How do I become "whole"?

Question

I beat myself up ALOT and I'm always looking for external approval to validate my worth!!!

Thank you! I will :)

Wow These are some GREAT answers!

Answer 1

every day, do things youre afraid of. start small, and go bigger as time goes by. you'll feel a growing sense of accomplishment and self-pride.

trust your own opinion and remember that there is NO one else in this world who can do "you" better than you. you're your own brand name; anybody else trying to be you, would be a generic copy of you. so if you looked for approval externally, that'd just be adding on bits of generic opinion to validate something that's already good enough on its own.

eliminate your negative thoughts. as soon as you find yourself thinking one, silence it! tell yourself to repeat the opposite of that thought 15 times. if you're alone, say it aloud or whisper it, even if doing that makes you feel silly or laugh. laugh all you like! just hearing it aloud several times will actually change things for you psychologically. the more we repeat/do something, the more we remember it, and (eventually) the more we actually believe it. make those things you're believing be POSITIVE, rather than negative. the beauty of it is.... it's all up to you!

Answer 2

Geeze, don't make me quote Maslow's hierarchy of needs to you. It's like a pyramid where you check off everything you need in ascending order til you reach "wholeness" (he calls it "self actualisation") at the top. It's psych theory, it's not perfect, but it's a good start - focus on small achievable goals on the way to wholeness.

There's nothing wrong with wanting external approval - we're social beings and we all do it, but you can't let it rule your life.
Try thinking about the way you think. That sounds daft but it works. Identify regular "warpy thinking" (ie if this person doesn't approve of me I must be doing something wrong; I always mess things up etc) and analyse why you're thinking like that. Being able to recognise when you're doing it is the first step to stopping it.

Answer 3

We are what we repeatedly do.
Don't try to eliminate a bad habit, that is incredibly depressing.
Try to establish a good one

If teaching a man to fish feeds him for a lifetime, it also keeps him from worrying about going hungry.

1. Learn something, preferably a manual skill like construction work. whatever it is make sure it has a purpose. If you can learn it in a group, so much the better.
2. Use that skill to do something for the good of humanity.
http://www.habitat.org/
3. Teach that skill to someone else.
4 think of things you can learn to be better at that.

value good cheer above hoarded gold.
value paying your bills on time over new shoes.
value knowing that you are kind to people over having people like you.
value bell peppers over big macs.


do something physical first thing you get up in the morning (running somewhere, shoveling the snow off your driveway, shoveling the snow off your neighbor's driveway, cleaning stuff really quickly)
Read something or do something mentally challenging while you eat breakfast.

Try spending a week or so without some modern convenience like driving.

Read Kurt Vonnegut, Patrick McManus, Isaac Azimov, Steven Douglass or some other good humor writer before you go to bed.

Answer 4

Heres what you do. First, stop beating yourself up. I don't know how your doing it; mentally or physically. Either way its not good. So stop it. How? Simple, think positive. Be happy and think that you are worth everything this world has. That is how you become "whole". Just believe in yourself... OH! and if it makes you feel better put smiley faces after you done writing.... :)

Answer 5

by gaining what you lack. Obviously that is self confidence. Don't worry, it'll pass, i'm the same way. Just do what you love doing and be yourself and everything will fall into place. You're worth it. Don't question that. Just have fun with your life and everything will work out!

Answer 6

Find "The Four Agreements".It is a good,simple book to live by,a good start.You can't please everybody,and if you try to,you will find yourself angering those who would be good friends and you will be used by people who are not friends even if they call you "friend".

Answer 7

By putting your lower half with your upper half, you will become whole.

Answer 8

DAMN!