Need to avoid my sister, how do I explain it to Mom.?

Question

My sister has issues.

She was once commited.
She is abusing my wife (verbally with intense yelling).
She recently attacked her husband and bit him repeatedly.
She once beat up my mom, (I had to rescue her).
I think she is at risk of abusing her children.

Growing up with her gave me serious emotional scars (was driven to a nervouse breakdown when I was about 14). She is currently getting divorced and the drama has brought many of my old feelings and angers to the surface in such a way that I feel for my continued survival I must not see her at all. (not to mention she is really being mean/abusuve to my wife right now)

My mother likes to have her traditional Sunday family dinners.

I used to be able to suck it up and pull these off, but can't now. I have expalined all this to my mom, and she even said she understood, but she keeps bringing them up with her sad puppy dog mom-guilt eyes, "wouldn't it be nice to have a nice family dinner?"

How do I stop the guilt trips

Answer 1

Well this is obviously a tough situation to be in. But my suggestion is, is to simply tell your mother everything u went through and how your sister made u feel growing up. Is your sister bipolar? Because to me it seems like she might be. I do believe that your sister does need hlp because the way she acts is sadly out of her hands and I do think it is all biological and how her brain chemistry works. Instead of pushing your sis away like most people with family emembers that have mental ailments, you should try to help her instead. This should have been done a long time ago and this problem will persist if she doesnt get any help. Just tell your mother everything because this is a way to start over. Yes your sister has caused u a lot of pain but the healing process will only start if u are able to forgive your sis and help her at the samw time. I really hope that helps! :)

Answer 2

I think it is time for an intervention, wow! your sister needs some serious help and i mean that in every sense of the word. i must say though i feel your pain my older sister was a nightmare i hated her im ashamed to say, but i did she was mean and would sit on the couch and make us scrub and scrape every nuk and cranny,i believe i was left with some emotional scars that fortunate for me i have healed from and that's probably because i avoided her like the black plague,so you do whatever it is you need to do,i can say" in her defense" i learned how to keep a really clean spotless house, but she has not been apart of my and my kids life for, well im 30 almost 31 and i moved out of my moms house when i was 19,because my moms house was were the family gaitherd and i couldn't wait to get out,i do see her occasionally now i mean we are still hanging from the same family tree but we never say a word to one another and i have 12 brothers and sisters and im probably speaking for half of them,good luck and stay strong.oh and believe me your mother will understand and is well aware of the situation,two words intervention or avoid, the choice is yours.

Answer 3

I would tell your mom that once your sister decides to act like part of the family then maybe you will come to Sunday dinner.

Why don't you have your own family Sunday dinner and invite those that you want there (probably everyone but your sister!).

Answer 4

maybe you could talk to your mother and suggest a compromise....tell her how right now you cannot for your health and the health and safety of your family be around your sister.....but that you would love to have sunday dinners.....maybe you could have your mother over to your home every other sunday.....or go there every other sunday when your sister won't be there........maybe together with your mom you can even come up with something completely different that works better ....it sounds like your sister needs serious help.....but she has to decide to do that for herself.....my other concern though is for her children.....please do not ignore the risk she may pose to them......

Answer 5

I would just tell her to stop trying to make you feel guilty. That you love her and wish you could do the Sunday dinners, but that you can't be around your sister. Tell her you will no longer tolerate the abuse your sister seems fit to dole out. And for your own (and also your wife's) well being just can't be around her. I would also tell her to please stop bringing it up, because it's never going to happen.
Can have your mom at your house for dinner sometimes?

Answer 6

If she is being abusive to those children, don't let it go on anymore! This is a ongoing problem in America, more children end up dead that way! Report it! For you, tell your mother for the sake of your sanity and for the safety of your wife, you will not be attending! Also. tell her that you love her and she needs not to invite your sister for her safety as well! Then, you and your wife will be able to attend.

Answer 7

tell your mother how you feel and about how its affecting the family. its obvious that your sister doesnt care about how shes hurting you all and if you keep letting her go this way she will eventually take over the family and feel that since no one is challenging her she's gonna do what she wants...dont put the weight of telling it to her on your mother...i mean no mother wants to push their child away...on the next sunday dinner dont invite her... use that dinner to discuss with your family how to tell your sister about herself...anf if she comes to the next sunday dinner tell her about herself...sometimes its good to give someone a little tough love...

Answer 8

Talk to your mom openly and honestly. Tell her you would love to have a family dinner but from here on out it will be separately, her family (sis) and then your family, you will alternate sundays.
Remember no one can make you feel guilty unless you give them your permission.

L.

Answer 9

Your sister is someone that you should difinitly stay away from , she is sick person (I am sorry) , but she cannot control you any more and threat you and your children, your mum must get it, change the Sunday dinner to a Saturday one .. maybe ..

Answer 10

You can tell your mother that after you sister seeks the professional help that she so needs you will be able to have a family dinner again.

Now to you sister you need to tell her that you need to sistance yourself from her until she gets the help she needs