I am 22 years old and 6 months pregnant . I have been with the same man for over 6 years but I cant stand it anymore. I love him but I dont feel like I am in love with him. All we do is fight ( for the past 3 yrs) and scream. He is 44 years old I met him when I was 15 and it was all great then but I feel like I have grown up . I am so scared to be on my own . Then to top it off I will be a single mom . What do i do ? Stay or go ?
2007-01-31 00:59:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was 37 when we got togather and is now 44. He is an exsesive drinker. He never hits me just makes me feel like i cant do any better.
2007-01-31 01:58:24 · update #1
If you aren't married, I would take the steps to get out and make a strong and healthy foundation for you and your child. I know it will and may be hard to begin with , but you could get assistance from your county until your well on your feet. Your first priority shoudl be the child,since the man has his own sets of priorities that don't really involve you. He seems kinda selfish. The drinking will be awful for your child to have to grow up in. I know from experience. The fighting, shouting, screaming, drinking. It was very tramatizing as a child to me. I had to deal with it many years before my mom finally left. That was cause my father had an affair. I also like you am with someone older than me. Though age isn't as much as of an issue as the maturity level. My husband is 12yrs older than me. I was 14 when he was 26 so I can sympathesize with your situation, but I am happy, and like I said it has nothing to do with age, but the man your living with needs to show levels of maturity and priorities. For now you need to do what you can to establish a strong, healthy and stress free environment for your child. Goodluck dear!
2007-01-31 02:04:57 · answer #1 · answered by Shannon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you can decide wether to stay or go... i would say however, that with a baby on the way it is a big big decission...
look at the whole situation, it could well be the pregnancy hormones making you feel this way, they do funny things to a womans body!! but you say you have been fighting for 3 yrs, yet you have made ababy together in the last 6 months.
you have been with this man since you were still a child and as you say you are growing up now, and possibly the age gap between you two make you want very different things in your lives.. take a step back from it, try to talk about the problems in the relationship and the arguments you have, see if you can come to some compromises, then give it a month or so where you try your very best at making this relationship work, then at least if you still feel like you do now at the end of it you can say you tried everythign in your power to make it good and it didnt work... i hope for you and for your baby you can get through this and find a happy medium where you can all be a happy family, if not however you do face the prospect of being a single mum, and as long as you put your child first and always do whats best for your child, you will be ok.... i am, and yes sure there are tough times when you just wish for some back up, but you learn and you adapt, and most of all you cope...
good luck with everything xx
2007-01-31 09:20:39 · answer #2 · answered by merrpet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a hard decision, one that shouldn't be taken lightly, as I am sure you know.
I used to say that the age difference thing didn't matter, but really it does.
I married a man 17 years older than me, we had a baby, and he died 6 months later. I was heartbroken, why did I marry someone that old? why?
Well, you think I would have learned my lesson, I started dating a guy a few years ago, 23 years older than me.
Everythinkg was great, as you said also.
but then the age difference thing came into play. See I'm 29 years old, I still want to do fun things, i like to walk in the park, I like to goto amusment parks, just 'younger' people things.And his legs couldn't take that, so we ended up watching tv all the time.
His lifestyle and mine clashed, we worked through it. Untill a month ago, when we dicided that it was over.
People change, as you said 'grow up' what you thought was right for you when you were 15-19 years old became ,not the right thing for the 22 year old.
I am a single mom, I do it on my own. I became one, because of circumstances, not choise. But I am ok.
My family backs me up. That's all you need.
Don't rush into anything, maybe talk to him about how you are feeling, maybe he would be releived (crazier things have happened) he might want out as well.
Remain friendly if you can't work it out, the last thing you need is to fight over a baby, they are the blessings that make our lives complete.
good luck in whatever you choose to do.
2007-01-31 09:27:15 · answer #3 · answered by lil' angel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be scared, be strong for your child. Many women out there are single Moms and while it is very hard, you can do it. Better to be on your own than in a potentially abusive relationship. Think about what's best for you and your child. Growing up with an alcoholic father isn't a great life. When you wake up one day and know that you can't live like this anymore, it's time to go.
2007-01-31 10:10:20 · answer #4 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's quite an age difference. Maybe you should seek counseling and try and figure out why and what you're fighting about.
I'm sure you have grown up and sounds like you've missed out on a lot of important years in your life and I think you realize that that's what you're missing.
If it comes to a seperation, you shouldn't be scared about being on your own and raising a child. Women do it all the time and they find ways to make ends meet and make their children as comfortable as possible.
I married and divorced an excessive drinker. Although he doesn't hit you, the verbal abuse is just as bad. The next day when he's sober he says he's sorry right. I know how that goes.
If he makes you feel inferior and degrades you, then you need to move on. For you and your baby's sake.
2007-01-31 09:17:48 · answer #5 · answered by Nunya 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You sweet sweet dear if is a child molester you were a child when you got invold with him. Please do not take this the wrong way but you need to leave, you are very young there are plenty of men that would love to have you and your child.
But it is up to you,
If you really loved him you would not be asking this question here today the answer is simple it is the action you take that is difficult.
Make you discidion wisely the first on has not been so very good for you.
Stay and you will be unhappy and so will the child,if this man was 444 when you hooked up that means he is 50 years old dear you can do so much better.
2007-01-31 09:36:45 · answer #6 · answered by Tom Sawyer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor baby, this creep was dating you when you were 15, and he was 39. He robbed you of what should have been the best years of your life. I think you know that this isn't going to last. Eventually, you are going to meet someone that will make you regret what he has done to you, being taking away your innocence and tying you down so you never get to be carefree and happy like most people your age. Having a baby isn't the end of the world, but it is a big responsibility, just try not to let matters get any worse, you have an obligation to your baby, but not to him. He owes you, bigtime. He should be in jail. How disgusting.
2007-01-31 09:31:40 · answer #7 · answered by barbara b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could just be argueong because your pregant.. hormones act up alot when your pregant... but if you have been arguing for 3 years then you should have left along time ago. I also think he is way to old for you so of course its going to be hard... I know leavinghim will be hard because you will be a single parent but you are still young you will meet someone else... You are just going to have to work hard to care for your child and love the child but once you sucessed in what you have accoplished by being a single parent you will be more happier and more proud of yourself then you ever been and I am sure you have family and friend support!
2007-01-31 09:13:12 · answer #8 · answered by The H 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing is for you to be HAPPY and bringing up this CHILD IN A HEALTHY HAPPY ENVIRONMENT. Fighting with this man wouldn't be a good environment for the baby. I would definately go, I know it wouldn't be easy. But, I wouldn't be scared to be on your own. Soon, you'll have your little one to look after and I wouldn't count on being alone, then. Do you have a relative or a friend you can go to or to help you through this??? Also, you should get child support.
I hope this helps you?
2007-01-31 09:19:15 · answer #9 · answered by ********* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already know that it's time for you to go, so just do it. Many women are single moms, and while it can be difficult, it's far better than to raise your child in your current environment. You can do it, and do it well. Best of luck!
2007-01-31 09:19:21 · answer #10 · answered by grandm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋