There's this girl that I've had a crazy crush on since I met her like 3 years ago. I mean, gamer chick with long hair and nice legs are a rarity, and add the fact that she's actually got a brain. Thing is she had a bf, so I tried my best not to flirt with her, though she knows I'm gay. We became friends, I subdued my feelings, I even became friends with her boyfriend. She comes over to my place all the time, since she can't stand her parents (harsh, catholic types), and we're really good friends. Then about a 2 months ago she started to become 'busy', and i hardly saw her. Recently, her boyfriend came and cried to me about their break up, telling me she'd become gay.
I'm trying to get ahold of her, but unable to so far. What I want to know is why she didn't tell me? I though she'd been bi for a long time, but I didn't bring it up, and now it's driving me crazy not to talk to her just when i thought I was over her, but I don't know what to say or do. Any advice?
2007-01-30 12:55:11 · 11 answers · asked by dorkpangs 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
When she was 'busy', whenever I talked to her, she seemed distracted. I tried to get her to talk to me, but she said she wasn't ready. She hasn't been online for two months, either.
I'm both really concerned and confused. We've been so close for so long, that it seems ridiculous of even bringing up my feelings, but I still like her.
I definitely won't be pushing for anything right now, because she seems to be just discovering herself, but I don't know how to start a discussion bout it with her when I get ahold of her. It shouldn't be awkward, but it is, because of how I feel about it, and it shouldn't be about me.
Plus, her parents are like the homophobes from hell, and her bf didn't know for sure, but I think she came out to them. They didn't like me to begin with because her mother heard 'about' me from gossiping mothers from our highschool. But they never stopped me from talking to her before...
I just want to be there for her. How is the best way to do that?
2007-01-30 13:01:47 · update #1
Also should mention the bf...
He himself is bi, though he hasn't been with a guy since before her. He considers himself an "equal opportunity lover". He was just upset that she broke up with him and not the other way around. Also, he was apparently suprised, though I really wasn't. He said he asked her about it before, and she said she definitely wasn't gay. Now that she broke up with him because of it, he's 'heart-broken', but he just called me talking about some other girl he just met. For some reason, I don't think he's that hung up about her, though they were together for a long time.
But, he's always been kind of on the fast track, and he deals with his feelings all at once and moves on. That sort of ability makes me jealous, because I can never seem to move on. I get caught on the little details.
I haven't mentioned to him that I thought of talking to her about my feelings, and I think he'd be upset if I did, but he'd get over it. Just wouldn't talk to me for awhile.
2007-01-30 13:12:34 · update #2
If you really care for her, you'll try to do what's best for her, which as you yourself said, is just being there for her at this point. She may have come out but I think there's a difference between that and actually having a girlfriend. She may not just be comfortable with that yet. Keep on being her friend, let her decide for herself, and hope for the best! At some point when you two are very comfortable again, then you could let her know how you feel.
Good luck!!
2007-01-30 13:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by somebody 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure that she know's that you're gay? Maybe she didn't. Or maybe she had a clue but wasn't sure? Maybe she has another love interest. Did you and her ex-boyfriend discuss any further details? Maybe that's why you haven't been able to reach her.
Also, maybe she does know that you are and she's afraid of her feelings (or, unfortunately, what her family will think). She may also know that her ex told you why they broke up and she might just not be ready to talk about it yet.
Give her time to deal with her feelings. It's often better that way than to jump into something (on the rebound). If a more romantic relationship is going to form between the two of you, continue to be friends first and let the other part happen slowly (if it's going to). On the other hand, somehow let her know that you are there for her if she ever needs somebody to talk to. I guess what I'm trying to stress is that the friendship should come first, relationships tend to last longer when it's based upon a strong friendship.
Good luck.
2007-01-30 13:15:55 · answer #2 · answered by Mary R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Well,I'd just give this simple answer. She knows where you are. Apparently,for whatever the reason,SHE chose to no longer be in your life. Maybe just for now,maybe forever. Either way,you need to just accept it,and move on. Life is too short to waste pining over someone who could give a rat's behind about you. I'd lose them both,get a better class of friends,ones who don't intermittingly sleep with one another. Oh and I pray her and her b/f are having safe sex since he's bi as well.
2007-01-31 14:00:44 · answer #3 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you go after her, you will lose the friend that you have in her bf. I don't know how you feel about him, but if you hooked up with his ex, it might really hurt him.
Ow! That hurts, it feels like she dumped the both of you. I wonder, when she became busy if she was already seeing someone on the side?
2007-01-30 13:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by saopaco 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Follow your heart but remember this is your friend first and foremost. Be supportive and not too pushy and if things are meant to happen they will when the time is right. I hope everything works out!
2007-01-30 13:01:48 · answer #5 · answered by bi_tgrl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forget religion thats for nut jobs.
2007-01-30 14:11:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when u get ahold of her tell her how u feel
2007-01-30 13:00:52 · answer #7 · answered by undercovernudist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go out with me instead ;0)
2007-02-02 09:15:13 · answer #8 · answered by trixiecat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was interested in you she would get in contact.
2007-01-30 13:05:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
just go talk to her, you have nothing to lose.
2007-01-30 13:00:50 · answer #10 · answered by master_fargone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋