I don't know what to do anymore. I have supported my husband through some darkest moments, He mislead me in so many ways in our 12 years we have known each other. He lied about money a lot it's a long story. I adored him and i wanted to help but by doing this i let my life go. He works all over the world and we are appart a lot but i follow him when ever i can so we can be togeather. I made him get help and told him unless he did it was over. We would not have survived and i feared for his life as he was talking a lot about killing himself. He finally got help and although i wouldn't change that for anything in this world now he is a very cold unemotional person to the point of he seems so angry at me all the time. The smallest thing i say he is upset. I feel i have been with him for 12 years and i supported him through everything but now that he has got help i feel so unloved. He says he loves me but he doesn't show it. Sure!! he is good a good man deep down but i'm so sad i need more
2007-01-30 14:47:13 · 15 answers · asked by angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everything has to be his way, he won't listen to how i feel and i have asked him to show me more his answer is this is who i am now. I'm scared becasue my love is fading for him because i can't give him anymore without breaking myself. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I need more!! When is it my turn for happiness? Help!!
2007-01-30 14:50:49 · update #1
I am traveling with him now and i try to show him a lot of attention but it doens't work. i am away from home no friends and no family so i am so lonely because i cant talk to him about my problems, he won't listen to me
2007-01-30 15:03:11 · update #2
Unfortunately u wont be happy unless u do something drastic.. im not one for divorce but i do understand the need for things to change and feeling like ur going crazy because u cant seem to get through..
At this point, if its as bad as u say it is..and its not an over dramatized version of the truth, then ur to a point that u need to leave.. i know it sounds harsh but he's taking you for granted, and im not necessarily saying u have to get a divorce..although its a very thin line to cross at that point.. he will either realize what he's just lost and beg for u to come back to the point that he's willing to do anything to get u back, or, he no longer loves u and thats what he wanted and just was to much of a coward to say it himself.. but at this point what else is there for u to do , ur miserable with him.. and u cant seem to get through to him..so u can either suck it up and realize this is what ur life is always going to be like and learn to cope, or u can take a chance, and hope for the best..
Only u know where u are in your heart, if ur at that breaking point yet or not.. but u have to decide if u can live the rest of ur life like this or not..
2007-01-30 15:08:16 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you. In a matter of ways I'm going through the same thing. No emotional support. No hugs No kisses No talks unless he wants to . I have three kids and They occupy me so much of the time I forget the problems but when it comes to the crunch you realise where you really stand in the situation and that is what scares you the most. Separation.. But I've come to think that I just want to be happy. Is that so bad? We were not born on this earth to suffer to someone who treats you as they like because we let them. Why should they change when we let them treat us like this?Stop feeling sorry for him..pick up your life and move on! Look at your life in six months and see how far you have come. Hope this helps.You probably want a miracle to happen but after 12 years?good luck honey..
2007-01-30 23:04:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry about your situation. You sound seriously depressed and you are desparately trying to solve a problem you can't fix. Some of what you describe suggests that you may be co-dependent; an unhealthy need to be needed. You have taken care of him for so long and now he is distancing himself from you and you no longer have any control. I don't know if he's on medication for his problems but it sounds like, if he is, his meds could be part of the problem. For your sake, I hope you'll seek counseling. You may need an anti-depressant and I truly think you would benefit from the emotional support you will receive. It's time to be a little selfish. You've devoted 12 years of your life to helping him overcome his problems to the detriment of your own well-being. Please seek professional help. I'm rooting for you. You sound like a good person.
2007-01-30 23:00:58 · answer #3 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show some more affection, appreciation, respect, and support. Try it for a couple of days and see what happens. I'd be very surprised if he was still cold, and unemotional towards you. Maybe he needs to find a different counselor. Make the first move, don't expect him to.
I hope you try my suggestions, and will almost guarantee it. You two need to go to counseling together. I have read the Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and the Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Read those! They give you great insight, and you will be able to relate! It's a huge wake up call, and I think you need one!
2007-01-30 22:54:44 · answer #4 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not feel sorry for yourself. You did everything for your husband. There are few cases that a 'man' is not vocal or expressive with their love. But deep inside them, they cannot live without their wives. I can only assume also that he is also very secretive especially with his problems. He will tell it to you when its a little bit late already but not impossible to handle. If all of the above exists, he needs a lot of support especially from you. Life will be worst for him if you are not beside him. I cannot blame you if you are losing your patience once in a while but he needs all the love and support that he can get from you.
All the best.
2007-01-30 23:09:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look there are ppl that can help u out u NEED TO GO BACK and keep on getting help it times time to recover in a marriage. U think u feel bad how do u think he feels. it sounds like he is has sad and upset that he and u are in this time of mess and he thinks that u isn't the best for u. but he is. so work at it. everyone have there good and there bad times. But at the end it pays off for good. time is the key
2007-01-30 22:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by starfleettaskforce 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking the Talk is easy, but walking the Walk is another story. Your husbands words are not expressed by his actions. He is made at you because you made him face the fact he had a problem, so now hes mentally blaming you for all the wrong.. If he will not change Girl, and he has to want to, then its best to leave if temporarialy. Maybe that would wake him up..
2007-01-30 22:54:07 · answer #7 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
love is patient. love is unconditional. when you love someone unconditionally, you will feel happy within yourself. and everything will work out fine. Ask God for help too. (I've used this a lot of times when I was so sad and in trouble, and at the end i feel good and everything works out fine). Have a heart to heart talk with your husband...no yelling...just a heart to heart talk...whisper in each other's heart...whisper in his heart what you feel right now that you are sad to see him sad and always mad. Everything happens for a reason...and after a storm, there's always a rainbow... I've had so many storms with my husband, which always comes with a rainbow afterwards...And our relationship becomes stronger after each storm. We've been married for 9 years and 4 months and counting...One more thing, remind him why you fell in love with him, and ask him why he fell in love with you...maybe that will wake him up a lil bit...good luck...and may God bless and guide you through this storm :)
2007-01-30 23:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by formula350 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I learned it is important to know what your partner needs and meet it (married 8 years)...if he can't meet your needs then it won't work because you'll resent him for having to sacrifice...
Women always think they can fix the man...but that isn't the case...the man has to want to fix himself...he would have to figure out his problems himself while still knowing what is gng on with you and communicating with you...if he's not then you probable can't change it...the kicker is...if you break up he may see how serious it is...but it might be too late...life is too short to be sad...so do the things that make you happy...
2007-01-30 22:57:08 · answer #9 · answered by Zawa 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
Don't spend even more time miserable with him!
If he can't get over his anger and if he flat-out won't go to Counseling with you, then if you need more, get Divorced is the only way to go.
What is the use living with a man who has alot of anger? You're only existing, NOT living!
good luck recovering over this!
2007-01-30 23:24:15 · answer #10 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋