there are certain risk factors - smoking, dirty mattresses, putting the baby down to sleep on its tummy - that you can avoid. We had both our babies' cots next to our bed for the first year too, so we could check on them in the night wihtout getting out of bed. We all have certain anxieties about our kids. All I can say to alleviate that is you'll have less time to worry about it in a few weeks' time when your baby gets a bit more active and you have less time to worry!
Things are sure to get better soon!

Answer 10

relax - just do what the guidance says about minimising the risk of such things.

You will drive yourself crazy. I just had a baby too and I spent the first few days worrying about similar things. Now my worries are that I'll be a victim of a terrorist attack and my baby will not have a father. But these things are just beyond our control and kind of in the hands of god, so I'll just try to focus on enjoying my time with my baby and not worry about the events that probably will never happen

Don't miss out on what should be a really nice time with your baby.

Your fears are probably normal so don't even worry that you are having these thoughts