when I first met my wife 4 years ago, she told me her 5 kids were all adopted. about 6 months later, I found out that she lied about it and That 3 of the kids were hers.I forgave her because she told me that she did it because she thought i wouldn't stay with her if the kids were hers, and a year later we married.since then I have found out that pretty much half of what she'd been telling me about herself has been lies and i'm not sure if i can take much more of it. She has lied about marrying the kids dads,about living with them,she even told the older kids to lie to me so i wouldn't find out... and there's loads more. I love my wife deeply, but I don't think i can trust what she says anymore,i feel torn between loving her and wondering what else is lies. I desperatly need some advice guys and ladies, am I right to feel this way, or am I just a bad husband for distrusting her now?
2007-01-30 17:43:09 · 24 answers · asked by ROBERT M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to clear a couple of things up... My wifes kids look more like the dads, so it was hard to tell, but yes I did have suspicions about it. I just am so in love with her i didn't think she could lie so well to me... also my wife has totally cut herself off from her familybefore we met ,so i don't know any of them to talk to.
2007-01-30 18:08:02 · update #1
wake up...LEAVE HER!!
2007-01-30 17:48:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Habit of lying is hard to change once you get into this. There is a saying that even if a dog's tail is kept in a can for 12 years, it remains twined, it never gets straightened. There is not only one lie that you have caught, but as you have mentioned there are lots more. No trust remains between two of you. How much you try to be honest with her and want her also to be honest- all your efforts go in vain. If you have kids from her, you cannot just leave her. Give her an ultimatum. In the past what ever she has lied to you, try to forgive her and from now onwards if she is caught lying thing to you tell her that you would divorce her. How bitter the truth may be, one should be able to speak the truth.
2007-01-30 18:18:27 · answer #2 · answered by Ashreya 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are COMPLETELY and UTTERLY justified in feeling angry, let down, confused about her.You are not a bad husband, she is a very bad wife. How can you trust anything she says to you? If she would lie about something as important as her children, what else would she lie about??
Your wife seems like a pathological liar. I would explain how you feel to her, tell her that you need to be able to trust her but at the moment you cannot. Tell her that she needs to start demonstrating that she can be trusted to rebuild the trust. Agree to start the relationship afresh but watch her behaviour closely and look out for further lies. If she continues to lie, I would suggest to her that she gets professional help (psychologist )
2007-01-30 21:36:05 · answer #3 · answered by Chimera's Song 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She sounds very insecure and like she has a lot of emotional problems, but you sound like you really love her and if that's true you need to be there for her and support her through her need to lie. She seems like she is ashamed about her past and afraid people won't love the real her. Try and get her into counselling and to see a doctor to find out why she felt the need to lie about such huge issues and what else there is. The best way to get her to open up is to be non judgemental, caring and just there for her. One day she'll realise you are there fro keeps and then she will open up to you. Hang in there it may not be easy but I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-31 02:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by sally s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's stopped lying then maybe it really was because she was worried you wouldn't be interested though I think it was pretty wrong of her esp getting her hildren to lie to you as well, thats low. If you love her and she's stopped lying and you think you can get over the past then maybe you can move on but she's gonna have to prove alot to earn back your trust. Your not a bad husband - she lied her butt off to you, I personally would dump her whether she stopped lying or not - she's nasty
2007-01-30 23:32:44 · answer #5 · answered by keeley 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad husband at all, all you are seeking is the truth-clarifying certain things that don't add up to you in your relationship with this woman, thats all. Perhaps YOU could get in touch with her family in some way, perhaps you will find the answers there that elude you with your wife...beware of opening cans of worms, or finding skeletons in cupboards though!! Ever heard the saying "you can lock a thief up, but you can't do anything with a liar"? It is as true today as it was way back when!
2007-01-30 19:20:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say it but 'love is blind ' . My alarm bells are ringing so loudly its scary. I know you love your wife, but ask yourself this 'do I really know my wife ?'. From what you've said this women has lied to you from day one, if she can lie about her own children & also make them lie to you too, then she will & probably is lieing to you about lots of things. Ask yourself why she doesn't have anything to do with her family, my guess is that her family have had enough of her lies. Some people have such a low self asteam that they lie to make themselves feel better,if this is why your wife lies then maybe with the help of a counciller she could learn to love herself enough to stop lieing etc. However if she lies to cover over the bad things she's done, or to gloss over things she is doing now then I think you should leave her. It's hard I know but how can you love somebody who has lied so much,. lets face it you can never know a lier because you dont know whats true & whats not. You could waste your life away trying to get thr truth out of her & pos you never will. Walk away, give your love to somebody who deserves it, who will inturn love you enough not to lie to you ever !!
2007-01-30 20:26:25 · answer #7 · answered by ROGER E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are very much in love with her then what is your problem? She obviously has a lot of other redeeming qualities that attracted you to her.Have a long chat with her over a glass of wine or two - and tell her how you feel about this. Trust is very hard to get back once it has gone - so dont let things get that far.
2007-01-30 19:58:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is in some people's nature to lie. It depends on their up-bringing. I'm not justifying it in anyway. I had a very close relative who lied all the time. As I got to know her, I realized that she did all of it in order to make a better world for herself and those whom she loved. The intention in itself is not bad but the act indeed is..................but what sets it apart is that she does not see it as being wrong. You cannot judge such a person with the same measurement that you would judge a normal person.
I'm not saying that your wife is not normal but what I am saying is that, what is normal to u and me may not be normal to her and vice versa. I know this because my relative - my mother - was quite helpless. She couldn't help herself.
If you love her, you may have to accept her for who she is. If you think that you cannot, then don't keep bitterness in your heart and suffer, its better for the both of you to go your separate ways............but it is important that you identify as to why she lies;
(1) Does it come naturally to her.....but yet she has good intentions
(2) She wants to deceive you and use you.
The 1st is a keeper and you know what to do if its the 2nd.
Good Luck
2007-01-30 19:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
she needs help, she is very insecure regardless of your love for her. Get her some counselling so she can see she does not need to lie to keep you, rather the opposite tell her it's the thing that will drive you away. Try and remember that whilst it is bad she is lying she is not doing it to be vindictive or spiteful to you she sees it as the only way to keep her family together, you will not be able to convince her of this alone, you are too close to the situation she needs an outsider to make her see the damage she is doing. Good luck.
2007-01-30 23:46:09 · answer #10 · answered by Smoochy Poochy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your in every right to feel upset,she has gone out of her way to make sure that her secrets wouldn't come out,and using the children,how low can this woman go,to me if you cant trust this woman how can you ave a relationship with her,even though your heart is saying i love her and you not trusting her the situation in your head will be mixed all up which is not a good situation to be in,id speak to her and tell her what your feelings are,if more secrets come out its up to you what you do,and yes you ave got every right to leave her as well,good luck with what you do
2007-01-31 03:05:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋