In 2 yr relationship. Left him after 3 mths cuz he was mean and i liked someone else. i realized my mistake. it's not my habit. so we got bak 2gether, and he made , me feel guilty abt it for a whole yr, and i found out that he cheated on me. he is still kind of mean except now he dont remind me of my mistake since couple months. he is nice for awhile and then mean but recently really nice. am i insecure 2 much or do have a right? how do i find out if he is cheating on me cuz i have a feeling since well he cheated that something is wrong. i luv him so much. i have no where 2 go. i can't see myself with n e one else. am i wrong, or do i have something to worry abt? i have 0 way of finding out, so how do i find out if he is indeed guilty & cheating? i m not a cheater and am still haunted by what i did by leaving him. so pls dont th ink its my character. if n e one can help, i would really appreciate.
2007-01-30 12:20:10 · 10 answers · asked by Heer 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
he has since the beginning been accusing me of cheating. i have told him numerous times when he was being mean or suspicious that if he needs to leave it's ok i wont go crazy cuz his happiness counts. I dont know what furher to do.
2007-01-30 12:27:01 · update #1
also it's not like i am trapped, it's just i dunno when u love someone so much, it's hard to imagine being without them, even if the choice to leave is there.
2007-01-30 12:27:58 · update #2
also i dont feel comfortable about being with him physically, i mean he asks all the time. i mean i get sick of healing. i dont wanna do those things yet i am 20 but i dont feel comfortable with my body or with doing it, i am 110% straight. i just want to wait till marriage. but he always aks and yes i end up giving half the time, but i feel so ewwww cuz int he back of my mind i am like what if he is sleeping with someone else, we use protection but i dunno he same couple of days that we had had sex is the same time he slept with her. he used to tease me saying a girl likes him, and then he admitted on his own he slept with her - thats the girl he has cheated on me with. i can't get past the pain he made me feel cuz of me leaving him, and then what he did to me....
2007-01-30 13:03:45 · update #3
if he is acusing you,most likely he is cheating.if he is mean,there are other people out here that will appriciate you.love is blind,not dumb.you know you have to get out,you need confirmation from someone else.i or anyone can tell you get out.you have to find it in yourself.bettter yet you have to listen to what you already know.it sounds like you may be in dire staits.dont worry about being alone,there is strength in that.verbal abuse is abuse.there is a difference in getting mad and saying things, and saying things to make you feel bad all the time.if he is not hostile,sit down and talk,and if you cant do that how can you stay together and be happy.....goodluck
2007-01-30 12:40:45 · answer #1 · answered by JB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People often judge others based on their own behaviour or experiences, therefore it's not unusual for your bf to accuse you of being a cheat since he has done it himself before, so he knows how easy it is. And at the back of his mind he must be thinking that if he had done it, then it much be possible for you to do it too.
Having said that, it is not right for him to treat you with anything less than you deserve and he needs to know you're unhappy about it. No point being secretely hurt but not do anything about it~ leaving him is not the only thing you can do, and it's obvious not what you want right now~ so here are my suggestions:
* talk to him and lay things out. do make him feel comfortable in telling you things. and when both of you are calm, tell him that you would like past arguments/disagreements to stay where they are.....in the PAST!.......and not mention it again at a later date. This also means you need to resolve each and every one of your arguments/disagreements.
* become independent, not so that you can threaten to leave him but so that he knows you CAN survive without him, and that it is HIS loss if you two ever breaks up~ cos for you, life will easily go on~
* build your own circle of friends if you haven't already~ they r a great source of support, and they sure will come in handy IF you do end up leaving him~
things CAN work out even if he's cheated on you before, it may not happen again~ and for your relationship to work you need to start trusting him and try to forget abt the past~ BUT~ keep an open mind so if you do see signs you deal with it instead of turning a blind eye from it~ remember it's better to walk away from a bad relationship early on than to find out or change your mind 10 years later when you have joint responsibilities (morgage, kids etc)~
good luck with everything & be strong!
2007-01-30 20:58:49 · answer #2 · answered by kt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm being honest with you when I say that it sounds like you are in a co-Dependant relationship. This relationship is a downward go-nowhere spiral. You need to break free of it, and if that is hard for you to do, then seek counseling to find out what (unconsciously) keeps you from moving on. Think about it ... do you want to spend the next 5, 10 or 15 years of your life dealing with these circular issues? I would hope not. Then one day you'll wake up and look in the mirror and ask yourself why you threw so many good years away. Good luck to you.
2007-02-07 06:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by americansneedtowakeup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I don't know who you are or how you feel, but if you love the guy then maybe you should still be with him. And when I say love I mean, would you take a bullet for him? Do you like him for who he is or only what you see? (Guys can be one person one second and then they can be totally different the next second.) So if you do love the guy then you should at least ask if there is anything going on you should know about. And if he says, "Well..." and pauses then you need to talk. Other than that listen to your gut, and your heart.
2007-01-30 20:33:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship that is not founded on trust is not going to get better. Why don't you work on being self sufficient then you can stay or go but at least you will not be trapped - because, like you said "I have no where to go". You sound overly dependent on him and willing to be treated like his subordinate instead of his equal.
2007-01-30 20:26:38 · answer #5 · answered by justwondering 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my experiance anytime he accuses you of cheating is his way of righting his wrong.Meaning that i would say theres a good chance that he is and hes blaming you to cover up his wrong doing.The best thing you can do is leave and start over.I know its seems hard to do right now but it will be the best thing for you in the long run and remember your best interest is whats important right now.Your relationship is never going anywhere by what you've decribed of it,so leave now and you'll thank yourself in the long run trust me i've been there.Good luck and i hope everything works out 4 you!!!!!!
2007-01-30 20:34:01 · answer #6 · answered by bawbowa 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seriously, do you think that he's the ONLY guy in this world? can't you find someone who wont accuse u of cheating and making you feel guilty? gurl this guy dont love you!... move on!
2007-02-07 08:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by Trisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i found this out the hard way - someone who cheats once will keep cheating. it's like a game.
2007-01-30 20:30:43 · answer #8 · answered by cari anna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your instincts. RUN, don't walk, away from this relationship.
2007-02-06 23:52:43 · answer #9 · answered by ruby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry to drunk to read all that, thank god.
2007-02-07 18:43:56 · answer #10 · answered by joe e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋