I am just wondering how it feels to be suckered in to pay for and take care of another man's offspring?
2007-01-30 22:43:42 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not all single mothers are looking for someone to take care of their kids for them. (though I've known of a few) When my husband and I started dating I had a 15 month old. I told him from the beginning that my son and I were a package deal but that I wouldn't ask him for anything or expect him to do anything financially for either of us. There were times I was really struggling and he offered but I never even once took anything from him. Now that we're married and have a second child together I stay home and he takes care of all the bills and does it knowing that I'm not just leeching off of him. He also adopted my son and does not think of him as some other man's offspring.
I'd have to say that in the future if you have problems dealing with someone else's kids then maybe you should stick with women who don't have any yet.
2007-01-30 23:55:25 · answer #1 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once one of those single mothers' Never once did I ask for someone I was dating to pay for my children or their care or upkeep. Men that dated me did not have contact with my children nor were they allowed to stay over night---
My X was never involved in their lives so when I finally married again--my new husband took over the role as the DADDY man figure. My children at the time were 2 and 6 years old. These same children are now 27 and 31 ---the relationship they have with their father my X is more or Friends--not a father son type relationship.
The man that helped raise them is long gone now and we're also divorced---To this day since my divorce was final they have had No contact with him and neither have I
2007-01-30 22:54:57 · answer #2 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really understand your question. Do you mean that you met a woman married her and then found out she has a child. Or do you mean that you knew when you married her that she had a child living with her and the dead beat father won't be a man and take care of his child? If you are not married then you have no obligations. Or do you mean that a child needs love and financial support to become a productive member of society rather than an uneducated resident of our criminal justice system which feeds and houses them on my tax dollars. I think from the above you can deduce what I think. My question for you is if you don't care for the child who will?
On the other side. if you are one of the unfortunate guys that had a judge make you pay child support as part of a divorce decree and later found out that the child isn't yours but you still have to pay; then that sucks. They should find the father and make him pay child support and reimburse you for all had to pay. The child still needs your love and support especially if you have been around for a while. This is about a child not an adult.
2007-01-30 23:36:26 · answer #3 · answered by George B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's weird dating a single mom since I have No Kids ( but I'm great with Kids lots of nephews and neices), but once I knew I loved her it was easier. The hardest and easiest thing is finding out can you handle dating a single mom knowing that the kid & mom's feelings and situation has to be acommendated first.
LOTS of scheduleing.
I LOVED HER and I never felt suckered; In fact, I always felt like I was there for her not the kid, but I do believe if you can't love the kid then you shouldn't bother.
It's family that you are trying to be a part of with them and it's family without you.
P.S. If you feel suckered, then either the MOM or you probably was based on situation.
2007-01-30 23:23:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having done this before, it really sucks, as soon as we were married i was paying all the bills, to and including day care, health insurance and such, while she took the monthly child-support and her paychecks and would go out and do the bar scene thing, i quickly became the nighttime babysitter while she was out and about with her friends.
When i mentioned how this behavior didn't set well with me, she got angry and said she needed a break from all the kid crap. Told me if i wanted her in her life i'd need to give her this.
I put up with it for 6 months and finally when she arrived home one evening I'd spent the day packing my stuff up and had moved out to another apartment. I handed her divorce papers and walked out the door.
She called me for days saying i was being a fool, and said she wouldn't hire an attorney cause i'd come crawling back in less than a month.
She didn't file an answer to the divorce papers, didn't even go to court hearing and the judge granted the divorce.
Single mothers who are like this are single for a reason and ought to be made to stay that way.
This happened to me 11 years ago and she's still mad at me.
2007-01-30 22:58:36 · answer #5 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If a man doesn't want to take care of another man's child then he should stay away from single moms. Financially there should be child support from the birthfather and that shouldn't be an issue. No one can be "suckered" into anything they don't want to do.
2007-01-30 22:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you married this women, and you really cared about her and her child and you were wiling to help raise him then good for you.
However if you realized later that she only married you so you can help her, and she did not really love you then I feel badly for you.
Before you do anything rash, as their is a childs feelings to consider here, I would try and work things out if at all possible.
Otherwise a loveless home is worse for the child.
2007-01-30 22:54:33 · answer #7 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a biological father, who produced me. However, I never even met him until I was 16 years old. My mom married another man when I was 10, I am now 40 years old.
My step dad is my dad in my heart. He only had one biological child, however he always said he had 5 kids (including step) he would never allow anyone to say that we were his step children..
Tell the day he died, We were his children and HE WAS OUR DAD!!
When I met my real biological dad, I told him you can't be my dad, but you can be my friend. I HAVE A DAD!!!
2007-01-31 01:33:03 · answer #8 · answered by sbratt2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a divorced mother with 2 kids. No guy of mine has to pay to take care of my kids. My ex & I have joint custody & split the bills down the middle.
2007-01-30 22:51:08 · answer #9 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a stupid question, im a single mother and no man pays for my children, the women your dating prob saw you coming love
2007-01-30 22:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by tinkstaffy 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋