Frustrated at housemate's laziness. Starting to feel taken advantage of. How do i approach this situation?

Question

Don't want to cause conflict, just want them to pitch in every so often. Can't recall when one of them did the washing up properly without just running a dirty fork under the tap. I am so annoyed at them it's making me anxious when i hoover etc as i know it will only be a mess within the hour again. Help.

Answer 1

Hi Jo Jo,

I also have the same problem and live in a shared house where no one cleans up after their mess. They leave plates, cutelrey, cups and surfaces so dirty and I used to be the one to clean after them but no longer do it now because they seem to take it for granted.

I am a clean person like you and respect others who do clean up after themsleves but very few people do. I have nine people I share with and they are al nice enough people, but they can be very lazy and very dirty and they are all mature enough to do something about it but they don't.

There are several things you can do and here they are:

Stop cleaning up their mess as well as your own as sooner or later they will have to deal with their own mess and if you clean after them, this tells them that it is okay for them to leave a mess because you are there to clean it up. Don't allow them to treat you as their servant and for them to take responsibility. Leave their stuff to pile up and let the landlord know if it is really bad and dirty all of the time. Put up notes saying that the kitchen is dirty and you would appreciate it if people could clean up.

I just don't do anything for them now and cook/make my food around the mess and leave their stuff the way it is and never attempt to clean the surfaces down as they just mess it all back up again. But they do wash up now even though they will leave diry plates by the sink still. You have to stop being so kind to them and let them know that you have had enough and the way you do this is to just stop cleaning their mess.

I think being direct with them will not help you at all, Just leaving their stuff to pile up is enough and leaving a message on the kitchen wall asking them to please tidy after kitchen after use. If the mess doesn't go away after one week, then call the landlord and tell them what is happening and what can they do about it? - if it is making his tennants unhappy then he should do something about it. He might write the tennants a letter or have a house meeting if they just refuse to co-operate. Drawing up a roster might help and who gets to do what job on what day, but then that isn't going to change the way they wash up.

I would try and look for a cleaner house share if you can and if you don't feel that these solutions are going to change or improve your situation. It is really tough I know and I do feel for you so much. If you can be out as much as you can that might help but then no one should force you to be doing that. Talking to the house mates might help but it sounds as if they don't really care and they may end up bullying you by laughing at you or making fun of you etc.

You just have to somehow stop the cleaning up after them and to write a message or notice just reminding them that this is a shared house and that they need to clean up so that others can use the kitchen also. I really think that this is the better option and will give them a chance to make ammends. I would leave the hoovering and only do it when the house is clean and does not make you anxious. Why should their mess effect you? - don't let it and by just not doing anything. If they say anything then tell the truth.

They do not appreciate what you are doing for them and so if this is the attitude, just leave them to clean their own mess up and only do what you feel happy to do when it is reasonabley clean. Buy your own knives and forks and keep them in your room or cupboard like I do and that way you can leave them to eat off dirty forks and just clean your own.

You can only approach this situation in a way that you feel able to and I think nothing too direct will be the best solution at first and then to informing the landlord if it gets any worse or the problem is not getting resolves.

I wish you so much luck but it won't always be this way even though I know it feels like that. Just don't clean their mess as well as your own even if that means a dirty kitchen.

Answer 2

I so understand your problem, my family is the same way.. I tell them over and over clean up after your nasty self and I'll be ignore all the time... the only thing i can tell you is to find your self new roomates or move on your own because is going to get worst and I totally understand that is very uncomfortable and embarrasing to live in a messy place how about if someone vistis or something... you should tell them that, you guys have to pitch in more with the cleaning, part of living together is that everyone in the home feel comfortable with the people they live with and make clear you tell them, i have a problem living like a pig.. so if you guys cant get your shittt together we cant live together anymore.. good luck.

Answer 3

I genuinely desire that your gf can see the wear she brought about with you and her with those unlady like strikes. you have a right to be offended on account which you're human. even nonetheless, you have been separated on the time so there's a stability there of what you're able to do approximately it! you're able to inform her how this affected you. you besides mght could confirm (at the same time) what's extra significant to you the two, a bad determination interior the previous or some stable judgements to you the two now. you will could enable her understand that your have confidence limitations have been crossed and which you will not post with this sort of habit interior the destiny. Getting under the impact of alcohol is genuinely no excuse for this sort of habit - in case you may not administration your self on an identical time as eating then you definately desire not do it. the two considered one of you desire convenience now, from one yet another. A courting is supply and take so which you're able to enable her understand that on an identical time as you're comforting her you additionally are taking convenience that she is with you to acquire it. After a stable hearty communicate of honesty together with her you 2 could be waiting to flow on. Get all of it out interior the open now, hash it out as much as you're able to and then flow on. this might heal the rift and improve your courting interior the long-term. I desire you the two the ideal and understand which you will hear on your head and then your heart. the comparable as she could, under the impact of alcohol or sober!

Answer 4

You just have to say, "Do you think you could do the dishes tonight?" Or if you do them cleaning and someone comes behind you and messes it up, just nicely say, "I just cleaned up, would you mind doing your share too?" It's hard to be direct, I know because you don't want to start any fights, however, you all live there so you all need to do your share. The trick that doesn't work, is refussing to clean until they do, Because they won't, and it will get outta control and YOU will end up doing it, which will make you frustrated all to hell because you'll be cleaning up an even worst mess....so, just nicely say something...good luck, living with others has it's downside....I know....

Answer 5

It's tough! Could you talk to them about setting up a rota so everyone knows what they are supposed to do?

The other thing to do is just get your own stuff and keep it separate - wash up yr stuff after ea meal and let them get food poisoning from their sloppy habits! Clean your own room and just live with the dirt elsewhere. Clean the bath before you take a bath and not afterwards.

Answer 6

dont do any thing he wants you to do