Is it time to end the relationship?

Question

Ok... so I have been with my girlfriend for over 3 years. I love her, but I feel that our relationship has lost something. First, it is a long distance relationship I only gety see her 2 weekends a month, because i'm in school. But I feel bad ending things... because it's so complicated. She lives at home with her parents, her mom is sick with emphysema ( a lung disease), she's not dying or anything, but she does have some trouble doing things around the house. Her mom is completely clueless about our relationship, and just thinks we're good friends. But anyways, I always stay at her parents house when I go visit. But her mom is like so demanding, and we spend most of the weekend running errands for her mom, and barely ever spend any alone time together. Then there is the factor that her dumbA$$ brother got put in jail for having like 5 DUI's in a month, and now she has to care for his 2 year old son until he gets out. So when we're at her house, I have to deal with her mom and nephew.

Then there is the double standard issue. Since I have been in college, I have not been able to go to any parites, because she is not comfortable with it. But she's allowed to hang out with whoever she wants, whenever she wants. Also, I am looking at internships to complete for my major, and she is having problems with the fact that I am going to be away for a couple months to complete them. I mean i'm spending 20000 a year to go to college, and she wants to tell me not to complete my internships?? Am I being selfish? Should I end things? Any advice would be great.. thanks!!

Oh.. and sorry for any grammatical errors, I wrote this very quickly.

Answer 1

Your in college...you're allowed to be selfish... you're being abused here..I'd end it if I were you....

Answer 2

This really seems to be one of those questions where yo already know the answer.
It will not be selfish if you choose to end it. I am first of all a person that believes highly in education and I applaud your determination. Nothing should get in the way of completing an internship.
It also seems like your girlfriend/lover has so many problems at home that neither of you are getting the time and attention you want. I think if it is easier and more relaxed for you to perhaps search for a gf around school if that is what you want, all the more reason.
Three years is a long time for a relationship but even those end. Hell people are married for 20 or 30 years and then decide to end it. You are still young and need to enjoy this time.
Feel free to move on if that is what you decide. It is still your decision.
Oh, and yes her brother does sound like a real dumba$$.

Answer 3

Look, Megan, don't put so much pressure onto yourself. Honestly, I just feel that this relationship is just not meant to be, so I feel that it is indeed time to end the relationship. I just think that she's not THAT into you, you know what I mean? Because from how I see it, if she really cared, you would be a priority and she'll make an effort to make more time for you two despite what's going on in her house. It's not easy to break up with someone but it has to be done, to enable you and her to move on with your individual lives... cos sooner or later, it has to be done anyways, so why put it off? It will only save you time, money, worry and a false sense of security. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Well you aren't being selfish for one. You are trying to get a good career, so dont worry about that.
Well maybe with the relationship you need to take a break, obviously with you being in college and her looking after her mum and her nephew , there is too much going on.
If you have a break you can sought things out see if think your relationship could go any further or if you should end it.
Dont make a rash decision without thinking it through, you could regret it.

Answer 5

Key Question:

Are your needs being met?

It doesn't sound like it.

It's hard to admit to yourself, but don't feel guilty---your needs just aren't being met any more.

It doesn't matter if its circumstantial or who's fault it is, if you aren't getting what you want and deserve, you need something to change.

This circumstance sounds less than ideal.
Long distance relationships are hard enough. She has a lot on her end on top of the long distance factor.

She will be really hurt at first if you decide to break things off but over time she will likely understand.

Also, the double standard thing isn't helping you with life experiences and growing.

Find someone that will support you on your journey, not someone who is the object of your struggles.

I promise you will find someone else more suiting....give yourself a chance.

Answer 6

It sounds like she is selfish and as far as your internship its called to bad and no you are not selfish you have a lot of money tied up in your education.Get the education first then find another girl without the excess baggage If she cant handle you going out with friends to bad

Answer 7

don't give up your education for her or anybody else. She is afraid of you growing as a person. She doesn't want to get left behind. If she truly loved you, she would encourage you to better yourself. Her life is full of drama and she will almost always have drama in her life. If it isn't there, she will find a way to stir the drama pot. She doesn't sound truly available as she has too much going on in her life. If it is OK for her to go to party's, it is OK for you. Double standards ruin a relationship. It does sound like it is time for you to move on in your life. You have a wonderful opportunity in front of you, stay on the road and make something out of your life!!!! Good Luck.

Answer 8

This is the advice I would give to either of my daughters(they are 23). Life is about choices, some are worse choices than others, but its those choices that make our life what it is.

Project yourself 5 years from now. Where are you? What are you doing? Imagine your life, once you have completed your goals and moved forward. Now put your g/f in your life. Does she fit? Are you happy?

Your g/f is using her sick mother and degenerative brother as an excuse to not live her own life, and she wants you stuck right there with her. If she chooses to do that, fine, but you aren't choosing that kind of life. What is she doing to move forward? From what you are saying about her, nothing and she resents you doing so.

As hard as it will be, I think you need to think of yourself in this. I would simply tell her that she needs to plan to come along with you or be left behind. I know that seems heartless, but its what she is asking you to do, "give up your dreams because my mom is sick and my brother is in trouble". She's rescuing them, and enabling them, and if that's what she wants for her life, then fine. The question is, is that what you want? How long would it take for you to learn to hate her if you choose to leave your dreams behind to be with her?

Good luck to you, and to your g/f, but my advice is to move on.

Answer 9

You are very supportive to her - it's time that she is supportive to you now.
You need to do your internship - there is no way around that. If she is not willing to sacrifice for your (longterm also mutual) future, she obviously does not consider your relationship to go longterm. In that case it's time to split. But don't just leave - talk to her, explain your needs (including one-on-one time) and see what she has to say. Chances are, she might be thinking about ending your relationship too. Maybe you can just be friends and meet again when circumstances are better.

Answer 10

No, you're not being selfish. If you stay in this relationship I don't see you going anywhere fast. She seems to have control of this relationship and you follow along doing what she wants. Yes, she does have some choices that she can make for herself...but it sounds like she's not going to leave her family for you..So if you want to move on with your life I would do it. I know how difficult it is to do this..but what do YOU want out of life?

Answer 11

it is SO time to end it. i realized it the moment you said "long distance relationship" and everything after that just confirmed it. your girlfriend is being selfish and manipulative and people like this only get worse as you let them. end it now.