For Women - Should I be upset about this behavior?

Question

When we lived in NY, my husband worked in an office. There was a really pretty receptionist there and he would flirt with her and talk to her all the time and he even lied to me about hanging out with her during lunch (away from work). He was also friends with another girl there and it really upset me. Now that we are in FL, I found out that he is writing to the other girl several times a day (over email). He asked me if he could write her and say "hello" and I told him that was fine. Then I found out that he 'talks' to her more during the day than he talks to me. In my mind I am wondering how many other women he is talking to throughout the day (over email and on the phone). Especially if he is talking to the receptionist from his old job who still works there with the girl I know he talks to. Is it wrong for me to be upset that he is talking to this girl so much? Should I ask him about the receptionist? I am worried he will lie to save my feelings, but I don't want to snoop.

Just some addition - my husband has already lied to me TWICE about this situation. Once about hanging out with this other woman and then again about how much he was writing his "friend" on a daily basis. He told me he was going to wrtie once and say "hello" and he writes her more than he writes me. And NO, I don't have male friends besides my husband that I put above him or lie to him about. I have co-workers that I speak to, yes, but that is it. No emailing, no hanging out at lunch, no lies.

Answer 1

you are the WIFE and you have EVERY reason to be upset. he's taking advantage of the fact that you want to trust him. there's no reason for him to have all these female friends. you should be his best/only female friend. and to add insult to injury, he's neglecting your relationship. you should be number one. pay attention to your female intuition because we know what's going on even without proof. so ask him to stop communicating with these women. if he has a problem with that then you have your answer. he's probably doing more than sending emails. sounds to me like he's cheating. sorry, but i've been there, done that.

Answer 2

I would ask him to stop communicating with the receptionist. Chances are if you are already suspicious then you will remain that way no matter what his explanation of his relationship with her is. I honestly believe that a married person (male or female) should not hold friendships that make their partner insecure or uncomfortable. And, no friendship should be given more time, effort or thought than the marriage. The two of you might also consider putting some time in to your relationship to rebuild your own love and trust in one another. Good Luck Honey.

Answer 3

Sounds to me like he may have had feelings or possibly more for this woman/women. Why else would he still want to contact them after moving across the country? I would be very upset, especially if it is several times a day. Ask him about it and be calm when you do it, just tell him that you want to know the truth. I know that doesn't always work, but it would be worth a try.

Answer 4

Yes, you have every right to be upset about his behavior. He's already lied to you once, so what's to stop him from doing that again? He is behaving extremely inappropriately and you need to do something about it before it escalates into in-person meetings and really gets out of control. If he's not willing to stop associating with these women, then you'll have to think long and hard about what your next move will be.

I'd definitely confront him ASAP and if he lies to you, then call him on it. Lying and cheating is not something you have to put up with!

Answer 5

yes you should be upset over this . sit him down and let him know how you feel about this . He should not be talking to this girl in the first place he is your husband and he should respect your wishes . If he comes off as getting upset about it then there is something else going on here and I would check it out . I mean honestly he should know better . And he should care if it upsets you . my hubby did this once and only once because he knew that if it continued he would loose me . so if he is willing to keep this behavior up then he is willing to loose you . Make it very clear that this is unacceptable behavior and you will not tolerate it . good luck .

Answer 6

I think you need to try to establish whether this is a friendship he is having or is it more. Does he hide the emails from you, or is he being sneaky about it. That would raise a concern for me, has he ever given you any reason to suspect him? Sit down and talk to him about it, tell him how you feel. I could very well be innocent and she could be just a friend.

Answer 7

OK, I'm a man, but I have to say, I always find this kind of question ironic. How many women complain that their man is too controlling and won't let them talk to other men? And here you all are, complaining about him talking to another woman!

OK, I don't think he should have lied to you about it, but on the same note, I don't think you should be the kind of wife who needs to be lied to about it. You should accept the fact that, in today's world, your husband is going to interact with members of the opposite gender. Sometimes, they'll be in the workplace. Sometimes friendships develop in the workplace. Be the kind of wife he can be honest with about that kind of thing when it happens. The best thing my wife ever did in guarenteeing that I don't lie to her is being able to handle the truth when I tell her.

Also, keep in mind that what's good for the goose is good for the gander: if he can't talk to other women casually, you can't talk to other men casually. Non-negotiable. If you're going to make a rule, you first have to be willing to live by the rule.

Answer 8

Of course you're not wrong to be upset. I'd wonder what the heck is going on with these relationships he's got with other women. How do you think he would act if you did this with other men?? I'll bet he wouldn't like it at all. I would be really suspicious of what's going on here. I think it's time for you to get to the bottom of this. I would wonder if he's having an affair with one of them. Good luck

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with a married man having female friends. It doesnt sound like he is doing anything wrong, and you also dont have any proof, so i wouldnt get upset about it until you have reason to be suspicious. You can talk to him about your feelings, what ever his answer is, whether you believe him or not, you have to trust in what he says, until he gives you reason not to believe him. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Ok sounds like there is a bit more going on, not that he is cheating or ever has, but he obiously has a deeper connection to this woman. I would sit him down and tell him how you feel, you told him it was alright to say hello but not to talk to her on a continuous basis, especially more then his own wife.