My marriage?

Question

I need to know your opinion.

My husband and I got into this huge fight the other night, and he ended up going to jail for it. I want desperately to work things out with him, but he's talking about divorce. I am pretty sure that's not what he wants, as I know his family is giving him their opinions. The only problem is he gets physical when he gets angry. Not punching or anything like that, but he does gets pushy.

I believe that if he were to get some therapy everything could work out. What do you think I should do?

Answer 1

I think maybe he needs to learn how to control his anger. He could need some counseling to help him. But, he has to want the help and he has to want to make that change, you can't change him either. He has to make that choice.

His family should not get into your guys business as well.

If this has happened more than once, then he should not be in the home, especially if you two have kids in the home, he should be out of the home. You need to protect you or your kids from harm.

Answer 2

I really feel for you. The problem is a lack of self control on your husbands part, but I would be unfair if I didn't say it takes two to tango. I don't know what the details are of the argument you had but I've been on your end of the stick. I'm always lost about what I did to contribute to the problem and what I could have done to prevent it. The problem now is going to be that you've crossed a threshold where your husband went to jail and that will stay in his mind for a long time. He's going to blame you for that and the best you can say is that you're sorry he was arrested. Maybe you felt you had no choice or were just fed up. Either way you did the right thing. The best thing that you could hope to happen would be that he's learned a lesson not to be physically aggressive again. If he can't learn to get control of his emotions then the same thing will happen again. I know men and women argue differently and sometimes the words can be as hurtful as physical contact. The only thing I can offer is that when you sense that an argument is getting out of control try to just stop it right away, even if you feel hurt by what has been said. If you feel he won't stop then leave the room. If all else fails know in advance where a safe room is with a bolt or a lock that you can go to. Make sure the room is sturdy enough to keep him away until he cools down. You can leave the house as well but I always hate the idea that I'm being argued so badly that I have to leave.
I don't hold out a lot of hope for couples therapy after one of you has been jailed so don't expect any miracles. The one thing you can do is find out for sure if your husband wants to save the marriage. By his answer you will know whether you should even try. Do not mistake the hope of love as real love. You can excuse his behavior as being influenced by his family but that excuse only goes so far. If he wants the marriage to work he has to work with you to make it so. First there has to be peace and stability in the relationship and then there can be loving and caring. God. I hope you don't have children. Good luck.

Answer 3

Therapy may work until the next time he gets mad. Pushy is bad. It leads to punching & beating. I'm afraid if you stay with him you are going to get hurt. If he's talking about divorce, I'd give it to him and find someone who cares for you. If whatever happpened was bad enough for him to go to jail, then your best bet would be to get out while you still can.

Answer 4

Pushy leads to hitting.

He may be able to change if he gets help but until he does and a professional tells you he's OK I would stay away from him

Maybe he wants the divorce because he knows this relationship is not good for either of you.

Answer 5

I am also a man, I think same as of your husband in nature.

Presently, at this moment, to go ur husband and say sorry to him. Let's get the things patch up first. You are requested to maintain your cool and patience. Try to give me everything of yours ( u got n...) which only one wife can give. Take well care of him.

Again, you and ur husband are requested to read a very good book named "Women are from Venus and Man are from Mars". There, you and ur husband will discover the difference between a women & man. I donot mean only physical, but other things also.

Answer 6

I would not take him back unless he changes and gets the help he needs to be a better husband to you and you also need help and counseling.. If this does not get better then divorce him and dont think twice about it. If he went to jail it had to be pretty serious by the way!

Answer 7

Why would you want to remain w/someone who could be potentially harmful to you physically? It only esculates in many cases. Hes in jail for a reason
but I think you need therapy so you can help ur self-worth and independence and move on from that relationship

Answer 8

If he went to jail, there is more than pushiness. Take off the rose colored glasses. Get help yourself...you are in the cycle too. Get help and trust that when he, or any other he you encounter, is sick of the life he's leading, he will arrange for help himself. Read about Narcisistic Personality Disorder, in particular and other behavioral disorders in general. Does it fit?

Answer 9

First of all, you can't force therapy on him. He has to want to do it....so maybe try talking him into it. And if he says he thinks you need it too...well give in if it will help him in the long run. If you decide to do counseling, both of you should go. It's pointless if your husband won't go. n

Answer 10

He can get all the therapy in the world doesnt mean he will change. And frankly if a man pushs you its just the first step before he hits you. Get out.