My husband and I have been separated for 9 months now and up until a few weeks ago (he just started seeing someone) we had a friendly relationship as a separated couple (even though he has never offered me any help other than watching her while I work and he gets to stay home doing nothing!). Our daughter's birthday party is coming up soon (I planned it and I'm paying for everything!) and I don't feel it is appropriate for him to bring the new gf to this party. It is a family event (his family and mine) and she is no one special to be at my child's party, my question is, am I being unreasonable for refusing to allow him to bring her?
2007-01-30 14:44:30 · 20 answers · asked by Sassy_Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I appreciate all your answers and to answer a few of your questions....the reason we separated was because we started having a lot of troubles and he moved out for bit, on the condition that were still together and trying to work things out, but then he slept with another woman and so I left him. We tried to make a go of it again and again failed...we still mainted a friendly relationship and left the door open to reconciliation by not divorcing... but now he has this girl in his life and has decided he wants nothing to do with me (which isn't really a problem because I have my own romantic interest), but I am very cautious about who I introduce into my daughter's life and it bothers me is that he doesn't show the same respect. This relationship is very new and by introducing her so soon, he may really upset his daughter and confuse her even more than she already is by our separation and what if this girl doesn't stick around? Children get attached very easily, you know?
2007-01-30 15:05:04 · update #1
He shouldn't bring her. You guys are still legally married. Unless there's more to this story that we don't know about.. do you have a boyfriend that your child has already gotten to know? The circumstances of the separation and your dating someone could change my opinion as well.
2007-01-30 15:06:00 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is absolutely not appropriate for him to bring a gf to your daughter's party. It is her b-day and she is going through a hard time--I give you a lot of credit for even doing a "joint" party. Does your daughter even know her? and how old is your daughter? Tell your soon-to-be ex this year is not good with all that has happened he should, and the new GF should understand that. You are not vindictive or jealous you are thinking of you daughter. Maybe next year when the div is final and if he still with his new gf you know it is a stable relationship to where his gf can be involved in family things.
2007-01-30 15:16:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being unreasonable at all. You've only been separated 9 months for starters. Plus you said it's a family event and a girlfriend isn't family. Since you're planning and paying for it then you should invite whomever you choose. I just recently got divorced after almost 3 years of being separated and I never brought any men around my daughter unless it was a serious relationship. I brought 1 man around her and he's now my fiancee and we were friends before we even started dating. So, no I don't think you're being petty. You're being a good mom and don't doubt yourself.
2007-01-30 14:53:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lee Ann R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of your daughter, he should not bring her. You aren't even divorced yet. Why does he feel the need to bring her on his daughter's special day? I would say, if he insists, then ban them both. Why confuse/upset your daughter on her birthday? You don't say what age she is, but at any age, this is too soon to make her share her dad with a stranger and enforce the fact that you have broken up her home.
2007-01-30 14:52:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely bad form and he's rubbing your face in the fact that he has a girlfriend. Since you are hosting the party--by paying for it--you have say over who is invited and I would make it very clear that she's not invited and not welcome. Are you having the party in your home? That gives you even more say about who is invited. At that point, he may elect not to come, which will be entirely up to him. You are not to accept the blame if he doesn't come because he can't bring his girlfriend. I don't know if you have a good relationship with his family, but, if you do, you might want to mention to them that you have taken this position. It's up to them whether they support you in this, but you should make it clear that you won't tolerate the girlfriend's presence at your daughter's party.
2007-01-30 15:27:10 · answer #5 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys are still married then I think that it's inappropiate for her to attend a family celebration. It's more of a respect thing for a marriage thats not legally over.(Seperation isn't DIVORCE) When everything is finalized than she can attend those kind of functions. The relationship is way to fresh for her Guest Appearance.(To keep your family for questioning you this is best) Let him know that she really doesn't have a reason to attend your daughters birthday, and to keep drama down she shouldn't attend this festivity.
2007-01-30 14:56:19 · answer #6 · answered by Danie G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
both yes and no
yes he should be allowed to bring her because it is someone that he is bringing into his life and accepting her as his new family and that she may become his daughters new stepmom
no he should not bring her because you two are not divorced and thats about all i can think of at the moment
it is up to you, but are you sure that there is no underlying reason for you not wanting her to come, maybe a reason like you are feeling hurt by the fact that he is moving on
think about this one before you make the decision
2007-01-30 14:58:00 · answer #7 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct, he has no business bringing a new girlfriend to this child's party. It is hard enough on the child as it is without bringing a girlfriend. He should want to spend the special time with his child. If he can't go with your wishes, then he should skip it, then everyone can see how much the child means to him. Good Luck..................
2007-01-30 15:18:53 · answer #8 · answered by Suzie- Q 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all and not because you're upset with him (which is completely justified) but because your daughter should not have to face the new gf on her special day. He should have thought of his daughter first. How inconsiderate.
2007-01-30 14:56:51 · answer #9 · answered by Sassy Pants 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's rude and disrespectful...
I'm curious, why haven't you filed for divorce yet? He's cheating on you. Separation doesn't mean you can sleep around, you're still married. I think you'd be stupid not to file for divorce if he doesn't want to make your marriage work.
What was your reason for separating? I'm just curious...
2007-01-30 14:50:54 · answer #10 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋