I am deeply and completely in love with a man that doesn't want me as anything more than a friend. We have had a tumultuous relationship for almost 2 years now. We went from friends to lovers to live-ins to ex-lovers/live-ins to friends + lovers which is where we seem to be right now. He has made it very clear to me that he is actively looking for his "soul mate" and she is not me. I have read his Personals Ad and the woman he describes as his ideal IS ME!!! with one exception -- the word "slender". I am not obese but nor am I pencil thin. Everytime I ask him why he is throwing me aside he says he "doesn't know what to tell me". I have never been so deeply attached to anyone or anything in my entire life as I am to him but I can't keep sticking pins in my eyes. I am so hurt and feel so worthless I know I have got to get over him but HOW?????
2007-01-30 20:23:39 · 20 answers · asked by not chey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
a rope around the neck
2007-01-30 20:27:26 · answer #1 · answered by Nat Turner 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Leave him NOW! This sounds easier than said but it really is the best thing for the situation you have described in my personal opinion. You need to look out for the most important person in this picture and that person is you. This man is hurting you continously and is using you for his own benefit. I think you have given him your soul but he has lost sight of what real love is. Believe me, I do not think he will find his real love by placing a personal Ad in the paper. If he really loved you it wouldn't matter about appearance. I dont think this man will ever love unconditionally, which you certainly have...even after he has hurt you, you still love him. The best thing I have found when it comes to heartbreaks and heartaches is TIME. Time really does heal just about any wound and that includes a broken heart. Concentrate on other things you love in life. It's time to put you first and other people besides him...such as family and friends. Call a friend or family member about this TODAY...You can not get through this with out the emotional support of your family. Lastly I would like to say that this decision of what to do about this man is up to you and once you have made your decision you must stick by it. I know you have gone through alot with him as you stated, but its time for a change in my opinion and it would be one for the better.
2007-01-30 20:36:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're definitely in love, or so it seems. Maybe TOO in love. I think that you've been with this guy so long and have become somewhat obsessed. You KNOW he doesn't love you, but for some reason you don't want to accept it and have put on the old horse-blinders.
At least he's honest and admits that he doesn't feel the same way as you do. But he isn't totally honest. His "I don't know what to tell you" is total bs. He knows, but he just won't say. He's either trying to spare your feelings or doesn't have the backbone to speak up. He does want someone, it just isn't you. You'll only keep hurting if you keep this facade up, and later down the road when you do decide to 'face reality' you'll be kicking yourself for being so stupid. Life is way to short for this crap. You need to 'suck it up' and get on with your life. When you finally meet 'your' soulmate, you'll be wondering why you wasted so much time obsessing over someone who doesn't love you.
2007-01-30 21:32:47 · answer #3 · answered by Larry F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sorta know what your talking about. My best advice i can think to give you is to go out, meet new people. Have fun. I know that it hurts to hear the person you care most about deny that they feel the same towards you. The truth is, I don't actually know if there is a way to fall out of love. Love is a tricky subject. But, I do know that getting out, meeting new people, helps alot. Time is the key. Within time, you start meeting new people and slowly begin to realize that someone else out there can make you just as happy. I know it's hard to see that now, but it takes time. Don't keep hurting yourself by keep praying for something that's not a reality. In time you will see that another person can make you feel just as good inside, and except you for who you are.
~DaVid~
2007-01-30 20:38:06 · answer #4 · answered by sportscar091788 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont just fall out of love hon... First you have to not see him as much and pray to God to stop your feelings for him. You may also need counseling and help for this.... It is very hard to get over someone that you have such deep love and feelings for... I have been there and it takes a long time!!!! Someday you will find someone that loves you for you and when they are the right one they will feel the same way for you that you do them. Here comes lots of hugs and i sure hope you can start getting over this guy soon. You are not worthless at all you just have not found your mr right as of yet!!!!
2007-01-30 21:38:44 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all cut out the sex because you will never get over him if you are sleeping with him. if you still live together someone has to move seeing him every day is like salt in a wound. then explain to him that while you value his friendship that you need your space. he knows that you have feelings for him explain that they will never go away if you spend time together. if any of that makes him mad then he's not a friend in the first place.
once you get away from him for a while, eat some ice cream. get a new hair cut, a new outfit and a new outlook and go out and find then man the deserves you
good luck!
2007-01-30 20:34:17 · answer #6 · answered by insane illusions 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are beginning to fall out of love. Since he can't see the forest for the trees, he is now rejecting you for a reason that is about as shallow as you can get. Not exactly endearing is it? That's right, you can't keep sticking pins in your eyes nor can you change him. I don't think you can be friends with him--that is not how you are with him and it would serve no purpose of yours. I would dump him and let him fend for himself while you find someone who will truly be the love of your life.
2007-01-30 20:44:41 · answer #7 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im in the same situation as you, and i will pray for you tonight before i go to sleep, because imin love with a woman who has told me it wont happen again and i still think bout her every day sometimes 10 times a day, the hardest thing is letting go, its a hard lesson to swallow, because you love that person and they dont love you back, dont get me wrong they did, but they dont anymore, to tell you the truth i went thru and still am going thru depression which im on medication now because my world evolved around this person, hopefully your not there but if you are take the pills, live one day at a time, i know its hard believe me, i know but time will get you thru this, i want to say one more time i know its extremely hard, if you only knew what im going thru, you will make it, and remember this is a test of your own will, and in the end you will be happy i promise you that think positive, keep your head up!!!
2007-01-30 20:34:55 · answer #8 · answered by baldwin28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't know what to tell u without hurting u, but the longer u stay in this relationship the more it is going to hurt your self worth. no matter what u do or how good u are to this man, it won't matter, he has in his mind what his perfect mate would be and he thinks it isn't u, so he is going to keep searching for her, even though she may not exist.he has her right in front of him, but she has to be physically thin, so why beat yourself up over it, and invest any more into it, your wasting your time on him.
2007-01-30 21:08:43 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even though it hurts...i would stop being his lover. you cant keep on having sex with him in the hope that he will change his mind and want you as his soul-mate. if you do stop...maybe he will miss you and realise that you are the one for him? possible.
in the meantime..you have to move on - its an awful pain when you love someone and its not returned..but you will find somebody else - there is somebody out there for everyone. good luck!
2007-01-30 20:29:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start by not being around him. End ALL contact. Then time will help.
You don't like that answer I'll bet. Well, you won't like any that give you the result you asked for. However, it will hurt less when he does find his "soul mate" if you are far away and not in contact with him than if you are sharing a bed with him.
2007-01-30 20:28:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋