Is there any hope that he will forgive me for physical abuse?

Question

My partner left me a couple of months ago. Since then we've slept together a few times and recently went away together even though we weren't going out. The night before we were due to come back we had a huge argument. I started it over something stupid because I was stressed and felt like I wasn't being treated as even a friend, let alone having any sort of relationship. I asked him to leave and he wouldn't, then when I wanted to talk he wanted to leave so I tried to stop him. I know I shouldn't have. I pushed him around, put myself in the way of the door and tried to hold onto him to stop him leaving. He ended up choking me and stepping on me and throwing me around to try and get me off him. It eventually came to a standstill and he left in the morning. He's not talking to me anymore. I really want to be able to be his freind and heal the hurt I've inflicted. I know it's my fault. Has anyone managed to ask for forgiveness for physical abuse or forgiven someone for it? Is there a way?

Answer 1

I agree with the posters who say that you should seek help for yourself & not be as concerned. Here's my question: Why do you want him back? What is it about this relationship that is so great that you want him back after he choked you?

I was in an abusive relationship & while you write that you did push him/held on to him to keep him from leaving I zoned in on the this sentence. "I asked him to leave and he wouldn't, then when I wanted to talk he wanted to leave." I zoned in on this because I found for myself that there are people who do things just to punish you. They do exactly the opposite of what you ask them to do (instead of leaving you alone they get in your face) & that is disrespectful & crossing a boundary you've set even if they don't like it.

Here's an abuse website. www.drirene.com It helped me and there are support groups.. try your local DV shelter there are many free counselors available. Pick up some abuse books from your bookstore & I would also suggest codependency books for yourself because it definitely looks like you had what I had which was an enmeshed relationship with poor boundaries. You took 100% blame & I won't say you aren't responsible for your part in what happened but I will say that getting some help will help you feel better.

If you're anything like I was or anything like the women I now talk to in my support group you are feeling very anxious/lonely/afraid/etc.. & those feelings are keeping you held up in this relationship. I recommend Melody Beattie who is an awesome codependency author & finding a counselor to discuss this with. I suspect you will find that there is much more going on in your relationship than what you just described here & it goes much deeper than what you did. Hope you feel better soon!

Answer 2

You need to go anger management, I wouldn't be talking either after that little round, You might put him in the hospital the next time, I hear women talking like that I often wonder what would have happened to them if they had of been married to my ex husband. You wouldn't be able write or comb your hair for month , you'd still be licking your wounds. He would probably beat you to death, oh lord just the thought. You better not try that on some other men or you'll end up in the hospital for a month or two. Counts your blessing one by one.

Answer 3

Since the two of you have crossed that line, maybe it would be best to leave things alone for a while, or better yet just leave each other alone period.
There may come a time when the abuse really gets out of hand and one could end up in jail and the other in the hospital.

Answer 4

It's not forgiveness that you need: it's improved coping skills. You will be able to get talk therapy from numerous PhD psychologists EVEN if you should happen to live on the moon. Stress is making people just nuts these days, so you don't need to feel alone. You may also be suffering from clinical depression: major symptoms of depression include irritability and aggressive behavior. Talk to your MD about getting you to a psychiatrist for assessment.

Answer 5

WOW!
Where I was raised, even if a woman put her hand on a man (which she should not), he didn't have the right to put his hand on you...only allowed to restrain you in self defense. If he ended up choking you, it was way more than 'tit for tat'.

Get some counseling to work on Your issues and Leave Him Alone until you can get your own head around your issues with a trained licensed therapist.

Once a relationship escalates to violence...it makes it so much easier to do the same the next time around.

Get Professional Help!

Answer 6

You're blaming yourself but he definitely played a part in this violence as well. He is also abusive you both need help. Don't worry so much about being a friend to him. YOU need to start loving yourself this should be your primary focus. Once you digest this concept of loving you, you wont take abuse or become abusive again. Please seek help. ( you took total responsibility for what happened and it wasn't all your fault).

Answer 7

Maybe if you sit back and read your question you can ask yourself do I really want this or do I want to start over and try again with someone new?Ther is nothing like falling for someone the first time it does feel good.

Answer 8

Oh yes, it's possible. Give it some time and some communication and get some therapy both on your own and together. I was going to say, "you must be a big woman and he a wimp for not hitting back, but I guess he did." Good for him.

Answer 9

if he had already left you why go back? he doesn't care he just wanted a friend with benefits-- and by the way this sounds he treats his friends better than you -- forget him- you can find better