how can I spice up my relationship?I have been with a man for 7 years and our entire relationship we both abused drugs.. except the last 5months now we have nothing really to say to each other anymore..and the sexual attraction seems to be gone also..I dont know how to make him desire again! I still love him and it really hurts my feelings to think that I might not really know him like I thought .. thanks
2007-01-31 01:10:18 · 7 answers · asked by renja27 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
"If you have it, you don't need it. If you need it, you don't have it. If you have it you need more of it. If you have more of it, you don't need less of it. You need it to get it. And you certainly need it to get more of it. But if you all ready don't have any of it to begin with you can't get any of it to get started which means you really have no idea how to get it in the first place do you? You can share it sure. You can even stock pile it if you like. But you can't fake it. Wanting it, needing it, wishing for it. The Point is if you never had any of it, ever. People just seem to know."
2007-01-31 01:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by MЯ BAIT™ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Tough spot you're in. You've accomplished so much by getting off drugs, and now you are seeing some of the cons, for lack of a better word, of being clean and sober.
It sounds as if you, while you were on drugs, loved this man as long as he was on drugs. Now, you are two completly different people than you were a year ago. Here's what I'd suggest: Date. That's right. You two need to act like you just met (because really that's true) and you need to spend some time together and find out if you really even like each other as your new selves. I hate to say it, it you may come to learn that you don't really like this guy and maybe he doesn't like you either--I'm talking about liking the sober you and the sober him.
Whatever you do---don't go back to drugs to make your relationship work. It's not worth it. Try getting to know each other as the people you are now becasue these are the people you want to be for the rest of your lives. If it doesn't work out, than that's gonna be tough and your goning to need a good support system to get you through the break up if that's what it comes to.
Sit him down and explain that you two don't really even know each other becasue the past 7 years have been clouded by the drugs and tell him that you want to start from day 1 and that you'd like for him to take you to dinner Saturday night at 7 so you can get to know each other. Meanwhile, be thinking of things that you can discuss over dinner---simple things like the weather, your job, his job, etc.....
Take your time and see what happens. You may find out that you do like the sober him and vice versa. If not, then you'll need to find a healthy way to end the relationship. Start slow and don't put too much pressure on yourself at this point.
You're off to a great start just recongzing that there is a problem and so cheers to your for kicking drugs and for wanting to try to see what the future holds for you two. Best of luck to you!
2007-01-31 02:17:19 · answer #2 · answered by kathylouisehall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard of the seven year itch? It is just a 'cutesy' way of saying that most people get tired of each other after that amount of time together. You could waste precious time trying tricks to regain his interest, but the bottom line is life is too short to waste on something that is dead, over.
Do yourself (and him) a favor and end the relationship before it gets ugly and both of you are left with broken hearts and resentment toward each other. I am speaking from experience.
For some reason we all want to 'fix' a doomed relationship, and that is just crazy!!! Don't waste anymore of your love, your life, your time on something you both know is OVER.
The sooner you break it off with him, the sooner you will get back to being the happy wonderful person you really are. He is making you miserable and vice versa. It's like beating a dead horse.
I truly hope you take my advice. Here's a tip for you:
Don't keep dwelling on this. The mind wants to think about it and figure it from all angles - this just causes more agony. Why?
Because the heart knows it is over, the love is gone.
Good luck to you and may God bless you and give you this sound advice straight to your heart.
Jane
2007-01-31 01:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your relationship was founded and fed with drugs. Now you are two different people, look at it like getting to know him all over again, plan a date, go out to dinner or something and maybe start all over again as the new people you are!
2007-01-31 01:38:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how much property and/or money is involved in settling up between you. But it sounds like you need to separate and start both of your lives over. It is sad, but some major decisions in life are painful. Congratulations on Kicking Drugs!!
Good Luck!! @8-)
2007-01-31 01:37:45 · answer #5 · answered by Dovey 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go on a short holiday without him, maybe with friends, and see how things are when you get back. Consider attending counselling sessions together at some stage.
2007-01-31 02:06:20 · answer #6 · answered by CLICKHEREx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...a tough one. have you tried sitting down and asking him now that the drugs are gone where do we go from here because you still love him...ask him if he still loves you...and if the love is there, just keep working on the relationship.
good luck and way to go on the getting off the drugs...way cool!
be cool...
2007-01-31 01:39:27 · answer #7 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋