My best friend introduced me to this guy and has known him for 4 years he lives in a different state than me. We IM almost every day and I talk to him on the phone all the time. He told me the other day that if he lived closer he would sooo go out with me and he liked me cause I could be myself. Just a little while ago he is having problems with his family and is really upset. He told me that he just wished someone was there to hold him and tell him everything is going to be ok. I told him if I was there I would and he was like I know you would I know you would. I really like him but I don't really know what he wants me to do or what he is most likely going to do next. Does anyone have an idea of what I should say or do?
2007-01-30 16:24:16 · 38 answers · asked by blackglitter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
not knowing how old you are makes this a difficult question -
plus the "next state" doesn't tell us much...the next state could be 50 miles away...of 1000 miles away...big difference if we are talking an hour or two in a car or a flight...but regardless of that ...your first step is to ask him.
Straight up, Is there anything I can do for you?
If you would like to see you, he probably will say so....perhaps you are doing exactly what he needs , right now, with out complications and that is listening to him.
2007-01-30 16:31:58 · answer #1 · answered by Ruth M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. There is a man I have loved for 4 years now, problem is, he lives in a different state. He really cares for me too. We just accepted that it can't work because of the distance and at our age (20) we are too young to be tied to something like that. You like that guy, great, but relationship would be a hard thing. Just enjoy each other right now because you don't know how long it will last.
2007-01-30 16:32:32 · answer #2 · answered by Kimmie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be going through a rough time, so he is looking to you for emotional support. Just knowing that you care can bolster his spirit. You seem to be doing that very well so far, so keep up the good work. (not that it's actual work)
I just hope that you don't get yourself to drawn in to his problems. Your life will have enough complications of it's own, so you don't have to take on the troubles of a virtual stranger. It's great that you can support him a little through this time in his life, but in a healthy relationship emotional support is a two way street.
If you are the only one offering support, & he's doing all of the taking, then the only thing that you get out of it is a good feeling that you have helped him along the way.
That is not healthy for either of you.
What would be healthier is if you support each other when each of you needs it.
It's great to be appreciated by others, & you are being a good friend to him, but just don't let his emotional needs suck the life out of you OK!
2007-01-30 16:45:01 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you guys really do like each other but the situation is that you both live in another state and are probably not in a possition to be able get on a plane and go visit him if your underage. So I suggest you keep doing what your doing, be there for him let him know you care and that if you could have you would be there for him ,so send him a vertual hug. You listening to his problems is a good thing for him. Maybe if your parents will allow it you could visit him or have him visit you???. Well I hope it all works out.
2007-01-30 16:37:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say you've done all you can do.
Show you really care- Check
Show that you're there for him - Check
Expressed a feeling for him that proves that you'd be there in a heart beat if you could- Checkmate
The best you can do is keep in touch keep finding new ways to show what you've already said, that will give him the support he needs.
My family was torn apart by medical problems I was practically the only one who was "OK" the strain was so terrible that I actually thought about suicide. My girlfriend and the responsibilities that got landed with me kept me alive... my family is well agian now :). I doubt things will be diferent with him.
2007-01-30 16:38:26 · answer #5 · answered by A Friend You'll Never Know 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you guys really need to see eachother- this is an obvious one- if its out of the question because of distance- like u live in NY & he lives in Hawaii- call it a loss and ACCEPT IT!
Don't mope or be one of those sad drama girls.
Dont go through life thinking about what COULD HAVE been- but live it the way it is. But if he lives in NJ & you live in NY or CT- man up and get over there and vice verse. It's obvious the two of you have some sort of connection and if you don't do something about it, then it's a waste of your time and will only make it more difficult for you to move on.
2007-01-30 16:30:23 · answer #6 · answered by toburn41 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If yours is just infatuation just forget it you will get over gradually. It is good he lives in a different state. Long distance has more impact on Love. As I said earlier if it is infatuation then leave it. If it is true love, then ask yourself wheather you are matured enough to take such decisions at your age. If not discuss with your parents. They will guide you better. Hey I may sound little weird because i am answering this from india. But every where Love is same. Good luck.
2007-01-30 16:33:46 · answer #7 · answered by Loganathan Raja Rajun R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be a friend. If distance seperates you and your connection is via instant message, you dont have a chance to get to know someone. Interaction is the only way and that has to be in person. Plus, as a guy, I guess I dont get the "hold me" stuff. Sounds weak to me. Or, a good play on your emotions so you believe he is vulnerable, which is what helps his position. Either way, as a guy, my advice, be a good friend, if you get closer (geographically speaking) to each other, go out and see what its like. If not, be a good friend, enjoy your life and meet people. Too many people get way too involved emotionally and spend their lives tied up in la-la-land. Sorry to be harsh... but sounds like he needs to man-up and not push his troubles on you. You want someone to want to take care of you. Good luck.
2007-01-30 16:30:45 · answer #8 · answered by KDC23 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he wants to have a closer relationship with you; like maybe be your boyfriend. If you are not keen about having a closer relationship with him, you should drop a hint to him. If you are keen on that, then you should seriously consider if he is the guy for you because it would then be a long-distance relation. And how are you guys going to work out this long-distance relation.
If you just consider him as a platonic friend, you should let him know as well, so that he would not mistake your concern as a girlfriend's. Let him know that your moral support for him is as a platonic friend and that you treasure him as a platonic friend.
I've been in this shoes and I think you should tell him frankly. Else he would treat it that you've cheated him as he has been feeling your concerns as his girlfriend.
However, if you don't think he means this, then you just be yourself and treats him how you've been treating him.
Good Luck!
2007-01-30 16:42:39 · answer #9 · answered by vach1970 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people are having problems, they need to know that someone really cares. All you can do is listen to him and let him know that nomatter what happens you will be there for him to talk. As he gets older and is able to get out on his own, he will be able to take charge of his own situation and make it better. Tell him that one day everything will be alright, and that you will always be his friend. It will mean the world to him. Also talk to your parents if you need any advice. They know more than you do about handling your friend. You are a really good friend, and I praise you for helping him. You can only do so much to help, and he has to learn to overcome his problems. Good luck to both of you, Blessings. <><
2007-01-30 16:35:43 · answer #10 · answered by Reenie W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋