how can I spice up my relationship?I have been with a man for 7 years and our entire relationship we both abused drugs.. except the last 5months now we have nothing really to say to each other anymore..and the sexual attraction seems to be gone also..I dont know how to make him desire again! I still love him and it really hurts my feelings to think that I might not really know him like I thought .. thanks
2007-01-31 00:59:52 · 10 answers · asked by renja27 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
First of all, get clean and stay clean. That is most important. If this guy is part of your addiction problem, let him go. You cannot make him desire you. Especially when he may have desired drugs more than you for most of this relationship. Save your life and trust me your feelings will heal.
2007-01-31 01:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
By what you have said, I can only gather that perhaps now that your body is without drugs, you and your partner see things differently, and I can only assume that your whole structure is going through a major change. The only suggestion I can make is....talk to him about how you are feeling, look for the things in each other that drew you together in the first place. One step at a time....suggest one night a week for a "date" to start finding the "new" person free from drugs. How about making up a game...with question cards, think of a few things that will get him to open up more, and explore new thoughts with each other. The answers you both give may start a fresh communication between you. If all else fails...remember when one door closes...then another one opens. This could be a new beginning and a new life for you with a whole lot of possibilities with someone else. Be proud of your acheivement, I'm sure it wasnt easy. Good Luck
2007-01-31 01:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by koukla 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations! You have both obviously worked very hard to get yourselves clean.
Now is the time to start a new life together. Work at finding common interests. Go on dates. But most of all communicate!! It is the only way for the two of you to create a bond that has not been contaminated with drugs.
Deep down he is still the same person you fell in love with, but before you go psycho analyzing him should you take a look in the mirror and see if you have done some changing as well?
Here is the title of a book that could be beneficial to both of you.
" Women Who Love Too Much" It is not the average self help book it is a quick yet informative read that can give you much insight.
Good Luck!
2007-01-31 01:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by flawolfchild 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems that the one common thing you shared through these years was drugs. Now that you are clear, reality faces you. Maybe you are right that you do not know each other for real. So, this time is challenging. Try to "discover" each other. Put some effort to get to know each other, your real, your true selves.
It is a very good thing you are through with drugs, so make a new start. Show your love and affection, help him to open up, find common interests.
Consider that the relationship starts fresh and give it a try.
Good luck
2007-01-31 01:16:35 · answer #4 · answered by Alice in Wonderbra 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I have known far too many couples whose entire relationship was based on abusive substances. I actually met my girlfriend of three years in a bar while her father was in a hospital.
It seems often easier to stay with someone who has problems because at least you have something to talk about. When interest fades, it often falls to one or the other to rekindle the relationship. If your whole relationship was an exercise in predictability and now that is gone, then consider doing something unpredictable. Buy flowers, get a board game, go out to a concert performed by somebody neither of you have heard of before.
There is no sure-fire to rekindle a seven year relationship but it can still evolve.
2007-01-31 01:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by MЯ BAIT™ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Poor you (hugs) You may be experiencing the awful truth of finally cleaning up your act. The first "reward" for doing the right thing will be the terrible loss of something. Gee thanks. But that's it - if your relationship had drugs as an ingredient, then that was a part of the recipe. Take out an element of the recipe, and the dish doesn't work anymore, sometimes. You may have to pay the terrible price of losing this relationship if you are going to move on from using drugs. It seems terribly unfair that we get loss as a reward for doing something right, but it is so.
Courage,
and best wishes.
2007-01-31 01:18:42 · answer #6 · answered by All hat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People change a lot in 7 years. You can't expect to be the same person and neither can your bf. Try starting the relationship over. Get to know each other, date, do the typical things people do. You learn to love them in a new way, while knowing and appreciating how far they have come. As long as you are drug free, your relationship will be different. You can't keep the same relationship in different circumstances. You have to change and evolve your relationship as your lives change.
2007-01-31 01:19:47 · answer #7 · answered by lovelyncurvy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi
Well, you and your man have been through a lot lately and I know its tough right now but in order to get through this you need to work together and help build up your building blocks.Talk to each other and express to each other how you feel and hopefully it well get better.If it doesn't contact me on :yvesdjuma28@yahoo.com
2007-01-31 01:21:20 · answer #8 · answered by Yves 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can try to wear some exotic sleep wear, before going to bed, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, do some 'role' playing...
2007-01-31 01:20:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question in your last sentance.
2007-01-31 01:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by Israel-1 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋