Does society make us think we're straight even if we're not?

Question

I remember when I was 10 years old and I saw a picture of a naked woman, and I was semi-turned on. I was never turned on my guys in my life, but I've only dated guys ,and a lot of them. My boyfriend is a straight guy who knows about my lesbian inclinations, but we do love each other, so I don't know what to do. He is he closest person to me in my life, and he's a caring, funny, loving guy.

Anyway, my question is, I never considered that I was lesbian before college, but then I realized that guys have never turned me on, no matter how good looking they are. I find guys "cute" or whatnot, but I've never wanted to have sex with one. I think the male body is somewhat ugly.

I was raised in a non-religious family, but it never occurred to me I was lesbian. I've never crushed on females before but I am solely turned on by them. I have "crushed" on guys, but I am not turned on by guys at all. I'm so confused.

I guess I want to ask, is it because society assumes a person is normally straight, so I am programmed to have "crushes" on guys despite not being sexually attracted to guys? I mean, I do find some guys attractive, so I'm confused.

I fantasize about females, but I have never had a female crush.

Well most of my friends now are guys, and no, not really.

Oral and sex with guys are chores to be honest. I dislike oral, but I am apathetic towards sex. It's like homework.

Answer 1

I think that many of our sexual responses are indeed conditioned. Our response to the world is shaped by society.

Many women who eventually come out as lesbians have had previous relationships with men but then realise or discover that are not really attracted to men.

Answer 2

Definately. When I was a teen I knew I liked other guys but could see beauty in girls. Therefore I assumed that eventually I would find a female whom was not only beautiful to me but also one that I fancied. Obviously this was not meant to be as fancying someone and wanting to spend your life with them and seeing someone who is simply attractive are two very different things.

Society promotes heterosexuality from an early age and therefore it's often common to just go with the flow as we all see ourselves as not being different from others... until you actually begin to discover that the way straight people see the opposite sex isn't remotely like the way you see the opposite sex. We all get to that point eventually - it's really a matter of time and how one deals with it.

If you're unsure why not check out a few lesbian websites and chat rooms. Do you share the same feelings? That might give you more of a clue.

I would suggest using gay bars as a last resort however, as these are not exactly representative of "real life" - just as a str8 bar isn't representative of str8 life.

Answer 3

I would say that society did and still does to a point make people believe that they are all straight. You were taught that boys like girls and girls like boys. If you thought otherwise they would have you talk to a counsellor. More and more society is becoming more open to homosexuality. I feel that you really need to look at yourself for you and not other people and see what you really feel. You can love a person and not be in love with them. Have you never crushed on females before due to you not letting yourself? Try to open yourself up to same sex situations and see what happens. You might just find a whole new you.

Answer 4

Sorry for being blunt but society cant make you feel attrected to male or female.... thats just rubbish. We all get brought up in a society that shows us that the normal' thing is to do the man/woman thing and if you live in a place where there is not any gay relationships then yes you would of course do the 'normal' thing. As for being turned on by woman then that is quite normal from my experience as my girlfriends in the past have said the same thing... but do you enjoy s*x with a man? do you enjoy oral etc? that might give you the answer to your questions?

Answer 5

I find far more women attractive per-se than men too, men just let themselves go with age. When I walk around town I hardly ever see what I consider really attractive men, but I see so many attractive women of all ages. I think that the reason why I like men is because of the fact that I would like a family and I don't want to be a single mother. So maybe that has answered your question, that women do more what convention dictates and because perhaps they want a family. Men can also be very helpful and kind. I also do have a lot of male friends, but I am not really physically attracted to any of them. I only find about 5% of the male population attractive, but they are often taken, or not nice people. So you are not alone girl. I have heard that women prefer shopping to sex, so maybe most women feel like you, but they just want a family and to be loved. I think you should find yourself a girl friend, unless you want children. More and more women are coming out as gay, there is just more of a stigma attached to gay women than men. I think that there is more gay or bi women than gay or bi men, its just that women are too scared to admit to it.

Answer 6

I can remember being 10-12 and having crushes on boys but since I was taught that homosexuality was wrong I didn't get involved with guys. I had crushes on girls but they weren't sexual. My sexual desires are for males and have always been since I was younger. That hasn't changed.

Answer 7

I can tell you only from my own experiences that I understand where you're coming from.
I was always attracted to other females as well.
But yes, society does indeed condition us to believe we're all straight at one point or another...or at least it attemps to.

I know all my other little girl friends all dreamed of the guys they'd one day marry and settle down with. But I never could.
I remember thinking my "Marriage imagination" was broken...when I was very young.
Then I learned of the word lesbian and had a very vague idea of what that was....and that all the other girls would act all grossed out about it. But it never gave me that reaction at all. I just though to myself; "Oh, so there's actually a name for this?"
But, because of my friends' reactions, I learned rather quickly that it was not a socially acceptable thing and that all "normal" little girls were not like that.
So, in school I dated boys...just like all my friends.
But it didn't stop me from having crushes on other girls my age.

I really thought something was terribly wrong with me, so I went so far as to join a "born again" youth group and I tried to pray it away.
NOTHING.
After high school I went in the extreme opposite direction and became sexually promiscuous and had many male sex partners thinking that the sheer over exposure would drive out my attractions to girls.
NOTHING that didn't work either.
Then I thought if I just cooled my heals and actually went for a committed relationship with a guy, even married one and had a kid...that would "cure" me.
NOPE, that wasn't happening either.

So...when my marriage died, I was left to concider who I was and what direction I wanted my life to take.
I also had to concider what leasons I would be teaching my son, whom I now had to care for on my own.
I realized that if I didn't take care of myself, learn to love myself and accept who I really was...that I never could teach that to my son.
After years of struggling with my sexuality, I finally accepted it and began dating women.
I found it to be the most liberating and freeing experiences of my life!
I now have a wonderful life partner, of whom I've had the extreme priveledge of sharing the past ten plus years of my life with and I wonder what the heck took me so long to figure it all out.
When I came out to my family, my parents actually laughed and asked me what took me so long to figure it out!!!!
I was shocked they hadn't said anything to me sooner. Spared me from all the BS I had put myself through.
But, I learned something from it all.
I learned that everyone that had come into my life had been there for a reason. Whether it was something good or bad, there was a reason and I had learned some lesson one way or another from it all.
I had learned through my own experiences how to be a better parent.

Answer 8

Every minority feel this.....how many Blacks, Asians, Latinos feel the same.....as much as they like American culture, many get excited when one of there minority is the first at something, seek periods to explore their own culture, to feel separate and come to terms, that they live in a hetero white world

http://www.kpdxw.com/

Answer 9

Oh my. That is very complicated. You've NEVER had a crush on any of your best friends?

Answer 10

you sure talk a lot and say nothing.
but thats because you are a women..lol
no, you think that the male body is somewhat ugly?
so do I!
I go to the YMCA and in the whole I don't see very many good bodies unless they pump iron and have a six pack..abs
well i still think i prefer women over guys so we both think alike.
I had a friend who is a lebsbian and she said that Paul and I have a lot in common...we both like women...i cleaned that one up for Yahoo..lol..to each his own..you go to your church and I will go to mine..hey take my wife...please.???