What should I do about my husband finding imperfections in my look and constantly pointing it out to me?

Question

eeeeveeeeery week he will tell me something that is wrong with me and I am SICK OF IT!!! I am telling you people I am on my last breath!!! Should I just leave him?? If he doesn't like it ---> let him find somebody else!! Today I politely explained to him that everybody has some small imperfections, I am not gonna get any younger and if he doesn't ignore them and start focusing on all the good things instead he will be destroying our marriage instead of enjoying it. What is wrong with him - is he just stupid? He is 10 years older than me ---- SHOULDN'T HE BE WISER than that?

Is he comparing me somebody?

Answer 1

I don't think people always understand the way their words sound. Maybe you should try talking to him the way he talks to you!

My husband can easily hurt my feelings when he negatively points out my physical attributes, too. When I bring it up, he always says he was "kidding." Finally I told him not to "kid" anymore, that I took it personally.

Just make sure he knows that it really does hurt, even if it's not what he intends.

Answer 2

Wow. What a dick. You should tell him so, though I assume by your frustrations you do. I think you did the right thing and said your peace. The question really is what is the extent of your tolerance?

The fact is that if you are asking yourself these questions then you likely know that the chance he will respond to your politeness is rather slim. Try and be less then polite. Be firm. Point out that it hurts you to think he feels this way but you will not tolerate it anymore.

If at that point you feel this will never change, then why stay? You’d be happier alone. This is because he is not insulting you, but instead building himself up through the destruction of your confidence. For that reason alone there’s nothing good to come of staying.

My best wishes in what ever decision you make.

Many regards

Answer 3

Ok, I got it. As soon as you said that he was 10 years older. He is feeling insecure about you being so much younger so if he constantly points out imperfections to you in his mind he is thinking that you will think you are so ugly that no one else will have you and that you are lucky to have him. Remind him of how hands om he is and tell him that you feel like you are not good enough for him so you are going to get a divorce. Or you can try pointing out EVERYTHING about him that is not perfect and that he is 10 years older so that he better just be quiet about all of yours or you are really going to focus on his.

Answer 4

Men often do this when they feel inadequate and are afraid that you will find someone else. It serves the purpose of making you feel as if no one but he will have you.

It's a hard one. I would suggest that you do one or both of 2 things. First, tell him that you love and care for him and have no intention of leaving him IF he will stop making you feel as if you are worthless in his eyes. Second, you expect him to attend therapy with you to overcome his need to put you down.

I think your marriage can be improved if he can be made to realize that he will be able to hold onto you better by building you up rather than tearing you down. Don't give up just yet. Give him a chance to improve knowing that your marriage is on the line.

Answer 5

When my EX-husband was having an affair, he did the same exact thing to me. Always trying to break down any self-respect I had for myself, always wanting me to change for him, even though he made it clear I was repulsive to him. The way I dressed, did my hair and makeup, laundry, cooking, the house cleaning, you name it.

What other signals is he giving you?
Always coming home late from being out with the guys or visiting family, then jumping into the shower within minutes of coming home?
Secretive about his wallet or cell phone? If you pick up the phone the other person hangs up, but if he answers it he tells you it was a wrong number?
Wanting to do his own laundry?
Not as social with you? Shows little to no affection towards you, then an argument erupts out of no where?
Wants you to contribute more financially into the household?

Just remember, only the dumb ones get caught.

Answer 6

Next time ask why he finds it necessary to point out the imperfections and tell him if he doesn't stop you'll start pointing out his. My husband likes to tell people about my bad habits, I had enough, when he'd start I started rattling off a list of his bad habits and some of them are pretty gross and embarassing, he hasn't done it since.

Answer 7

He should not be pointing out any of your faults. In marriage, we love the person no matter what. Maybe try going to counseling together, or if he won't go.....try leaving him for a week and see how he likes it. There is someone out there that will treat you right. I promise. Good luck

Answer 8

when your husband married you,I assume he accepted you the way you were,so what's wrong with him? if you're 10 yrs younger than him,he should be blessed to be in your presence,Tell him if he doesn't like you the way you are, then find someone else,you don't have to put up with that crap!!! sounds like he's just plain stupid and finding fault with you,if you leave him,and he finds someone else,nobody is going to put up with that crap!!!

Answer 9

Do something to get his attention. Buy a blow-up doll. Find a minute defect somehwere on it. Tell him you tried to find a woman for him that would please him, but then point out the defect and tell him you're sorry and that you don't think there is anyone on the planet suited for him.

Answer 10

Tell him that he must love your imperfections since he married you, I don't think it's quite enough to divorce someone over though.

Age is no indicator of maturity either.