im 17 & extremely shy.i tried 2 change but i cant. do u think i can change, is there nebody out there like me?

Question

I moved 2 a new state a few months ago & since then i really dont have any friends just people i rarely talk 2 in my classes. i am from a really small town & known the people there my whole life so it was really easy for me 2 talk to some of them.. even though some of them considered me really shy until we spent time together just talking.. in my classes i barely even speak& i hate when people say "you are so shy" or "u are the quietest person i have ever met".bc i really dont want to be and thats not how i am when im with my friends or family but its kinda weird bc i can go up to a stranger with my friends and be the loudest, funniest person ever bc i guess i dont care what they think of me bc i will never see them again. i just cant do that at school, even at my old one i didnt talk 2 much..people always compare me to my sister (who is a year younger) how we r soo much different and it really bugs me alot. i cry almost everynight bc i really dont want to be like this my whole life!

Answer 1

Awww.....you sound like really sweet girl though. Ok, I was a really shy guy too but I'm getting much better. So here's what you do.

1) Go to a church, believe in Jesus
I can't explain how much Jesus has changed my life, so I will not write it down here. Believe in him and ask him for help. Also, going to church is a big help for communication skills. People there are usually very kind and warm, and they are likely to initiate talking. You go to the church first time, and 50 people will want to talk to you and ask all the questions and stuffs. I highly recommend this one.

2) Everyone loves you
You sound like really sweet person and everyone will love to get to know you better. Think it this way. If you don't talk to those people and share your personality, you're not giving them much chance to get to know your, and it can actually hurt people. They will like you whatever you show them, as long as you try to stay not too obnoxious. So. Go for it!

3) Read some books about communication
Leil Lowndes wrote some great books about overcoming shyness. They will help you much.

4) Practice asking people open-ended questions.
Don't ask people closed question. like if you ask "Do you drive?" they will say "Heck, yeah." and the conversation will be over. If you rather ask "What car are you driving? What's the best part of driving in this town?" then it will keep the conversation flow. So. practice it a lot. You're not a shy person, you're just not letting it out.

5) Try some internet chatting
It will be less nervous to talk to people online. Try talking to them and get some confidence.

6) Psych yourself up before talking to people
Try initiating conversation with people. Before talk to them, take a deep breath and think about this. If 1 being the most nervous and shy and 10 being the most excited, where are you at? Try to get yourself excited up to 7 or 8.

Well...I kinda had the same problem and I read many books and tried many different things and I'm actually getting much better. The most important thing was of course, believing in Jesus and going to the church. Thanks.

Answer 2

I have the same feeling. I was extremely reserved in high school and college is no different either. I'm sad that I took the same problems with me to college. I really thought I was going to change. The best thing you can do is practice. It's very hard to get over that anxious, threatened feeling you have at school. Since you are 17, I'm guessing that you are about to begin college (or maybe you have already started). Make sure to bring a new you to college. Leave that shy girl at home and just get out there.

Most people you will encounter in your college classes will have no idea who you are. So on the first day, start off on the right foot. By answering the teacher's questions and being nice to those around you, you will appear friendly and approachable. People will feel comfortable around you.

I messed up in one of my classes that started a couple of weeks ago. I talked the first day and then kind of digressed into my old habits. Today, the teacher called on me and said "the girl who never talks" and I just about died. I swear there were other people who haven't said a word. Maybe it was because I sat in the front and it's kind of common for those people to be engaging. Perhaps in your new classes you could sit near the front or in the middle. That way, you can surround yourself with other people and not be stuck in the back or overlooked on the side.

If you have a question about an assignment, try to turn to your peers for help. Chances are, those people will be harmless and you can engage in smalltalk. That way, if you ever have future problems, you can turn to them. You don't need to find a best friend in your classes, just a friend or an acquaintance.

You really don't have to go out of your way to join sports, clubs or activities. But they definitely are a plus. If you don't want to do something athletic, you could try a movie watcher's club. As long as you make good eye contact, smile and show interest, you will be set.

Good luck.

Answer 3

HEY!!! This is a copy of my life story! Only difference I was 13 when it happened to me. I grew out of it. Here maybe this will help you feel better, I don't know where it comes from but anyway "The smarter man is the quiet man". I changed, I think, because I moved from a place where I had friends everywhere to a place comparable to an old folks home where the only place I could really let off my energy was in school.

Here's another piece of advice, JOIN A SCHOOL GROUP. Students Helping Other People (SHOP) is good but only a few schools seem to have it. School plays and musicals are fantastic for meeting people and having fun, instead of feeling alone in the world. Popular people might make fun of you for it but even considering that it can only help you..

I'd put in more tips but you'd be too bored to read farther.

If you still want to here more e-mail me at: "[e-mail]" and I'll give some more help, but to be honest I'm only 15 myself.

Answer 4

Is there any way you can tough it out 3 more years? I really think your life sounds better than a life on the streets. Have you thought about how you are going to pay for living expenses? Do you plan on being homeless? I guess for tips I would say try to look normal, not look guilty. So try to be clean and trust your instincts about people and situations. I am praying for you. I wish I could know more to guide you better. But this doesn't sound like a well-thought out plan. Good luck any way. I will be praying. Maybe you should too. Think positive thoughts. Visualize what you want and imagine the energy of the Universe coming together to make that thing happen. Works for me.

Answer 5

I was shy in high school. I didn't really fit in and it was obvious to me and to everyone else (or so it seemed at the time). When I was old enough to get a job, I started working, and discovered that I was comfortable talking to the people at work...coworkers, customers, supervisors, etc...and some of that confidence in meeting people carried over into my life at school. You could just be going through a stage, too...I don't think you should worry that something is really wrong with you or anything. Moving is traumatic, especially for kids, and you're still in an adjustment period.

Keep in mind, since you're 17, you have one or two years with these people, and then you'll be going on to college or out into the workplace. Another thing, somehow senior year seems to bring people together...everyone ends up feeling like best friends with all of their classmates by the end of it.

Look for activities outside of school...church youth group, volunteer at a museum or zoo or somewhere like that, maybe a job if it won't keep you from studying...something where you're meeting people who are more outgoing than the average high school student.

When you meet someone, if you're nervous the best approach is to talk first..."Hi, I'm ----. I don't think I've met you before." and then they'll tell you their name, and you follow up with, "Nice to meet you," or "Great to meet you." When you're the one who starts talking, you feel like you're in control of the situation and it's easier for you to feel comfortable.

Answer 6

I really don't think that is a problem. A lot of people will tell you that you need to be more confident in your self but to tell you the truth a lot of people in soceity who are confident in themselves to the degree that they aren't self-conscious normally are not very thoughtful. A lot of people in soceity are more prone to speak before they think rather than think before they speak. Perhaps you are just cautious about your actions because you don't want people to think wrongly about you? I understand what you mean about wanting to "fit in" and "be happy" like most people seem to be, but I honestly think there is a very good reason for you taking caution when socializing with people you see on a regular basis. I don't think your condition is a bad one. All of these people picking on you and confronting you about your quietness either aren't very understanding or they aren't very sensitive to your situation. Everyone is different and perhaps you are just a more calm person? I think people who have the same personality will eventually surface and it will be more special. I wouldn't necessarily suggest becoming less self-conscious because that is when you slip and start saying things before you think. You also start saying things you regret. There is nothing wrong with being cautious. Good people will generally understand that the reason you are quiet is because you are just being cautious. People can be really mean and insensitive at the age of 17, well at any age really, so I would say just look for people who understand you and who can relate to you. There are so many directions this problem can be taken though. Do you know of any reasons you may feel this way? It would be more of a help if you gave more details.

Answer 7

Yes you can change. the biggest problem is to change you have to put yourself into situations your uncomfortable in. I used to be so anti social I would never talk to people, avoid everone.
You'll probbly never be totally "cured' but you can get much better. I had to spend a great deal of time learning about myself and people and learning how to interact.
I would start by asking people in stores for something or other. Like where is this or that. Just small steps. Also self hypnosis would be very good to learn. Learn about how using imiagry can really affect your behavior.
Its not easy, fast or comfortable but you can do it so don't worry jst do it.

Answer 8

Start with the basics. Learn to appreciate yourself. You are the best friend you'll ever have. You are unique in the universe. Learn to love yourself, to accept yourself without reservation, warts and all. If you can learn to love yourself, to honor yourself by what you do and the choices you make, you will find others will recognize that you are a complete person and will be attracted to you. Most people are so concerned about what others think about them that they don't pay much attention to themselves. If you can understand yourself you will recognize that you are perfect just as you are. When you can reach that stage where you accept yourself, then others will be attracted to you. Your shyness will disappear (it is, after all, based on your concerns about what others will think). Good luck.

Answer 9

I cant quote the Biblical scripture - but in essence it says that when people talk too much there's lots of room for foolish talk. But where words are few, wisdom abounds.

I'm paraphrasing but you get the point. Often times I forced myself to talk allot when by nature I am not a huge talker. I made a fool of myself every time. So be Yourself. You'll talk with better intelligence than those who yap all the time.

The thing is - if you are too quiet people think you're a snob. If you talk to much, people think you're a know-it-all. You cant pease everyone, so please yourself in those cases.

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel. I just went through the same experience. Dont over do it. a good way to make friends is to do it through your friends. Talk to your friends in front of one of their friends. the next thing you know, someone new just got to know you. as much as you think its not normal just know that it IS ok to be shy. YOU WILL BE OK NO MATTER WHAT. I believe that you will get through this. I met someone who is 27 and she is so so so shy. her mom says that it will be a while before she ever dates and marries. what ever happens happens. dreams come true and just remember that no matter what happens you will end up ok. you are not alone in situations like this. there are others going through the same exact thing. I heard that 5 % had never been shy in their life.45% have been shy once and 50% have been shy their intire lives. dont cry. you WILL be ok. everythings gonna be ok. trust me.