I had my tubes tied 14 years ago and now my (2nd) husband and I want a baby. I had a child with my 1st husband but he made me get my tubes tied (either that or divorce). Since I can't conceive naturally my husband has said he wants to get another girl pregnant. He said it would just be sex, no emotions attached and only for the pregnancy. He says it is not fair to him that we can't have a baby together via natural means. He knew I had my tubes tied when we met. I keep trying to tell him there are ways for us to have a baby (IVF, surrogacy, etc.) but he doesn't want to wait. I am confused about what to do. I could love a baby that was his, but I am having a hard time with the conception process he has suggested. What should I do?
2007-01-30 19:50:11 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
sorry about your situation, thats a real dilemna since if he gets another lady preggie that other lady with prominently feature in your hubbies life also (not a good thing) as she may take advantage of the situation and make your hubby fall in love with her.
i would suggest that you visit your gyneacologist and enquire wether you can have your tubes untied, i have heard it has happened before, if not talk to him about IVF he probably doesnt know how safe and practical it is knowadays.
Last but not least, if he truly loves you he should compromise and understand your fears..... but trust me, another woman in the picture...bad idea
2007-01-30 20:04:48 · answer #1 · answered by Louisa W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I don't mean to be rude but think your husband just wants an excuse to have sex with another woman. If he married you knowing that you are ligated then he should be a man about it. If your tubes are really tied and not cut then it could be reversed. The doctor can remove it for you. If your husband truly loves you a baby can wait. He can either wait for your tubes to be untied or have a In Vitro Fertilization. The only reason I can think of why he does not want to wait for any of those is just one thing and I hope you keep this in mind. He has already slept with another woman and he has impregnated her that's why he is rushing you.
2007-01-31 04:55:59 · answer #2 · answered by aleondra_iris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. And you are considering his suggestion?
He knew before you were married that you had been sterilised, did he tell you before you were married about his plans to get you a child? I assume not.
He says it isn't fair that you can't have a child together, impregnanting another woman isn't having a child together either!
Take control of the situation, don't allow another man to dictate to you with regards to children. He either follows a more traditional method of getting a baby (IVF, surrogacy etc) or the deal is off!
2007-01-31 04:09:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants to cheat. Nothing more than that. I had cancer and my husband and I can't have children. (cancer is gone) He knew from the day we met. He talked to his dad b4 he proposed to me and his dad told him he was marrying me not a child and if he loved me do it. We checked into adoption and other methods but my husband has NEVER said he wanted to get someone pregnant! Besides he would only share custody of this child with another woman. Most women won't just get pregnant and give the dad a baby regardless of the situation. If your husband really loves you and really only wants a baby he would have never suggested what he did. If you allow it, it will destroy your marriage. If he does it, get out while you still can!!
2007-01-31 10:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by healthykidnow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely first check out my options if I were you. If your husband wants a baby and loves you, than he will be willing to wait awhile longer. In terms of IVF, the process can be quite fast when you decide to do it. Its probably better for you and your relationship to wait a little longer and decide what is best for you both.
Its not fair if he would go ahead without knowing whats really possible with you.
2007-01-31 08:11:28 · answer #5 · answered by B.Cakes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can have them go in and harvest your eggs, and use his sperm and implant your own spawn.
It's your body, do you want to have another baby???
Is your husband serious about having a baby with another woman???
how does that make you feel?
Is that what you want?
I think that would cause infidelity!!
Don't do it cuz he is presuring you!!!
he knew you couldn't have a baby with him when you married.
there is more to this.
I would ask him what her name is, and if he's already found this so called "just sex" partner!!!!
Sounds like you will end up on Doctor Phil.
This is not what i would want in a relationship
you will end up resenting him, for presuring you, when you can use your own eggs, and his sperm.
Everything good is worth waiting for.
If he wants a baby with another woman, he's best divorce you first!!! that's where I stand!!! STANDING FIRM AND TALL-- NOT BUDGING. I think he's being crazy, and i would wonder if he was seeing this girl, or if she's already preggers.
Sorry!!!
sounds like marriage counsiling time!!
This is a Rule Breaker!!! ask dr. phil!
2007-01-31 04:06:36 · answer #6 · answered by Lilly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're husband isn't being fair to you, and isn't being totally honest either.
He knew you had the tubal, so he knew that conception without medical intervention would not be possible. I think he just wants an excuse to have sex with someone else, and thinks this will be his free pass to get away with being a cheating husband.
I would tell him that either the two of you get that medical intervention, or that you adopt a child, or that he get his butt out for wanting to cheat on you.
2007-01-31 04:01:33 · answer #7 · answered by Mama Pastafarian 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
don't let him have sex with another girl if you are not comfortable with it! it will only build resentment and you will also resent the child (unwillingly or willingly) since you weren't ok with how it was created! maybe you can choose a surrogate mother you trust and are ok with and choose intro vertilization (however you say it) so they don't ever actually have sex, or maybe you can even look into adoption. if he insist on having the baby with his genes, insist on your genes too and choose in-vetro fertilization (?). If he wants a baby that bad, but loves you and respects you he will do it your way. trust me, if he just goes and does it with another girl, it could have a VERY negative effect on your marriage and relationship with the child. have a very serious long talk with him and explain your feelings! be stern and don't accept anything your not fully ok with. don't cave in! be strong! a million times good luck!
2007-01-31 04:04:45 · answer #8 · answered by lynn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
im sorry but your husband is an *** hole!!! if my man ever said anything like that to me it is something that would ruin the relationship.
From how you said it "my husband has said he wants to get another girl pregnant" so he wants to have sex with another woman and have HER carry his kid. that she will probably just want money from him i doubt he will sign that child right over to him.
He obviously doesnt want to make love you and try and concieve and go threw the happy time of finding out you are pregnant going to your ultrasounds laying with you and feeling YOUR baby kick. He just wants a baby. it doesnt seem like he really cares whos baby it is your or someone elses as long as he has one.
...sounds like a teenage who thinks a baby is all innocent and will do anything to have it.
2007-01-31 04:08:23 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just me, but he wouldn't be having sex with another person!! How would the relationship last knowing your husband is having sex with another person. Getting pregnant the very first time you have sex is highly unlikely, so then he'll be going back again and again. Can you honestly say you could live with that?!! I know I couldn't.
2007-01-31 04:06:20 · answer #10 · answered by tracy211968 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋