Is my poem any good?

Question

Title: What Was Left Of Our Happiness
Written by me, a 14 year old girl.

These words that I write are now dying on the paper

The ink of blood is seeping with inevitable steadiness

Dignity follows this destruction, for nothing goes unharmed

And when these pages of meaningful words will one day burn

I will watch as they decay into ash and emptiness

And yet those memories will always linger in the back of my mind

Because every moment that I spent with you

Will always be like a note gone unread

Like a song never heard

Like a road never traveled

Because every word that we spoke to each other

Will always be remembered as a missing hope

As a link to the answer

As a cure to the disease

But I won't forever stay and mourn your silent passing

There will always be someone else to grieve over

And as I read every line in this book of memory

I smile at every entry that represented my love for you

And I ran my fingers through the dried ink of crimson

That now strayed on the yellowed pages

But when I came across the last of the passages

I read it again with such sad distraught

And I dropped the book, like a needle covered in cyanide

I cowered to the corner in where I once sat

Where I watched you fall for her

Where I watched you tell her

That you loved her

And that I was nothing to you.

Answer 1

Its a very good try at poetry, and some of it quite good. You seem to fall into the trap of trying to use deep words and not really conveying meaning in them. Its a little "canned drama".
I must say however that it did convey pain which is what you meant to do, I just think you can do that without being caught up in "poetic sounding" verse. Just say your words, convey your meaning and simplify a little and you'll be on the right track. Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

I think it was an awesome poem...especially to be written by someone so young. You have talent and do not give up on writing. Keep a journal and keep writing your poems! Who knows...someday you may be a great poet that is read about in schools everywhere! Or...you might just have a great collection of poems to pass on to your family which will mean a lot to them since all poems tell a bit about the person who wrote them. Dont listen to the negative answers here...listen to your heart. You have talent. Good job.

Answer 3

It won't win the Nobel prize but it shows that you are exploring your innermost feelings and expressing them, and your language is vivid enough that we can feel your story along with you. The best line is this one:

Dignity follows this destruction, for nothing goes unharmed

You should keep writing and writing and writing--the more you do, the better you'll get.

Answer 4

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not unavoidably ought to rhyme inspite of the incontrovertible fact that it desires to hit my emotions. i think of readability of expression is substantial besides. i do no longer want to 2d guess what i'm examining approximately. I continuously seek for what I term "poetic gemstones"in the textual content fabric.

Answer 5

qw232

Answer 6

Amazingly unoriginal and cliche.

2/10

Answer 7

Lacks depth and structure.

Reword in places, very confusing.

You really muddled the middle.

Hardly passable.

Answer 8

4/10
Try to make paragraphs, it's still very good for a first timer and i loved the dark theme.

Answer 9

I cannot write a better poem that yours. Congartulations!

Answer 10

Nobody loves you or your poem. Why don't you go back to slitting your wrists?