I did not cheat and I have proof?

Question

My husband (seperated) thinks I cheated with this guy that I went on a date with...but I didn't...I have an instant message from the guy that proofes that we are just friends, and I even explained to the guy that I just need a friend, but am not ready for a relationship...
should I show this IM message to my husband to proofe it to him...or will it just make him even more angry ??? I just want him to believe me...cause I still love him...

oh yea...he moved 5 hrs. away, I cried and was angry...then after a month he acts like he wants to work it out...I just went out on a date out of anger...I know it was childish...we are young , and make mistakes !

Answer 1

he's going to believe what he wants to believe and you can't chantge that. You may still love him, but he's looking for a reason to stay apart.

Answer 2

If you went out with another man while married, your husband has the right to be angry and not believe you. He could only be angry because it hurt him that his wife went out with another man while still together with him. Now if it happened while you've been separated (not living together), then he might still have strong feelings for you. Either way, he wouldn't be angry if he didn't love you. Men have a habit of closing up when they are angry. So if you have to talk to him, do it without arguments and get off the defensive.
If you love him, tell him. Ask him to give you the benefit of the doubt. He needs proof of your love. Give him time to cool down, ask him out on a "date" where the both of you can be alone for a few hours. Turn of the cell phones and take a walk with him. Talk with him. Look at him as you speak with him. If he still loves you very much, you will see it in his face. Don't beg and plead. You also have to let him tell you what's on his mind at his own pace. Don't push an issue. Change the subject to another aspect of your relationship. He will change his mind if you show him how you feel.
Take care. I wish you well.

Answer 3

Must be some more to the story then that. Dating while being separated is sort of cheating don't you think? If you and your husband was going to try working things out. A friend can be anything you make it to be. so showing some instant message is just dumb, If you want your husband back, just act like you don't have anything to prove and leave it as that

Answer 4

Ever hear of "innocent until proven guilty"? You shouldn't have to provide evidence of your innocence. If this were a court of law, he'd have to provide irrefutable proof of your guilt. The more you try to defend yourself against false accusations, the guiltier you will look. You should take a more assertive approach than trying to come up with proof that nothing happened. Instead, simply tell him that he's going to believe what he wants to believe, no matter what you say. You will tell him once, and only once, that there isn't anything between you and What's-His-Name and, while you did go out with him, once, as a friend, nothing more happened. You aren't going to waste anymore time trying to dignify his accusations or defend yourself when you need no defense. After that, don't allow any more discussion on that topic unless he'd like to go to marriage counseling with you to resolve the real issues in your marriage. Under no circumstances should you show him your IM. In fact, I'd delete it. While you may still love him, he's making you jump through emotional hoops and probably enjoying watching you squirm. Don't allow him to make you the victim. Invite him to help you solve the marriage problems legitimately or move on.

Answer 5

Showing the message isn't going to help.If he has dought's about your date then there's not much you can do to change it.If the two of you separated with the agreement not to date anyone then he should be mad but if there was no agreement about dating then he is the one with the problem.I do think though that if either of you are going to date then you should at least set some rules or get a divorce.Things like this get messy.

Answer 6

Does it matter? I mean he left and told you to move on first,so proving you did nothing but torture some poor guy you met up with, crying your heart out about how it was breaking doesn't change that, does it.

I know what it's like to want to refute things they throw up to rationalize their exit. But when you go to do that, there'll just be something else or some other angle on it, and a week later a way to prove that isn't true will occur to you, and then what? How long do you want to drag this out?

Everytime you call, you open your own wounds and give him another opportunity to reject you all over again.

If he calls you, then maybe... I don't know everything. But you gotta get a grip on your emotions, and that's going to take a while.

Answer 7

well frist off to me i dont know about all the details but going on a date with a guy can be considered cheating so he could be very hurt just by that or maybe he just cant handle the thought of you in anouthers arms and chouses anger to hide that. Give him some time and let him know that he is the only man in your life and keep it that way then you have to decide if keeping this freind is worth your marrage

Answer 8

I think you should show it to him even if it gets him angrier because then you'll know that you have tried your best to prove him wrong. Just try to prove it to him and save your marriage. I'd suggest not dating anyone else or go on anymore dates with guys without other friends though until this is settled as you don't want him to keep accusing you of cheating.

Answer 9

If you had a date with another man while you were still married...which it sounds like you are still married...then you did cheat. Whether you ripped off each other's clothes or not, the fact remains, you've been im'ing someone else and meeting someone else for a date, that is cheating plain and simple. I would INSTEAD apologize to your husband, tell him you were not thinking and would like another chance. Throwing the IM at him is just going to make him more upset. If you love him, fight for him.

Answer 10

The message is not proof... its easy enough to have someone send you a message that is not true (or even fake the archives). You can't make your husband believe you. If you really want to fix your marriage try a therapist, either as a couple or alone.

Answer 11

Dating while married is a big mistake to begin with and just because you have an im from the other guy doesn't prove anything except that you have been talking to him.