How can I be forgiven for physical abuse and be his friend?

Question

My partner left me a couple of months ago. Since then we've slept together a few times and recently went away together even though we weren't going out. The night before we were due to come back we had a huge argument. I started it over something stupid because I was stressed and felt like I wasn't being treated as even a friend, let alone having any sort of relationship. I asked him to leave and he wouldn't, then when I wanted to talk he wanted to leave so I tried to stop him. I know I shouldn't have. I pushed him around, put myself in the way of the door and tried to hold onto him to stop him leaving. He ended up choking me and stepping on me and throwing me around to try and get me off him. It eventually came to a standstill and he left in the morning. He's not talking to me anymore. I really want to be able to be his freind and heal the hurt I've inflicted. I know it's my fault. Has anyone managed to ask for forgiveness for physical abuse or forgiven someone for it? Is there a way?

Answer 1

You don't seem sorry, you seem like you just want to be forgiven. I think you should be so horrified by your behavior, but instead you use that great old excuse - you were stressed.

He learned that day that you don't handle stress very well. He is supposed to act on the information that comes his way, you know.

You need serious counseling to help you understand how to manage your feelings in a way that doesn't hurt others and it seems like you need to get counseling (if there is such a thing) to learn that people are not paperdolls in a little doll house for you to arrange and play with.

You went for being a sicko drama queen and when that didn't work, you went for violence. You should stop dating anyone for a couple of years, find a good therapist who will force you to stop making excuses for your bad behavior, to face what a lousy job you are doing as a grownup, and to help you get on a better and more satisfying road.

Leave that man alone.

Answer 2

It's not forgiveness that you need: it's improved coping skills. You will be able to get talk therapy from numerous PhD psychologists EVEN if you should happen to live on the moon. Stress is making people just nuts these days, so you don't need to feel alone. You may also be suffering from clinical depression: major symptoms of depression include irritability and aggressive behavior. Talk to your MD about getting you to a psychiatrist for assessment.