Riddle me this...?

Question

I'm not trying to start a fire here, just trying to better understand why this is....

If a woman posts a question about a cheating husband, the advice is always to divorce him and take him for all he's worth.

But if a man posts a question about about a cheating wife, the advice is to find out why she's cheating, and try to work things out, etc...

Isn't that a double standard? Aren't double standards wrong?

Actually, my point is this...

Advice should be offered the same to everyone regardless of what they have between their legs.

And for that matter gender shouldn't matter in the case of child support, child custody, alimony, and financial assistance for single parents either.

Soulmate? What part of your reply other than citing an outdated Harvard study was intellectual? To believe that the human mind is "wired" differently between the sexes is folly in my opinion. It is mere speculation and I would challenge anyone to offer definitive proof that I'm wrong. We as human beings can rise above the stereotypical. This is fact. To take the stance that a person is hard wired for one behaviour or another would indicate that we are incapable of change which is outlandish.

Again, just my observations.

Answer 1

I agree with you, but I would have though the advice would be the opposite: Women advised to "stay with him, counseling, you made a promise...etc..." and Men being told to "fling the sl*t out!"

I usually find that women are expected to take a lot of crap to keep the peace etc...Whereas the men get action oriented and move on.

Oh, and about that "study", it's been proven that women and men have both cheated fairly equally, historically speaking. Due to genetic testing (bone dna), they have determined that quite a few men through the ages have raised many children that were actually not related to them genetically. Apparently women just hide it better.

God relationships are complicated. I can't wait to be 80 and don't give a crap anymore :)

Answer 2

You are exactly right. Because when a spouse doesn't show proof of cheating, but just assume it, then they aren't really sure of it. So, how can they say he/she is cheating when they are not cheating? It could be many things why spouses act the way they do.

I think I posted to you just a few minutes ago too. I never tell a person to divorce if they really don't know what the problem is. I just give them the advice. Sometimes I wonder if people do really take the advice in here.

It is called hypocrisy, indeed.

Answer 3

I agree about the double standard, but it is there in may different ways. For instance single woman are expected to not have alot of relationships or they are labeled whore, and men who do are studs. It is unfortunate because we are all "just people" trying to get through all the stuff life dishes us. Anyway, I think the determining factor is why did they cheat, and how do they feel about it after, and how do you feel about it. do you acknowlege your place in the failure of the relationship if you have one. Is it worth repairing? Only the people involved can make these decisions one they have insight and honestly. Some make it, most do not. I wish you good luck if this is what you are dealing with...

Answer 4

I've told plenty of men to get the hell out of an adulterous marriage.

But when answering a question you have to take into account the tone of the asker. The majority of the time ladies post with those sort of questions they are just looking to affirm what they already what to do. When the men ask, their tone suggests that he is truly at a loss and don't know what to do with themselves.

If they (male or female) give any indication that they would like to stay and work it out and feel that the circumstances are there for healing, I do try to encourage that.

Answer 5

That IS a double-standard. And yes, that's wrong. Cheating is wrong no matter which party does it.

I think women often victimize themselves. If they cheat, society can find a way to justify it. When a husband cheats, it's because he's a lousy person.

Good observation.

Answer 6

Yes its double standards. To be honest, any person with a cheating spouse, male or female, needs get the hell off the computer and talk to a counselor.

Answer 7

OK I am up for some intellectual conversation. You need to do your research....men are wired to think different from woman. If a man cheats it is for sex...(1987 study by Harvard) and if a woman cheats it is a cry for help (same study). When men cheat they think with there second head not the first and most important. Most woman cheat because they are missing something in the marriage. Woman are stronger then men in that aspect. We can fight sexual urges and most men, there are some that I can exclude, will never turn it down. Think about what you asked and then ask it again if you like.

Answer 8

I answered a question posted by a female with a cheating husband. I feel that it should depend on the situration no matter the gender. I suggested to work through it if he is telling her he cheated.

Answer 9

perhaps because the courts have a double standard.

women almost always gain custody of the children while the dad has to pay support to his kids and pay alimony to his wife (so she can sit on her @$$, but that's a different argument).

point being divorce favors women heavily. why would the guy want to want a divorce when he has to pay for it for the rest of his life?

Answer 10

Cheating is wrong period...and not gender specific...I agree that sometimes there is a double standard!