How do I handle my 16 year old daughter?

Question

My daughter is 16, and has become really troubled. She takes very low grades, she swears all the time, she doesn't respect her dad and I and now she decided seh's not going to college. I don't know what to do anymore!

Answer 1

Well how about a time out. There are counseling programs that provide family counseling...also if need be the counselor can mention a time out for the family will dealing with issues it is a case by case basis and also based on income if not able to afford they have access to many grants.. No not a lot of paperwork or anything like that you just call set up an appt. gor for therapy they will talk to daughter then to ya'll then all of you together and work on communication skills. coping skills etc. I know of one it is called Roy maas Youth Alternatives I worked their for a very lontime they do great for teens and families they understand both sides don't pick sides and is a safe place to get help. Not sure if this is okay but the number is 340-7971 you can also call 211 United way helpline. Now all of this is in S.A. Texas not sure where you are located but they have these kind of programs nationwide you just need to find what services youhave available in your area.

Answer 2

Of all the problems, you've listed, pick the grades as the problem you're going to work on with her. Tell her that you will help her put in the time to improve her grades. Sit down with her at the kitchen table every night for at least an hour, maybe two. But have a clock and make sure you are sitting at the table and both working quietly at some kind of schoolwork without fail every night. Unless she has a learning disability that you don't know about (schools are a lot more in tune to that these days so it is less likely to be the case that it hasn't been noticed), her grades WILL improve and that will tell her something about herself - that she can be smart. This does a lot for a person; anybody who tries to tap into their intellectual strengths and succeeds will feel better about what they can accomplish. Particularly college.
Some of the other things will improve, too.
Sit back and do your own intellectual work, too. Maybe reviewing some subject you have always liked and wanted to spend more time on. Reading the newspaper doesn't count. Reading books about history and taking notes does.
Be available - which you can be because you are sitting there. Do only exactly what she asks of you and wait for her to ask more. She'll feel like she has a personal, unobtrusive tutor at her disposal. Her grades will improve.

Answer 3

I am currently 17 and have seen many of my friends go through this. I think it's slightly ridiculous. It's normal because teens need to go through a phase where they separate from their parents and become independent. However, there are limits to what is reasonable. And that is not. You need to penalize her. Realize she will be extremely angry with you for punishing her and it will be hard on you, but in the long run you need to not be her friend and be a parent. Most parents find it hard, but it's super important. You need to ground her and/or take away her privileges until she "shapes up." Not about the college, because ultimately that is her decision. If you send her, she will most likely rebel by flunking out. But you have to do things like not let her go out and take away TV and just make her respect you. If all else fails you could send her to Montana. I'm serious. There are schools out there for troubled teens with every kind of problem. Multiple people I know have been sent to various schools up there. Like if she really gets out of control. Give them a call maybe? Here's a link to the one my friend was sent to. She says she would probably be dead in a gutter somewhere if it weren't for them. She was an extreme case, but still. http://www.montanaacademy.com/public_index.asp. Also consider maybe something bad happened. Like some sort of abuse or something if the change was really sudden. She probably won't want to talk to you (the price of being a parent), but maybe a therapist could help. Hope this helps. You can email me with any questions.

Answer 4

Have you tried counselling?You need to set down ground rules about swearing.Also maybe she needs help with schoolwork.As for college she is too young to make that kind ofdecision.Give heranother year to mature.Lots of kids are not ready to make major decisions.Encourage her to do well at school by bribing herwith a reward.Also let her enjoy her life as a teenagernot todothewrong thingslike drinking and smoking.Let her hang out with her friends and play on the computer or whatever she likes to do for relaxation.I have noticed that a lot of kids seem to be worried because if they get a bad mark on an assessment the parents will get mad.Sure getting top grades is im[portant but not all the time.Just let her know that you know that she tries hard.Parents expect too much of their kids at times.I can understand parents getting mad if their kid gets bad marks for notstudying but when kids try hard and dont get the marks the parent expected.Teenage years are hard enough times wwithouthaving to worry about your parents being on your back all the time. about schoolwork marks.

Answer 5

We give our children too much these days. You need to sit her down and have a talk with her and explain why you feel she should work harder to improve her grades. Point out that if she chooses not to go to college show her all that she won't have anymore by taking it away. Take away the computer, (you keep the cable or power cord), take away her TV, (does she have one in her room?) ipod, game system. She may have a book but no phone or limited phone time. As she improves, give back things as she earns them. We have used this with great success, just warn her that it's coming. Try to be there as much as possible to listen, to talk and to reassure her that everything will work out. Good Luck! =)

Answer 6

I'm in 7th grade and know what she is going through. Life is hard at this age and it is still very early to make that desision about college. Ask her why she is troubled, sometimes we expect parents to know what we are thinking and how to solve it. If she says nothing keep asking her, sometimes we are also waiting for the right time to tell an adult what is going on. Give her lots of chances were she can talk to you in private. Be patient and give her lots of love no matter what happens!

Answer 7

From experience, i would say that she is just saying she is not going to college because she is 16 and trying to rebel against you. But wait until you start making her pay for things she will respect you more. Make her get a job and pay for her cell phone, or any other little thing she may want. Tell her if she wants a car she has to work for it. Make her pay a quarter every time she swears.

Answer 8

If shes not going to college,then thats decided for her,she might change her mind.But,tell her she may do what she want(hang out,go on the internet,eat junk food etc...)if she keeps TRIES in school.Whether she gets a d,c,a,f,or some other grade,she still has to try.If shes cusses and gives you attitude ,tell her that you sorry for whatever you done and your trying your best to help her!She may think its strange and stuff like that but have her talk to a school counselor(works for me).Tell her to try in school,but not slack.She should have the teacher help her improve those grades.

Answer 9

Is this really sudden? Did she change overnight?

Seems to me like she might have fallen in with the wrong crowd at school. Take a look at her friends. Inspect her room (and her purse) for drugs.

Run, don't walk, to a counselor. In the meantime withhold allowance and the car keys until she can meet certain goals with grades and language.

Answer 10

Just keep talking to her. I agree make her pay for her own bills. Anything extra like cell, car, etc. Her basic needs are still her responsibility. It is a tough time right now pressure from parents, teachers, friends, etc. You try to be everything for everyone and sometimes you just can't handle it. Tell her if she wants you to help her you have to know what is wrong if she does open up don't freak out it will just push her farther away. Good luck and God bless.